Communication - Divorce

Divorce is tough even in the best of circumstances when both parties are willing to work together to resolve problems.  Many couples facing divorce are still able to communicate and agree on child custody, division of marital assets, who stays in the home and how their liabilities will be divided.

Others who struggle with communication choose mediation or collaboration as options – by bringing a third party or parties to the table they seem to function rather well in making final decisions about their divorce.  

There are many divorces where the couples meet in the middle, no contest and wrap up their divorce in a neat little package that both agree upon.  Not all divorces are contentious and doomed to head for divorce court – this is a good thing and often has the best positive outcome for both parties. 

But there is another side to some marital relationships that lack communication or the desire to resolve their differences.  This marital relationship is toxic and one or both parties have “pay - back” etched on their foreheads. 

   

One or both spouses are “power driven” and refuse to collaborate or mediate – they want the lion’s share of marital assets and total custody of the children.  They live their lives via intimidation and threats – usually fearful though of any type of mediation because this would show a weakness on their part. 

Sometimes the marital relationship has been totally broken due to one or both parties refusing to communicate.  Without a line of communication nothing can be settled or resolved so the couple will probably end up in divorce court. 

There are a few red flags to watch out for in these very contentious divorces that are anger and emotionally charged.  Does your spouse have a high powered divorce attorney?  Are the children being used as pawns?  Has your spouse tampered with joint savings or bank accounts? 

The safest way to protect yourself and your children is to at least have a consult with a divorce attorney.  Find out what your legal rights are before it’s too late.  No one cares as much about the outcomes of this divorce as you do – so carefully weigh your options and take the necessary steps to receive a favorable decision from a divorce judge. 

Once the divorce is final, each parties lifestyles change and one must wonder was it for the good of both parties?

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money, and divorce a matter of course. ~ Helen Rowland

 As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Collaborative Divorce - Good Option

If neither party can agree upon child custody, division of marital assets – the family law judge will follow the divorce guidelines of his or her State, which means both parties will have to give and take.
The divorce “pie” will be divided up between both parties.

But, when both parties are willing to work together and come to reasonable conclusions it’s a win win for them and the children.

Collaborative divorce is a positive alternative that prevents the parties from being exposed to the courtroom; it allows a couple to resolve the tough decisions together.  Both parties must be willing to follow the family laws of their State.

Collaborative divorce may be a much better option  ,because it will save them money, emotional trauma and alleviate the courtroom drama.  Both parties hire an attorney whose job is to act as referee and adviser while decisions are being made.

The attorneys will make sure everyone plays by the divorce laws in their state – in other words they not only look out for their client they insure that all decisions by both parties are legal.

One attorney can’t represent both parties – each party has their own attorney who is well versed in collaborative divorces. At times the attorneys will call on third party consultants to establish actual value of marital assets, financial experts or psychologists. The best interest off the children is a huge issue and the attorneys will serve as liaisons for the children trying to get the couple to work out child custody, who lives in the marital home etc…

The mail goal of the collaborate attorneys is to guide the couple on fair and reasonable solutions.  The attorney’s job is to make sure that decisions made are legal, fair and equitable for both parties. If at some time, the couples hit a snag and can’t agree on the main issues than the attorneys will step down.  Divorce is an extremely contentious subject and at times the couple hit a snag and refuse to collaborate. 

If this happens, divorce court is the next option on the horizon – remember the divorce judge will follow the same family laws that the collaborative attorneys did.  He or she will hand down the final decision based on the factual information given to them. 

Collaborative divorce is becoming popular saving both parties money and undue stress – many couples are finding this a great way to make the tough decisions without ending up in divorce court. 

As Always,    

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Collaborative Divorce - The Positives

If neither party can agree upon child custody, division of marital assets – the family law judge will follow the divorce guidelines of his or her State, which means both parties will have to give and take.
The divorce “pie” will be divided up between both parties.

But, when both parties are willing to work together and come to reasonable conclusions it’s a win win for them and the children.

Collaborative divorce is a positive alternative that prevents the parties from being exposed to the courtroom; it allows a couple to resolve the tough decisions together.  Both parties must be willing to follow the family laws of their State.

Collaborative divorce may be a much better option  ,because it will save them money, emotional trauma and alleviate the courtroom drama.  Both parties hire an attorney whose job is to act as referee and adviser while decisions are being made.

The attorneys will make sure everyone plays by the divorce laws in their state – in other words they not only look out for their client they insure that all decisions by both parties are legal.

One attorney can’t represent both parties – each party has their own attorney who is well versed in collaborative divorces. At times the attorneys will call on third party consultants to establish actual value of marital assets, financial experts or psychologists. The best interest off the children is a huge issue and the attorneys will serve as liaisons for the children trying to get the couple to work out child custody, who lives in the marital home etc…

The mail goal of the collaborate attorneys is to guide the couple on fair and reasonable solutions.  The attorney’s job is to make sure that decisions made are legal, fair and equitable for both parties. If at some time, the couples hit a snag and can’t agree on the main issues than the attorneys will step down.  Divorce is an extremely contentious subject and at times the couple hit a snag and refuse to collaborate. 

If this happens, divorce court is the next option on the horizon – remember the divorce judge will follow the same family laws that the collaborative attorneys did.  He or she will hand down the final decision based on the factual information given to them. 

Collaborative divorce is becoming popular saving both parties money and undue stress – many couples are finding this a great way to make the tough decisions without ending up in divorce court. 

As Always,    

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Infidelity and Divorce

Is infidelity in a marriage taken into consideration by a family law judge?  If you’re in a no fault state, it probably isn’t going to be a deciding factor in your divorce. Infidelity will cause problems when the cheater tries to get their spouse to agree on a tentative settlement. It is only human nature to fight back when one feels betrayed or rejected; it’s the one trump card that the jilted spouse holds and it’s an extremely powerful card.

At this point, the spouse no longer feels an inner need to be fair, whatever that may mean.  He or she turns into a banker, accountant, a strategist and what might have been a mutual divorce turns into the wreck of the century. What about the children, who’s is watching out for the children? Two outstanding attorneys always put the children first in their courtroom – neither judge approved of an intimate relationship during the divorce. 

Katherine Eisold Miller is a prominent Collaborative Lawyer and family mediator is now a public educator helping husband and wives choose the best way when divorce is eminent. 

Katherine feels the children should be the priority and encourages parents to make best choices for the children’s sake. She feels an adulteress relationship has very little impact in a no fault state. But, in those states that take fault into consideration the division of property, alimony, child support can be seriously affected.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Katherine%20Eisold%20Miller/

A family law judge (Judge Ann Kass,) from New Mexico always put the children first. She had zero tolerance for those intimately involved in a relationship before the divorce is final. 

http://www.divorcepeers.com/dating-during-divorce.htm

Although New Mexico is a no-fault state, Judge Ann Kass always put the children first. In one of her articles, she said,” But whatever the grown-ups do to themselves, they should absolutely avoid introducing any new companions to their children until the divorce is over and until there is a solid foundation for the new relationship with some reasonable degree of probability that it will last.

If married adults would put the children first, there probably wouldn’t be as many divorces or broken homes. Divorce devours the entire family; no one misses the angry fangs of divorce. 

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Collaborate Divorce Might be a Perfect Fit

If you jump online and study the statistics on contested divorces, it’s pretty scary and very confusing.  It’s like husband and wife have put on their armor and ready for battle, any battle just as long as they win. Its payback time and a winner take all scenario.

One of the truly terrifying thoughts about a contested divorce is this – often times one spouse is going pro se (representing themselves) while the other spouse has hired a divorce attorney with a great track record.  This is like letting a junk yard dog attack a miniature poodle – little chance of competing when the pro se litigant doesn’t understand family laws or courtroom procedure.

What about a divorce pathway that eliminates the courtroom drama, saves money, time and proves to be more equitable for both spouses when done correctly. Collaborative or cooperative law opens doors for both parties and gives them options while adhering to family law.

Each spouse gets an attorney whose credentials include collaborative law.  They meet with their attorneys and discuss division of marital assets, child support, alimony and the shared debt of the married couple. With the assistance of their attorney they know what to expect on each of these issues – anger and emotions are controlled because they understand the critical issues of divorce.

Each attorney will probably inform their clients that the children are a priority and all decisions concerning the children must be in “the best interests” of the children. Husband and wife will have a handle on what to expect when marital assets are divided and they’ll understand prenuptial contracts, retirement funds and shared savings accounts etc. 

If there is an extensive amount of marital assets the attorneys may suggest hiring a third party who is qualified to give them a fair market value of the assets. At the same time they may suggest a preliminary injunction which prevents either spouse from disposing of marital assets prior to the divorce.

Next the spouses along with their attorneys have an informal meeting focused on making the difficult divorce decisions that exist when a married couple is dissolving their marriage.  When one or both parties are in total disagreement, the collaborate attorneys will offer suggestions and legal information that will help the parties arrive at a logical decision.

Collaborate or cooperative divorce is by no way easy, because there are many legal issues that must be factored in such as length of marriage, children’s ages, health and age of spouses, if one spouse has contributed to another’s education or helped them build a business etc.  Divorce is a very contentious issue and it isn’t like a pie that can be split right down the middle – instead family law concentrates on “fair” but not necessarily “equal.”

It is a good way to save time, money, courtroom drama and a great way to do what is in the “best interests” of the children.  If spouses can look at divorce as a business plan that needs both of their input, they will approach the division of marital assets, children, custody and alimony in a different frame of mind.  Collaborate divorce is better for the children allowing them an easier transition and it saves a lot of emotional and financial stress for both parents. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce - Without a Judge or Divorce Court

Will week - end divorce be the new future in collaborative negotiation or will this be merely a fad that passes as quickly as it originated?  No one knows the answer to that yet, but as far as I can tell it's a first of it's kind and definitely has some merits worth exploring.

Two Naperville attorneys Sandra Young and Brian Garvey created this concept that allows both parties participate in all negotiations. 

 It's pretty simple, rent a nice motel room for a couple of days on the week - end and save a marital relationship from extinction. As long as there is civility between the two parties, it's a win win for both.  It saves money, emotional stress allowing the couple to actually go their separate ways and start a new life without a long drawn out tooth and nail fight.

Each party is represented by an attorney during the collaborative divorce negotiation.  This process can be accomplished without any courtroom drams or added expense when attorneys pit one party against the other.  It's sort of "One and Done" approach!

Each party must collect all necessary documents and present them to their attorney 10 days before the week-end divorce starts.  Both parties realize that the reason for collaboration is to part company in a fair fashion that actually benefits husband and wife.  

This week - end divorce may work for many couples who realize that the time has come to part ways and yet they have maintained a civility with each other and aren't itching to demonize their partner.  When adults realize that the marital relationship is shattered and neither party believes or wants to try to repair all of the problems that have occurred over the years, week - end divorce may just be the perfect fit. It's especially good if children are involved.  

Here is the website that discusses week - end divorce - it's not only an interesting concept

 http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/suburbs/naperville_lisle/community/chi-ugc-article-the-weekend-divorce-naperville-attorneys-d-2-2013-10-30,0,4405190.story

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Alternative to an Adversarial Divorce

When contemplating divorce, what are your alternatives?  Spouses can go the usual adversarial way and take their disagreements, anger and emotions to court.

They can sit down quietly and divide marital assets, agree on child custody and or alimony if applicable, which is a fairy tale divorce - no attorney fees, no filing fees and most of all both parties dissolve the relationship quietly without any interference from third parties.

If both parties want to avoid divorce court, high attorney fees they have an option that is becoming very popular in the USA. It's called collaborative divorce, meaning the couple sit down together working through problem areas until they reach a mutual agreement. There are many advantages to this type of negotiation, but can only work if both parties are prepared to put anger, emotions and the innate desire to pay back on the back burner.

This is definitely an "in charge" type of negotiation where your voice or opinion will be heard allowing both parties to arrive at a compromise on tough issues instead of suffering through divorce court and letting the judge make the final decisions.

Collaboration saves money, time and undue emotional stress because the ultimate goal is to agree upon a settlement without having to file divorce papers. If children are involved both parties will feel that they actually worked together to make life easier for their children. This is a big plus and a memory you can cherish the rest of your life.

The idea for collaborative divorce started in the 1990's by Stuart Webb (Attorney) - Stuart announced that he would no longer go to court for his clients seeking a divorce.  Instead he would encourage the couple to work together or collaborate.

It's important to realize Collaborative Divorce and divorce mediation are not the same - mediation is strictly where there is a neutral or third party that serves as mediator. Collaborative Divorce is when each party has an attorney (who serves as counsel) allowing the parties to work together under the careful guidance of legal counsel.

Although this may not be an agreeable option for either party - it might be wise to discuss it and for each party to have a free consultation with a collaborative attorney. It's sort of like "never say no," because it might be a perfect solution for you.

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Collaborate Divorce vs. Contested Divorce

If you jump online and study the statistics on contested divorces, it’s pretty scary and very confusing.  It’s like husband and wife have put on their armor and ready for battle, any battle just as long as they win. Its payback time and a winner take all scenario.

One of the truly terrifying thoughts about a contested divorce is this – often times one spouse is going pro se (representing themselves) while the other spouse has hired a divorce attorney with a great track record.  This is like letting a junk yard dog attack a miniature poodle – little chance of competing when the pro se litigant doesn’t understand family laws or courtroom procedure.

What about a divorce pathway that eliminates the courtroom drama, saves money, time and proves to be more equitable for both spouses when done correctly. Collaborative or cooperative law opens doors for both parties and gives them options while adhering to family law.

Each spouse gets an attorney whose credentials include collaborative law.  They meet with their attorneys and discuss division of marital assets, child support, alimony and the shared debt of the married couple. With the assistance of their attorney they know what to expect on each of these issues – anger and emotions are controlled because they understand the critical issues of divorce.

Each attorney will probably inform their clients that the children are a priority and all decisions concerning the children must be in “the best interests” of the children. Husband and wife will have a handle on what to expect when marital assets are divided and they’ll understand prenuptial contracts, retirement funds and shared savings accounts etc. 

If there is an extensive amount of marital assets the attorneys may suggest hiring a third party who is qualified to give them a fair market value of the assets. At the same time they may suggest a preliminary injunction which prevents either spouse from disposing of marital assets prior to the divorce.

Next the spouses along with their attorneys have an informal meeting focused on making the difficult divorce decisions that exist when a married couple is dissolving their marriage.  When one or both parties are in total disagreement, the collaborate attorneys will offer suggestions and legal information that will help the parties arrive at a logical decision.

Collaborate or cooperative divorce is by no way easy, because there are many legal issues that must be factored in such as length of marriage, children’s ages, health and age of spouses, if one spouse has contributed to another’s education or helped them build a business etc.  Divorce is a very contentious issue and it isn’t like a pie that can be split right down the middle – instead family law concentrates on “fair” but not necessarily “equal.”

It is a good way to save time, money, courtroom drama and a great way to do what is in the “best interests” of the children.  If spouses can look at divorce as a business plan that needs both of their input, they will approach the division of marital assets, children, custody and alimony in a different frame of mind.  Collaborate divorce is better for the children allowing them an easier transition and it saves a lot of emotional and financial stress for both parents. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Collaborative Divorce vs. Courtroom Divorce

If neither party can agree upon child custody, division of marital assets – the family law judge will follow the divorce guidelines of his or her State, which means both parties will have to give and take.
The divorce “pie” will be divided up between both parties.

But, when both parties are willing to work together and come to reasonable conclusions it’s a win win for them and the children.

Collaborative divorce is a positive alternative that prevents the parties from being exposed to the courtroom; it allows a couple to resolve the tough decisions together.  Both parties must be willing to follow the family laws of their State.

Collaborative divorce may be a much better option  ,because it will save them money, emotional trauma and alleviate the courtroom drama.  Both parties hire an attorney whose job is to act as referee and adviser while decisions are being made.

The attorneys will make sure everyone plays by the divorce laws in their state – in other words they not only look out for their client they insure that all decisions by both parties are legal.

One attorney can’t represent both parties – each party has their own attorney who is well versed in collaborative divorces. At times the attorneys will call on third party consultants to establish actual value of marital assets, financial experts or psychologists. The best interest off the children is a huge issue and the attorneys will serve as liaisons for the children trying to get the couple to work out child custody, who lives in the marital home etc…

The mail goal of the collaborate attorneys is to guide the couple on fair and reasonable solutions.  The attorney’s job is to make sure that decisions made are legal, fair and equitable for both parties. If at some time, the couples hit a snag and can’t agree on the main issues than the attorneys will step down.  Divorce is an extremely contentious subject and at times the couple hit a snag and refuse to collaborate. 

If this happens, divorce court is the next option on the horizon – remember the divorce judge will follow the same family laws that the collaborative attorneys did.  He or she will hand down the final decision based on the factual information given to them. 

Collaborative divorce is becoming popular saving both parties money and undue stress – many couples are finding this a great way to make the tough decisions without ending up in divorce court. 

As Always,    

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Is Collaborate Divorce a Better Option

If you jump online and study the statistics on contested divorces, it’s pretty scary and very confusing.  It’s like husband and wife have put on their armor and ready for battle, any battle just as long as they win. Its payback time and a winner take all scenario.

One of the truly terrifying thoughts about a contested divorce is this – often times one spouse is going pro se (representing themselves) while the other spouse has hired a divorce attorney with a great track record.  This is like letting a junk yard dog attack a miniature poodle – little chance of competing when the pro se litigant doesn’t understand family laws or courtroom procedure.

What about a divorce pathway that eliminates the courtroom drama, saves money, time and proves to be more equitable for both spouses when done correctly. Collaborative or cooperative law opens doors for both parties and gives them options while adhering to family law.

Each spouse gets an attorney whose credentials include collaborative law.  They meet with their attorneys and discuss division of marital assets, child support, alimony and the shared debt of the married couple. With the assistance of their attorney they know what to expect on each of these issues – anger and emotions are controlled because they understand the critical issues of divorce.

Each attorney will probably inform their clients that the children are a priority and all decisions concerning the children must be in “the best interests” of the children. Husband and wife will have a handle on what to expect when marital assets are divided and they’ll understand prenuptial contracts, retirement funds and shared savings accounts etc. 

If there is an extensive amount of marital assets the attorneys may suggest hiring a third party who is qualified to give them a fair market value of the assets. At the same time they may suggest a preliminary injunction which prevents either spouse from disposing of marital assets prior to the divorce.

Next the spouses along with their attorneys have an informal meeting focused on making the difficult divorce decisions that exist when a married couple is dissolving their marriage.  When one or both parties are in total disagreement, the collaborate attorneys will offer suggestions and legal information that will help the parties arrive at a logical decision.

Collaborate or cooperative divorce is by no way easy, because there are many legal issues that must be factored in such as length of marriage, children’s ages, health and age of spouses, if one spouse has contributed to another’s education or helped them build a business etc.  Divorce is a very contentious issue and it isn’t like a pie that can be split right down the middle – instead family law concentrates on “fair” but not necessarily “equal.”

It is a good way to save time, money, courtroom drama and a great way to do what is in the “best interests” of the children.  If spouses can look at divorce as a business plan that needs both of their input, they will approach the division of marital assets, children, custody and alimony in a different frame of mind.  Collaborate divorce is better for the children allowing them an easier transition and it saves a lot of emotional and financial stress for both parents. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com