Difference in Good Provider and Good Parent

Divorce judges have a different view on parenting - sometimes its hard to understand why the judge looks more favorable on one spouse then the other.  It all boils down to what is the "best interest of the children."

It's a proven fact that children’s love can’t be purchased – the bottom line is this children want your love, your mentoring and most of all your time. Presents, fancy clothes, expensive toys are actually a flimsy band aid that appears to be the perfect fix for children. Many parents substitute material things in place of unconditional love.

Are you a good provider or a good parent, actually many parents wear both hats?  But, inadvertently a good provider can be the trigger that ends up in divorce. He or she works 24/7 to provide a beautiful home, fancy clothes, expensive toys thinking they have done their duty for their spouse and their kids.

In fact, when divorce comes knocking they’re shocked, angry and on the fight – they feel they’ve been betrayed. They’ve been so busy providing over the years that they totally missed out on the God given blessing of parenting and strengthening their marriage.  To them money is the true measure of a successful spouse – they consider themselves a responsible partner and parent in the marriage.  If asked to rate themselves, they’re probably rating themselves somewhere between 8 and 10. 

When the spouse has filed for divorce the good provider feels they have been blind-sided and rejected. They don’t want a divorce and can’t understand why the spouse has turned on them.  They’ve worked 24/7 providing for the family only to be shunned or abandoned and without a doubt they’ve given their family the best of the best when it comes to a roof over their heads, fancy clothes, great schools and lavish gifts.

But a successful provider isn’t always considered a good parent or marriage partner because they haven’t had time to participate with spouse and children.  They’ve been to busy making money to hang out with the spouse and kids. Although they wanted to attend their children’s school or sports activities, their just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

So are you a good provider, but not a good parent?  Being a provider and good parent takes skill and the art of prioritizing.  It’s a balance that is difficult to achieve, but achievable. 

Your children and spouse need your time, your love and most of all your interaction with them as a family. The kids want to see you sitting on the bleachers watching them play a game or going with them fishing or on a picnic. The spouse deserves a date now and some free time just with you.

So before divorce reaches your doorstep, take a step back and evaluate yourself.  Have you carved out time for your family during your busy day?  Do you spend time hanging out with your kids, talking to them, playing games with them and mentoring them? 

A great way to evaluate yourself is this; (1) Has your marriage grown stronger over the years, (2) Do you spend time with your children or just supply them with material things, and (3) Can you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because you’re a good provider and a great parent? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce - Children are the Priority!

Best Interests of the Children

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. The judge will want to know which parent has been the primary caregiver during the marital relationship. He or she may discover that both parents are excellent caregivers and that will determine custody issues. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”   

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce. http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca