Children - Priority for Divorce Judge

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Frequent Flyers in Divorce Court

Baby boomers are becoming frequent flyers in divorce court – even divorce attorneys are surprised and rather confused. One would think that during the recession a couple would want to weather the storm until the economy turns around, but that’s not the case. 

The baby boomers  appear to be reinventing divorce – they’re hell bent on getting out of Dodge with an armload of retirement funds, the house and all that the couple has accumulated over 25 to 30 years.  Family law judges are all ready on overload and many boomers are opting for do it yourself divorce which is stressing family law courts.   

Muslims are reverting to divorce and hot on the boomer’s trail which only makes divorce a much more complex issue.  What are the hot buttons causing the discontent?  What is going on in our USA that is triggering the boomers and Muslims to opt for divorce?

Muslims and boomers are strange bed fellows and no one has a definitive explanation about this divorce phenomena – Muslims and boomers certainly are marching to someone else’s drum as they dash to the family law courts. 

The boomers are suffering from their decision to get a divorce; many are dipping into their retirement funds to pay daily expenses. Assets are divided leaving each party with some money, but they would have more to share as a couple.  When they were married, one spouse usually stayed at home to raise the children (meaning he or she may not have worked outside the home,) so spousal support may be in order.

For the Muslims marriage was Allah’s gift to mankind – the family supposedly should be resilient and thrive on the union of man and women. But, Allah being a wise God knew that not every relationship between man and women would work, so divorce is an option if there’s a valid reason.  Allah frowns on divorce when the married couple doesn’t have a valid reason for parting ways. 

Christian for years didn’t approve or support divorce but the norm has changed for them too – although most Christians have a difficult time accepting divorce they are much more tolerant than they were 10 or 15 years ago.

http://knowledgebase.findlaw.com/kb/2013/Apr/979275.html

Is it something in the air, the water or does the grass appear greener now to those wanting to dissolve their relationships. Could it be boredom from our high tech society – maybe we’ve become gadget and service poor. 

Or could the state of the nation be the culprit causing the discontentment due to a recession, morality dysfunction, corrupt Government and constant turmoil within our Country?  Maybe people are just on overload with too much to carry on their plates or maybe they’ve lost site of the things that once made our Nation resilient, strong and a safe haven for all. 

As Always,

Little Tboca 

www.caseboss.com

What About the Grandparents?

What about the grandparents?  Why are they often times left out of the divorce picture – they’ve helped raise, mentor and love the children and now they are no longer allowed to continue their beautiful relationship with the grandchildren.  Grandparents, you have rights – fight for them.

Decisions are made in the “best interest” of the children and you may well be the missing piece that your grandchildren need. Don’t just wring your hands and walk away, contact an attorney and ask for legal advice and assistance.  Each State has laws that actually protect grandparents “rights” and if you’ve been an active participating person in the children’s lives, you’ll get more than a nod.

It may be a good idea to gather up some factual information before your first free consult with an attorney.  Try to show via pictures, birthdays, holidays, vacations etc. how you’ve been actively involved with your grandchildren. You want to prove that your relationship with the grandchildren is special and that you’ve been a devoted participant in their lives.  

If you present your case to the courts, be prepared to answer all questions about your relationship with the grandchildren. Be prepared to tell the judge how often you would like to visit with your grandchildren.  If the children are very small and you’ve moved out of State, this definitely could pose a problem, but maybe you could ask to spend a portion of the holidays or their birthdays with them.

Explaining your relationship with the custodial parent prior to divorce proceedings will help the judge make a decision – if it’s been stormy weather and extensive conflict with the custodial parent prior to the divorce this will be taken under consideration also.

The important question in court will be why the custodial parent refused you visitation rights with the grandchildren. Do they have a valid reason or is it merely a payback and punishment against their ex spouse?  How the custodial parent thinks grandparent’s visitation would harm the children?

Yes, grandparents have rights and many times continuing communication and visitation with the grandchildren is in the “best interest” of the children.  As a grandparent, I have been actively involved in my grandchildren’s lives and have helped raise each of them – there’s no way in h- - -, that I would allow my grandparent’s rights to be taken away.  

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce Judge "Tiger or Pussycat"

Those going through divorce have a plateful, in fact it’s more like a tubful of do’s and don’ts.  If you’re going it alone (pro se,) here’s one more thought to fill your already cluttered mind. Do you know who your judge will be for your day in court?  Do you know how he or she controls the courtroom?  Don’t assume that just because you’re a good person – it will be smooth sailing in the courtroom. 

Are you going in front of a pussycat who wants both litigants to live happily ever after – if so he or she will probably slices the pie right down the middle. The pussy cat thinks it takes two to tango and strives to satisfy both parties.  He’s pleasant and provides a comfortable atmosphere in the courtroom – definitely not power driven!  

What if you find yourself in front of a legal eagle “owl” that follows family law statutes by the book?  He or she won’t budge and a pitty party may give the impression that you’re begging for mercy - that doesn’t sit well with the ole owl. Don’t take it personally, but he won’t budge and you’re about to have the family law book thrown at you.

Then again you may find yourself in front the no nonsense “tiger” and he or she pretty much considers the “he said, she said” testimony as crap and dives for the heart of the divorce.  Children are his or her priority and he’ll do whatever it takes to insure that the children get the best piece of the pie. He is well versed in family law and very capable of making tough decisions when necessary. This judge deserves a big thank you, because he’s honest, knowledgeable and the children are his priority.

No doubt there are a few family law judges who enjoy putting the squeeze on both parties. He or she basks in the power they possess in the courtroom - there won’t be any doubt in your mind that they are in control. Speak only when spoken to and don’t expect any favors.  Whatever you do don’t cross this person because he or she has your future in their hands!

 This article is based on personal experience and each judge has a name – cover your bet by preparing a powerful case for court and knowing your judge’s courtroom DNA. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Turn Off the Hot Buttons in Divorce Court

ivorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.
Richard Wagner  

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood 

You’ve passed the contemplating divorce stage and you’re headed for court for the showdown. You’ve been stellar in your homework, divorce forms and divorce papers are in order – you dotted ever “I” and crossed every ”T.” 

The divorce case you’re carrying in your briefcase is so airtight that no divorce judge in the USA would dare cross you or give you an unfavorable decision. This is merely wishful thinking on your part!

As you’re taking that final walk into the courtroom, your demeanor and body language isn’t exactly what one would perceive as friendly, in control and calm. Instead you look like a moose on the loose looking for a fight.

Going into the courtroom with all of your hot buttons turned on will blow your day in court clear out of the water.  So you’re mad, your emotions are verging on hatred for your spouse and you don’t care if the whole world knows your feelings, so what?  Not a good philosophy in the courtroom if you’re praying for a favorable decision from the family law judge.

Believe it or not some people forget their court date – not good this is a sure way to lose your case by default.  A judge once said, “can the cheap theatrics,” he or she means watch the body language and verbal interruptions in my courtroom. 

Don’t ever use the social media as a trash bucket – don’t threaten your spouse, defame them, brag about an adulterous relationship or make libelous statements on social media because it will come back to haunt you and bite more than a little piece out of your b—t.

There are occasions when people act in such an outrageous manner in the courtroom or hallways that they’re cuffed and hauled off to a jail cell. Don’t be one of these statistics.

You have a right to be heard in court, but you don’t have a right to disrupt the judge’s courtroom. You’re in control of your destiny – don’t blow your chances for a favorable decision by the judge.  Control emotions, dress appropriately for court, speak respectfully to the judge and have a strong fact laden case to present to the judge.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce and Assumptions Don't Mix

So often one stumbles and falls when they assume something to be true - this often occurs in a contested divorce. Safest strategy is don't assume!

One party in the marital relationship believes they have  been a good person, a good provider and excellent parent.  They feel that any divorce judge would acknowledge that they in fact had been an honest active participant in the relationship and deserve a big piece of the divorce pie.

They also assume that the family divorce laws in their State will protect them and what's good for the goose is also good for the gander meaning a family law judge will dole out a favorable decision in their behalf when it comes to custody, alimony and division of marital assets.

They have made a decision (not always a well - informed decision) to represent themselves in court, because they believe beyond a doubt that once the judge here's their side of the story he or she will smile on them favorably.  FYI, if your story is based on here say evidence or better know as "he said, she said" philosophy usually one can expect a disastrous crash in the courtroom.

The divorce judge uses the family laws as his or her tools that assist them in making informed decisions.  Just because one feels he or she can sit down and have a little chit chat with the judge telling him or her all the gory details of the marital relationship does not make much sense.

Divorce judges hear the same ole divorce stories day in and day out. Each story is stated in different ways with a few frills added - not much surprises them and frankly if you don't give them some concrete information and documentation to work with they are pretty much stonewalled.

If you go to court without documented information showing time, date, receipts actual proof regarding the marital relationship, the judge has nothing to work with when making a decision. Possibly your soon to be ex has legal counsel that has all information documented. This definitely puts you in a bad light when representing yourself if you're depending entirely on your "he said, she said" evidence.

When it comes to contentious divorce, don't assume or go half prepared because there are many different ways of interpreting the family laws. Study the family law in your State, go to workshops or venues offered in your State and learn how file papers, prepare interrogatories and prepare your divorce case.

Learn how to prepare your divorce case at www.caseboss.com  it's free for a year if you sign up now.

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce Propaganda

To all pro se divorce litigants, don't fall into the false trap of being victimized by propaganda and false information. 

Put on on your big boy and girl pants and create a divorce case that will receive a favorable decision from the family law judge. First and foremost, don't sink into the pits of the "blame game" - it's not healthy and you're defeated before you start.   

Why are pro se divorce litigants blaming others for there mistakes? Although pro se (self representation) is the new fad on the street for divorce, it’s not a free “get out of marriage” card.  There’s much to do about nothing – it isn’t the court’s fault or the family law judge’s problem nor can the blame be on your ex who has legal counsel

The laws of our land give each and every person the right to represent themselves, but along with this right come a jillion responsibilities.  Yes, by representing oneself you won’t have to pay for legal counsel - maybe you can’t afford a lawyer or possibly you just feel empowered by being given the legal right to represent yourself. 

Over 50% of the pro se divorce litigants can’t afford legal counsel but they can take the time to attend the workshops and venues offered by their State that will assist them in preparing for their divorce.

It’s inexcusable to omit signatures, miss timelines and neglect filling out interrogatories correctly. Some pro se litigants even fill out the incorrect divorce forms and this may be the fault of some Internet sites that have sold them the wrong divorce forms. Divorce forms vary from State to State – be sure you get the correct forms.

Before jumping on the divorce train, it’s crucial that you study the family laws in your State, know the statute of limitations, courtroom etiquette and learn how to prepare a divorce case.  As said earlier, you have the right to represent yourself, but you also have the responsibility of learning what that right actually entails.

Take advantage of your State venues that offer divorce assistance. Read the family laws in your State, know the Statute of Limitations, learn how to fill out interrogatories and be sure you use the correct divorce forms, which each State offers online. Learn how to prepare a powerful divorce case.  

Quit the blame game: (1) The divorce judge isn’t your legal counsel, (2) The court staff is not allowed to fill out forms for you, per law, and (3) The courts are already clogged – you don’t get 2 or 3 re-dos.  Representing oneself is difficult, but doable if you’re willing to roll up your sleeves and do the homework. 

You have one day in court, one small window of time to be heard by a family law judge and going half prepared isn’t an excuse anymore. Reading, studying and attending workshops doesn’t cost a thing – use the many resources offered to you and walk out of divorce court with a favorable decision in your behalf. 

As Always, 

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorce Court - Dress, Demeanor & Data

www.caseboss.com

It’s your day in Court – first impression in the Courtroom is extremely important. Leave your anger, frustration and pity parties at the door – revisit them in the privacy of your home but never in front of the Judge. Remember your manners, speak softly make eye contact and put on a happy face. 

Does anyone really care what how you dress?  You can bet your bottom dollar that the Judge, your soon to be ex and his or her attorney are checking you out from head to toe. 

                                                                                         

Men should wear dress slacks or a suit. Levis and a sloppy shirt hanging over your mid section just doesn’t fly in the courtroom if you’re trying to make a good impression.  A nice hair cut adds a subtle touch and a soft pastel colored shirt makes a perfect picture. If possible cover all tattoos, remove any nose rings and for Pete’s sake leave the profanity at home.

Women should cover body parts, not having anything hanging out, over or flopping.  Dress like this is the most important day of your life, which it may well be if you come to court looking like a lady of the night. Pastels are a great choice, red is probably a little too bold and black may be a little too stern. Don’t come flaunting orange or purple hair and leave the “tiger claws” at home.

Keep your composure, don’t give way to frowns, muttering under your breath, shaking your head or pointing your fingers at anyone. If there are children, refer to them at all times saying, “our children,” not my children. Good rule of thumb until the divorce is final it’s good when being descriptive to say our home, our vehicles or our debts etc…

If your spouse has council and you’re a pro se litigant be prepared to be ripped, diced and sliced by his or her attorney. Do not act defensive or angry, smile and answer questions accurately and quietly. You’ve arrived in court with a slew of “hot buttons” turn them off and don’t fall prey to lies, accusations or threats.

Before you head to Court, learn how to create a strong powerful case that tells your story based on facts and hard evidence. Learn how to eliminate the“he said, she said” testimony.  The D's of divorce, "Dress - Demeanor - Data."  Dress appropriately, control emotions and present a powerful case, not a sob story. 

Have a Great Day

As Always,

Little Tboca

Guest Bloggers Welcome

Guests "r" Always Welcome

Share information with those going thru Divorce

Send articles or blogs to littletboca@gmail.com

• Guests who are contemplating divorce
• Guests who are going thru divorce
• Guest bloggers on "Divorce"
• Divorce Attorneys
• Divorce Judges

Good information is like "Gold" and a great way to give a hand up to those going thru divorce

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce Epidemic - Baby Boomers

Baby boomers are becoming frequent flyers in divorce court – even divorce attorneys are surprised and rather confused. One would think that during the recession a couple would want to weather the storm until the economy turns around, but that’s not the case. 

The baby boomers  appear to be reinventing divorce – they’re hell bent on getting out of Dodge with an armload of retirement funds, the house and all that the couple has accumulated over 25 to 30 years.  Family law judges are all ready on overload and many boomers are opting for do it yourself divorce which is stressing family law courts.   

Muslims are reverting to divorce and hot on the boomer’s trail which only makes divorce a much more complex issue.  What are the hot buttons causing the discontent?  What is going on in our USA that is triggering the boomers and Muslims to opt for divorce?

Muslims and boomers are strange bed fellows and no one has a definitive explanation about this divorce phenomena – Muslims and boomers certainly are marching to someone else’s drum as they dash to the family law courts. 

The boomers are suffering from their decision to get a divorce; many are dipping into their retirement funds to pay daily expenses. Assets are divided leaving each party with some money, but they would have more to share as a couple.  When they were married, one spouse usually stayed at home to raise the children (meaning he or she may not have worked outside the home,) so spousal support may be in order.

For the Muslims marriage was Allah’s gift to mankind – the family supposedly should be resilient and thrive on the union of man and women. But, Allah being a wise God knew that not every relationship between man and women would work, so divorce is an option if there’s a valid reason.  Allah frowns on divorce when the married couple doesn’t have a valid reason for parting ways. 

Christian for years didn’t approve or support divorce but the norm has changed for them too – although most Christians have a difficult time accepting divorce they are much more tolerant than they were 10 or 15 years ago.

http://knowledgebase.findlaw.com/kb/2013/Apr/979275.html

Is it something in the air, the water or does the grass appear greener now to those wanting to dissolve their relationships. Could it be boredom from our high tech society – maybe we’ve become gadget and service poor. 

Or could the state of the nation be the culprit causing the discontentment due to a recession, morality dysfunction, corrupt Government and constant turmoil within our Country?  Maybe people are just on overload with too much to carry on their plates or maybe they’ve lost site of the things that once made our Nation resilient, strong and a safe haven for all. 

As Always,

Little Tboca 

www.caseboss.com

Some Problems with Pro Se Litigation

So you’ve made a decision to represent yourself (Pro se) in divorce court. The decision was due to finances, your intense dislike of attorneys or your perception that you are the best person available to represent yourself in divorce court. Statistics show that pro se divorce is the new fad – so it’s your turn to prepare for your day in court.

Statistics also show that a large percentage of pro se litigants leave the courtroom with their bucket half empty. They assumed that because they were representing themselves everyone and his brother would offer a helping hand – wrong, judges don’t have the time to take you by the hand and the court staff isn’t allowed to offer legal advice.

Pro se litigants want their cake and want to eat it too – they don’t want to pay for legal counsel, they don’t want to learn family law rules and procedures and they darn sure aren’t going to take time to attend divorce seminars and workshops that are offered through our judicial system. 

The pro se litigant is flying by the seat of his or her pants and most likely will suffer an unmerciful beating in court – the American Bar Association and over 1200 judges that were interviewed say the pro se litigants lose more than they should in divorce court.

No doubt it makes one feel better if they can blame someone for their shortcomings, but the bottom-line is this – it isn’t the judge’s fault, or the fault of your ex’s legal counsel, nor the judicial system. You didn’t do your homework or prepare a solid case for your day in court.

This information comes from the American Bar Association, “Not knowing the legal requirements or procedural rules, omitting important signatures, not following Court schedule, missing deadlines are but a few of the problems that Pro Se litigants experience.” 

A few other problems that weaken your divorce case is not knowing the Statute of Limitations in your State, not knowing how to fill out interrogatories, not knowing how to serve papers legally on your spouse and the pre-conceived idea that everyone owes you a handout.

Divorce is tough, one day in court and a small window of time to present your case to a family law judge. Don’t end up in divorce court with a bunch of lose papers, receipts and sticky notes – build a case that is airtight and strive for a favorable decision from the judge.  Go to www.caseboss.com – there isn’t any charge and you have a great team at your fingertips to answer questions for 1 year without any charges.

Quit shuffling thru papers, learn how to organize documents by day, time and subject – learn how to create specific reports, tag information and prepare a strong case.  

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

How to Build A Divorce Case

He Said, She Said Won't Win in Court

Free assistance in creating a powerful case for divorce court. It takes hard work and diligence, but you have only one small window of time to protect your future and the future of your children.

Back your statements up with verifiable proof including date, time and document type. Here is a chance to have free access to a great site for one year without any hidden charges or gimmicks. Openings available, no hidden costs, along with a great team ready to offer support and answer questions.

www.caseboss.com 

As Always,

Little Tboca 

www.caseboss.com

Divorce - Can Head South

Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.

Richard Wagner  

You’ve passed the contemplating divorce stage and you’re headed for court for the showdown. You’ve been stellar in your homework, divorce forms and divorce papers are in order – you dotted ever “I” and crossed every ”T.” 

The divorce case you’re carrying in your briefcase is so airtight that no divorce judge in the USA would dare cross you or give you an unfavorable decision. This is merely wishful thinking on your part!

As you’re taking that final walk into the courtroom, your demeanor and body language isn’t exactly what one would perceive as friendly, in control and calm. Instead you look like a moose on the loose looking for a fight.

Going into the courtroom with all of your hot buttons turned on will blow your day in court clear out of the water.  So you’re mad, your emotions are verging on hatred for your spouse and you don’t care if the whole world knows your feelings, so what?  Not a good philosophy in the courtroom if you’re praying for a favorable decision from the family law judge.

Believe it or not some people forget their court date – not good this is a sure way to lose your case by default.  A judge once said, “can the cheap theatrics,” he or she means watch the body language and verbal interruptions in my courtroom. 

Don’t ever use the social media as a trash bucket – don’t threaten your spouse, defame them, brag about an adulterous relationship or make libelous statements on social media because it will come back to haunt you and bite more than a little piece out of your b—t.

There are occasions when people act in such an outrageous manner in the courtroom or hallways that they’re cuffed and hauled off to a jail cell. Don’t be one of these statistics.

You have a right to be heard in court, but you don’t have a right to disrupt the judge’s courtroom. You’re in control of your destiny – don’t blow your chances for a favorable decision by the judge.  Control emotions, dress appropriately for court, speak respectfully to the judge and have a strong fact laden case to present to the judge.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood 

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorce - Just Get a New Model

It’s a distinct possibility that the divorce rate would drop drastically if marriage was once again a sacred vow to love, honor and obey “till death do us part.”  But in 2013 marriage carries an entirely different connotation – the unspoken vow is if I don’t like it, I’m out of here!  Simple as that – no commitment and too lazy to work on a marital relationship.  

Commitment and communication seems to be relegated to the ancient history shelves.  The proof of this rings loud and clear in 2012, almost 50% of those married for the first time end up in divorce, 

The “grass is greener” or think I’ll try a new model isn’t panning out either. Statistics say almost 60% of those marrying for the second time get a divorce and about 73% of third marriages end up in divorce courts. 

So why have so many opted for divorce?  Lack of commitment would be a good 1^st excuse - unreal expectations probably a great 2^nd reason. The 3^rd comes from the “norm” where one believes they are the privileged meaning the relationship is all about “me, me and me.”

When children are added to the marital relationship one would think maybe those little angels from heaven would be the glue to sustain the marriage, but that doesn’t pan out either.  Around 40% of our children are being raised without their fathers and almost 75% shows the mother as the primary caregiver.  

So maybe if you’re just flat a lazy lump and one that detests commitment and hard work you should take up surfing, sky diving or bungee jumping because marriage isn’t for you.

In closing, half of our Nation’s children will be exposed to divorce – enough said, it’s time for all married adults or those contemplating marriage to start thinking what is “the best” interest of the children.

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson

As Always,

Little Tboca

http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/blog/divorce/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/

Moose on the Loose - Divorce

The divorce case you’re carrying in your briefcase is so airtight that no divorce judge in the USA would dare cross you or give you an unfavorable decision. This is merely wishful thinking on your part!

As you’re taking that final walk into the courtroom, your demeanor and body language isn’t exactly what one would perceive as friendly, in control and calm. Instead you look like a moose on the loose looking for a fight.

Going into the courtroom with all of your hot buttons turned on will blow your day in court clear out of the water.  So you’re mad, your emotions are verging on hatred for your spouse and you don’t care if the whole world knows your feelings, so what?  Not a good philosophy in the courtroom if you’re praying for a favorable decision from the family law judge.

Believe it or not some people forget their court date – not good this is a sure way to lose your case by default.  A judge once said, “can the cheap theatrics,” he or she means watch the body language and verbal interruptions in my courtroom. 

Don’t ever use the social media as a trash bucket – don’t threaten your spouse, defame them, brag about an adulterous relationship or make libelous statements on social media because it will come back to haunt you and bite more than a little piece out of your b—t.

There are occasions when people act in such an outrageous manner in the courtroom or hallways that they’re cuffed and hauled off to a jail cell. Don’t be one of these statistics.

You have a right to be heard in court, but you don’t have a right to disrupt the judge’s courtroom. You’re in control of your destiny – don’t blow your chances for a favorable decision by the judge.  Control emotions, dress appropriately for court, speak respectfully to the judge and have a strong fact laden case to present to the judge.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

No Commitment - No Marriage

www.caseboss.com

Marriage without a true commitment usually ends up in divorce court. Pro se divorce has become the norm – family law judges are left with the shattered pieces of a marriage and expected to deliver favorable decisions. Divorce statistics show that over half of the marriages end up in divorce. 

There was a time when shacking up, opting for single parenthood and same sex marriages wasn’t the norm – but in 2013 Americans participate in all of the above without ever considering consequences. Children raised without a father’s influence is the norm – somewhere around 20 to 30 million children are without a father figure.

"Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless." 
Fortune Magazine

Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears said recently, “ children born to unmarried women and to those in cohabiting relationships "must often overcome increased risks of poverty, education failure, child abuse, delinquency, emotional distress and mental illness."……the lack of a father's guidance in children's lives is a major cause of their suffering. "Marriage is the best child welfare, crime prevention, anti-poverty program we have," 

Isn’t it ironic that two consenting adults ignore the horrific consequences that occur from their selfish desire to do as they please without taking responsibility for the children that they bring into this world. 

As the norm changes so do the traditional values once associated with marriage.  Love, honor and obey till death do us part has been relegated to the ancient history shelves – the nonchalant attitude in many marriage isn’t based on vows but on convenience, material things and finances.  It’s sort of the old adage that two heads are better than one – two paychecks, a bed partner and a path to materialism.

Both parties enter the marriage with a “try it see if we like it” attitude actually the only commitment if one could call it that is we’ll give marriage a try, but divorce is their get out of jail free card. 

A High Court family judge, Sir Paul Coleridge suggests couples should not have children unless they have a stable relationship. Divorce is at epidemic proportions and is once again the norm in the USA. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. 

No one is pointing their finger at the people who wish to cohabitate, but everyone should be concerned for the children from these adults who are left to fend for themselves.  They’re the latch key kids or the children who are raised by the daycare technicians and schools – is it any wonder that this group of children struggle in their adult lives? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Baby Boomers & Muslims Rush to Divorce Court

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Baby boomers are becoming frequent flyers in divorce court – even divorce attorneys are surprised and rather confused. One would think that during the recession a couple would want to weather the storm until the economy turns around, but that’s not the case. 

The baby boomers  appear to be reinventing divorce – they’re hell bent on getting out of Dodge with an armload of retirement funds, the house and all that the couple has accumulated over 25 to 30 years.  Family law judges are all ready on overload and many boomers are opting for do it yourself divorce which is stressing family law courts.   

Muslims are reverting to divorce and hot on the boomer’s trail which only makes divorce a much more complex issue.  What are the hot buttons causing the discontent?  What is going on in our USA that is triggering the boomers and Muslims to opt for divorce?

Muslims and boomers are strange bed fellows and no one has a definitive explanation about this divorce phenomena – Muslims and boomers certainly are marching to someone else’s drum as they dash to the family law courts. 

The boomers are suffering from their decision to get a divorce; many are dipping into their retirement funds to pay daily expenses. Assets are divided leaving each party with some money, but they would have more to share as a couple.  When they were married, one spouse usually stayed at home to raise the children (meaning he or she may not have worked outside the home,) so spousal support may be in order.

For the Muslims marriage was Allah’s gift to mankind – the family supposedly should be resilient and thrive on the union of man and women. But, Allah being a wise God knew that not every relationship between man and women would work, so divorce is an option if there’s a valid reason.  Allah frowns on divorce when the married couple doesn’t have a valid reason for parting ways. 

Christian for years didn’t approve or support divorce but the norm has changed for them too – although most Christians have a difficult time accepting divorce they are much more tolerant than they were 10 or 15 years ago.

http://knowledgebase.findlaw.com/kb/2013/Apr/979275.html

Is it something in the air, the water or does the grass appear greener now to those wanting to dissolve their relationships. Could it be boredom from our high tech society – maybe we’ve become gadget and service poor. 

Or could the state of the nation be the culprit causing the discontentment due to a recession, morality dysfunction, corrupt Government and constant turmoil within our Country?  Maybe people are just on overload with too much to carry on their plates or maybe they’ve lost site of the things that once made our Nation resilient, strong and a safe haven for all. 

As Always,

Little Tboca 

Collaborative Divorce vs. Courtroom Divorce

If neither party can agree upon child custody, division of marital assets – the family law judge will follow the divorce guidelines of his or her State, which means both parties will have to give and take.
The divorce “pie” will be divided up between both parties.

But, when both parties are willing to work together and come to reasonable conclusions it’s a win win for them and the children.

Collaborative divorce is a positive alternative that prevents the parties from being exposed to the courtroom; it allows a couple to resolve the tough decisions together.  Both parties must be willing to follow the family laws of their State.

Collaborative divorce may be a much better option  ,because it will save them money, emotional trauma and alleviate the courtroom drama.  Both parties hire an attorney whose job is to act as referee and adviser while decisions are being made.

The attorneys will make sure everyone plays by the divorce laws in their state – in other words they not only look out for their client they insure that all decisions by both parties are legal.

One attorney can’t represent both parties – each party has their own attorney who is well versed in collaborative divorces. At times the attorneys will call on third party consultants to establish actual value of marital assets, financial experts or psychologists. The best interest off the children is a huge issue and the attorneys will serve as liaisons for the children trying to get the couple to work out child custody, who lives in the marital home etc…

The mail goal of the collaborate attorneys is to guide the couple on fair and reasonable solutions.  The attorney’s job is to make sure that decisions made are legal, fair and equitable for both parties. If at some time, the couples hit a snag and can’t agree on the main issues than the attorneys will step down.  Divorce is an extremely contentious subject and at times the couple hit a snag and refuse to collaborate. 

If this happens, divorce court is the next option on the horizon – remember the divorce judge will follow the same family laws that the collaborative attorneys did.  He or she will hand down the final decision based on the factual information given to them. 

Collaborative divorce is becoming popular saving both parties money and undue stress – many couples are finding this a great way to make the tough decisions without ending up in divorce court. 

As Always,    

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorce Attorney Shares All

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I have been following a local divorce attorney in Arizona who offers a hand up to those contemplating or going through divorce.  He’s aware of the many problems that exist in the not so friendly divorce environment and he’s the proof that many attorneys are professional hard working people and they aren’t just out to scam you and take your money. Great information for those contemplating or going through divorce from an Arizona divorce attorney!

It only takes a few bad apples to sour people on attorneys, the majority of our attorneys are good men and women who want to assist their clients and give them the best representation possible in a court of law. 

I’ve blogged many times about pro se litigants hoping they realize that although they have a right to represent themselves they also have an enormous amount of responsibilities that accompanies this right of self - representation. 

Statistics report that over 50% of the pro se divorce litigants don’t receive a favorable decision from the family law judge.  It’s time to stop blaming the judge and /or attorneys and do your homework.  The judge needs hard evidence and facts from the litigant to back up his or her statements.  The divorce attorney can’t win a case if the litigant refuses or neglects to produce the necessary documents that are requested.

Here is the email that I received today from this attorney – I believe there’s a lot of information that will help those going through or contemplating divorce.  No, I don’t work for this attorney, nor have I ever met him, but it only makes sense to publish this awesome email. 

Tip #1. Begin your divorce education today.

You need to educate yourself on the family law issues relevant to your unique circumstances. This is one time when you really do need to do your homework, or you will pay the price for your lack of focus and understanding. We have designed this website for you, so take full advantage of the legal information and resources available here -- it's convenient and it's free. 

When you set aside time to learn about an issue, child visitation for example, the more quickly you will grasp the legalities that your attorney needs to convey to you. The more quickly you grasp how the law applies to your case, the less you'll pay in attorney fees. We believe our website to be the most comprehensive family law resource in Arizona. 

We feature a discussion forum where people get their questions answered by a family law attorney. We have a child support calculator so parents know what to expect with support obligations. In our extensive collection of easy-to-understand legal articles, we discuss important court cases and the laws affecting Arizona families. 

SWe have a special section devoted to military divorce and our service men and women. We also have free seminar videos on divorce and other family law matters, available to watch at your convenience when you need the help. Our website is a terrific resource for you and will significantly improve your legal knowledge. That knowledge will manifest itself in your improved efficiency, both in discussions with your attorney and in negotiations with your spouse.

Tip #2. If at all possible, avoid litigation to resolve disputed issues.

Litigation is a very expensive method of resolving issues in your family law case, so it should be avoided whenever possible. Never use litigation as a means to punish your spouse or the other parent. You do have other very useful options. Whenever possible, agreeing to alternative dispute resolution methods (negotiation, mediation, ADR settlement conferences) to resolve as many issues as possible, if not all of them, will save you time and money. In that way, only the issues that simply cannot be agreed to are left for the court to decide with finality.

Tip #3. If you and your spouse agree on something, then write it down.

When you and your spouse come to an agreement on an issue, such as parenting time during summer vacations, then write it down. That is one less issue to be resolved through negotiation, mediation, or litigation. You may actually find that you and your spouse are in agreement on a fair number of the major decisions that must be made.

Tip #4. Make sure the fee arrangement is reasonable before you hire the attorney.

You need a lawyer who tells you upfront what the attorney fees will be. No attorney can predict what is going to happen as your case evolves, but he or she can anticipate the proceedings and how many attorney hours will be involved at each step. The attorney's billable rate must be discussed at the initial consultation, otherwise you'll have no idea what costs to expect. You need to know how you will be billed, how much of a "retainer fee" is required, and so on, so you can budget your costs throughout the case. The last thing you need is an attorney who routinely delays and drags things out, that approach to divorce will only cost you more money. You deserve efficiency and proficiency, nothing less.

Tip #5. Apply a cost-benefit analysis to every issue.

Not every issue is worth fighting over, so be practical and selective about what you want to spend your attorney dollars on. Don't let your emotions and frustrations obscure your rational thinking. When you look at an issue with a cost-benefit perspective, you'll stay focused on getting the divorce finished and done with. For example, if you had to choose, would you prefer to pay your attorney to negotiate over a used-toaster with your spouse's attorney? Or would you prefer to pay your attorney to negotiate spousal support? Which is really more important? It may seem silly, but people do get caught up in their emotions and what they perceive to be a fairness issue. When it comes to negotiations, focus on the important issues and let the little things, however frustrating, go by the wayside.

Tip #6. Letting your spouse's lawyer do all the work will cost you in the end.

Your spouse's lawyer may be a real nice person, but he or she doesn't work for you and is not looking out for your interests. Your penny-wise savings in letting opposing counsel determine your future will almost certainly be pound-foolish in the end.

Tip #7. You can do a lot of the work yourself, and that will save you money and help your attorney.

The time you take to be fully prepared will save you money. When your attorney asks for photocopies of all of your financial accounts, for example, be thorough and provide complete copies. You want your attorney to be businesslike and efficient, you should be the same. Utilize your attorney's time, don't waste it. 

You don't need to speak with your attorney, for instance, when your paralegal has the information for you. No matter which member of your legal team is on the telephone, keep your conversations organized and to the point. When you have a conference scheduled with your attorney, be fully prepared in advance. When in negotiations, take reasonable positions.

Always keep in mind the need to steer clear of litigation if possible. Remember, time is money, and it is your money that we're talking about.

Sincerely,

Scott David Stewart
Attorney

www.sdsfamilylaw.com

http://www.arizonalawgroup.com/

As Always,

Little Tboca