Children a Priority in Divorce

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Children - Priority for Divorce Judge

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Difference in Good Provider and Good Parent

Divorce judges have a different view on parenting - sometimes its hard to understand why the judge looks more favorable on one spouse then the other.  It all boils down to what is the "best interest of the children."

It's a proven fact that children’s love can’t be purchased – the bottom line is this children want your love, your mentoring and most of all your time. Presents, fancy clothes, expensive toys are actually a flimsy band aid that appears to be the perfect fix for children. Many parents substitute material things in place of unconditional love.

Are you a good provider or a good parent, actually many parents wear both hats?  But, inadvertently a good provider can be the trigger that ends up in divorce. He or she works 24/7 to provide a beautiful home, fancy clothes, expensive toys thinking they have done their duty for their spouse and their kids.

In fact, when divorce comes knocking they’re shocked, angry and on the fight – they feel they’ve been betrayed. They’ve been so busy providing over the years that they totally missed out on the God given blessing of parenting and strengthening their marriage.  To them money is the true measure of a successful spouse – they consider themselves a responsible partner and parent in the marriage.  If asked to rate themselves, they’re probably rating themselves somewhere between 8 and 10. 

When the spouse has filed for divorce the good provider feels they have been blind-sided and rejected. They don’t want a divorce and can’t understand why the spouse has turned on them.  They’ve worked 24/7 providing for the family only to be shunned or abandoned and without a doubt they’ve given their family the best of the best when it comes to a roof over their heads, fancy clothes, great schools and lavish gifts.

But a successful provider isn’t always considered a good parent or marriage partner because they haven’t had time to participate with spouse and children.  They’ve been to busy making money to hang out with the spouse and kids. Although they wanted to attend their children’s school or sports activities, their just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

So are you a good provider, but not a good parent?  Being a provider and good parent takes skill and the art of prioritizing.  It’s a balance that is difficult to achieve, but achievable. 

Your children and spouse need your time, your love and most of all your interaction with them as a family. The kids want to see you sitting on the bleachers watching them play a game or going with them fishing or on a picnic. The spouse deserves a date now and some free time just with you.

So before divorce reaches your doorstep, take a step back and evaluate yourself.  Have you carved out time for your family during your busy day?  Do you spend time hanging out with your kids, talking to them, playing games with them and mentoring them? 

A great way to evaluate yourself is this; (1) Has your marriage grown stronger over the years, (2) Do you spend time with your children or just supply them with material things, and (3) Can you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because you’re a good provider and a great parent? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce - Children are the Priority!

Best Interests of the Children

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. The judge will want to know which parent has been the primary caregiver during the marital relationship. He or she may discover that both parents are excellent caregivers and that will determine custody issues. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”   

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce. http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Children Pay the Dues in Divorce

www.caseboss.com 

It’s so difficult to realize that children suffer during and after divorce, because one or both parties couldn’t control their emotions. Your children love their grandparents, uncles and aunts! Children need their families and shame on you if you’re using the children as pawns in your divorce.  It makes children feel sad when ones they love so much are name calling, back biting, yelling and screaming at each other. 

Your children will always remember and thank you, if both parents can sit down and tell them they love them and it’s not their fault that daddy and mommy are getting a divorce.  Do what is best for the children always place their welfare ahead of 2 angry adults that just can’t wait to gouge and punish each other with spiteful accusations. 

Parents so often get wrapped up in their selfish little worlds that they will do anything to prove a point or punish the other person.  The little ones are the ones who suffer and pay the dues for a disastrous divorce.  

It’s a good rule of thumb if contemplating divorce to keep your divorce between the two parting ways.   

Don’t share your dirty laundry with friends, family or neighbors because one day it will come back to haunt you.In a moment of weakness you decide to hurt your soon to be ex - spouse by posting a wild party on Facebook you just attended or an extended vacation with boyfriend or girlfriend. 

Run from the social media during divorce proceedings - attorneys are pros at tracking down your most   recent new relationships or activities and it may affect the family law judge’s decisions.  After-all if you’re out enjoying a so called single life before the divorce is over, are you really a parent who should have custody of the children? 

 Here I go again, catch myself stating this one more time – a family law judge’s priority is the children & he or she will make decisions which are in the “best interest” of the children.

  

In closing, if you take off your rose colored glasses when contemplating divorce and think about the children first, everything else seems secondary.  

Your decisions will amaze you as the children are now your priority and paying back your soon to be ex isn’t nearly as important as it was two weeks ago. You become centered on the kids their future, education, sharing custody if possible etc... 

As Always,
Little Tboca

Child Custody Facts

The “Best Interest of the Children” is a phrase worth remembering.  If your divorce is being contested, the judge may be the one who has to make the final custody decisions.  The priority of most family law judges is the children, because technically they are acting as a liaison for the children.  Thank goodness divorce judges put the children first.

If the parents can work out the custody situation together actually thinking about the best interest of their child or children, it can be a win win situation for both parents and the children.

When both parents have been equal or almost equal caregivers, possibly joint custody would be a good choice. This allows parents to make decisions for the children on education, health, extra curricular activities, religion etc. Joint custody does appear best for the parents and/or children - when the children are shuffled back from one home to the other it may be a hard adjustment for the children to make.

Judges will delve into the joint custody issue, because he or she wants to feel that both parents are accountable, responsible and capable of making decisions together in the best interest of the child or children.  It’s a difficult call for a judge, because they are trying to decide if both parents are equal in their parenting capabilities and if both parents can work as a team to mentor, love and care for the little ones. 

Physical custody and legal custody are often intertwined.  The physical piece of this type custody means the child will live with one parent the majority of the time. This parent is considered the “custodial parent.”

The non custodial parent may be granted physical custody which means he or she will be a decision maker in important issues like health, education and religion etc.

With unmarried parents, laws in most states favor giving the mother sole custody if in fact she has demonstrated that she is a good parent. If the mother is unable to care for the child, the other parent (father) usually gets custody.

Family law judges get beaten up for making the tough custody decisions, but remember they consider the child first and what is in the “best interest of the child.”  

Custody of the children is the toughest decision family law judges must make, because sometimes it seems both parents have shared equal responsibility in rearing the children.  At times when the child or children are older the judge may talk with them and ask them their preferences. 

It is a good idea to check out your state’s family laws specifically the child custody laws regarding primary caregivers. Both parents should try to make the best choice for the children and not use the children as pawns in their divorce.

As Always,

Little Tboca