Parents Wear Two Hats

It’s a proven fact that children’s love can’t be purchased – the bottom line is this children want your love, your mentoring and most of all your time. Presents, fancy clothes, expensive toys are actually a flimsy band aid that appears to be the perfect fix for children. Many parents substitute material things in place of unconditional love.

Are you a good provider or a good parent, actually many parents wear both hats?  But, inadvertently a good provider can be the trigger that ends up in divorce. He or she works 24/7 to provide a beautiful home, fancy clothes, expensive toys thinking they have done their duty for their spouse and their kids.

In fact, when divorce comes knocking they’re shocked, angry and on the fight – they feel they’ve been betrayed. They’ve been so busy providing over the years that they totally missed out on the God given blessing of parenting and strengthening their marriage.  To them money is the true measure of a successful spouse – they consider themselves a responsible partner and parent in the marriage.  If asked to rate themselves, they’re probably rating themselves somewhere between 8 and 10. 

When the spouse has filed for divorce the good provider feels they have been blind-sided and rejected. They don’t want a divorce and can’t understand why the spouse has turned on them.  They’ve worked 24/7 providing for the family only to be shunned or abandoned and without a doubt they’ve given their family the best of the best when it comes to a roof over their heads, fancy clothes, great schools and lavish gifts.

But a successful provider isn’t always considered a good parent or marriage partner because they haven’t had time to participate with spouse and children.  They’ve been to busy making money to hang out with the spouse and kids. Although they wanted to attend their children’s school or sports activities, their just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

So are you a good provider, but not a good parent?  Being a provider and good parent takes skill and the art of prioritizing.  It’s a balance that is difficult to achieve, but achievable. 

Your children and spouse need your time, your love and most of all your interaction with them as a family. The kids want to see you sitting on the bleachers watching them play a game or going with them fishing or on a picnic. The spouse deserves a date now and some free time just with you.

So before divorce reaches your doorstep, take a step back and evaluate yourself.  Have you carved out time for your family during your busy day?  Do you spend time hanging out with your kids, talking to them, playing games with them and mentoring them?  A great way to evaluate yourself is this; (1) Has your marriage grown stronger over the years, (2) Do you spend time with your children or just supply them with material things, and (3) Can you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because you’re a good provider and a great parent? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Marketing Divorce

 "Divorce" is marketed  almost like the company that sells  "Stuffies" for kids. It's the latest and greatest gift for adults - the way to dump the spouse, buy a showroom model and get back all that new fangled "freedom" you once had - its a "fad" that everyone raves about... Everyone is doing it, well not everyone but about 50% of all marriages end up in divorce.

You see ads for the quickie "do it yourself" divorce which would lead one to believe that if you jot your John Henry down on a few papers you're free as a bird. It's a slick way to remove the burdensome clutches of a mate that you no longer like or want in your life - almost as good as a "get out of jail" free card.

Then there's the sites selling divorce forms for a small fee along with a dab of assistance- this type of merchandising is sort of like shopping for car insurance, just dial in the price you want to pay and it's a done deal. It's a case of if it looks too good to be true it probably is...

One of the worst problems is the sites advertising "pro se" divorce showboating your right to represent yourself without legal counsel.  All you gotta do is just download the forms, fill them out and trot right off to divorce court - this leaves the pro se litigant at the mercy of the court. This is true,  pro se divorce is legal, but full of loopholes if one doesn't accept the responsibilities that accompany this right.

So many of the divorce videos are just like a Saturday Night Live divorce satire - short on information and long on "crazy."  The movie star divorces are truly a different cat and their divorce shenanigans can't be compared to the average divorce. The stars love the publicity and have an unlimited amount of money at their finger tips - they hire the high powered attorneys, keep a continuing dialogue with the news media and spend their spare time posing for pictures.

So back to divorce - isn't it time to concentrate on positive avenues that might prevent divorce?  Here's something to dwell on for a bit...

What I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you all they can.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

- Omer Washington

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca 

Divorce in 2013

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Divorce in 2013 presents many problems which are out of your control. In addition to dissolving a marital relationship one must think about the existing economic environment in our Nation. 

Family law judges can’t predict the future and must make their decisions based on present circumstances. 

The recession is still alive and gnawing at our heels – our Nation has acquired a National deficit that is at this point and time almost unsustainable.  Factors such as Obamacare, EPA regulations are determinants that will and are affecting the work force.

What the future holds for those contemplating or going thru divorce is unknown at this time.  One or both parties may lose their jobs or be demoted to part time jobs.  If individuals have to pay for their own health insurance, this will reduce the anticipated monthly income.

It’s the unknowns in 2013 that make divorce such an unpredictable issue. Will there be money to meet monthly bills, pay child support, alimony if you find yourself in the unemployment line?  Will the children suffer dramatically due to your decision?  Will divorce harm both parties and the children at this time?

Anger, emotions, economic problem, financial issues all factor into your decision to get a divorce.  If there’s abuse or excessive problems with addiction, it may be best to get some legal support and discuss your options at this time.  

Probably one of the safest things that one can do before filing divorce papers is to set up a free consultation with an attorney.  Find out how divorce will affect you financially now and in the future.  Find out how marital assets will be divided and discuss what would be in the “best interest” of the children.  Discuss alimony, child custody and liabilities with the attorney.

Divorce is advertise as a commodity that will give you an overnight fix to all of your problems – it is a family law that allows parties to dissolve a marriage, but not necessarily remove personal responsibility or liability. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Could Legal Separation Work for You

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Does legal separation always lead to divorce?  Does legal separation remove responsibilities for paying bills or supporting children?  Sometimes legal separation is a very positive decision allowing both parties time to cool off, get a handle on their anger and emotions.

For many couples legal separation is a positive step before actually arriving in the divorce arena - it gives both parties time to reflect, analyze and evaluate their marital relationship.

Not all marriages have to end up in divorce.  Marriage without a doubt requires a willingness on both parties to give and take. Blame is never a solution, but it can create havoc in a relationship. Below is a video from Findlaw that briefly discusses legal separation. Legal separation may be a better option at this time then divorce.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Your Divorce Advice - Writers Welcome

WELCOME TO DIVORCE DEN -  WRITERS ALWAYS WELCOME

Looking for informative divorce articles that may help those going through or contemplating divorce.  If you were a pro se litigant, take a minute to offer some first hand advice to others who want to represent themselves. Maybe you've experienced a fierce child custody battle - tell your story. Men's divorce is somewhat different from women's divorce - tell us your story.

Ideally it would be nice if the rapid divorce rate would slow up and marriages saved especially when there are children involved. 

Contact me at littletboca@gmail.com or send me an article to same address

As Always,

Little Tboca  

www.caseboss.com

Mediate - Collaborate or Bully

Divorce is tough even in the best of circumstances when both parties are willing to work together to resolve problems.  Many couples facing divorce are still able to communicate and agree on child custody, division of marital assets, who stays in the home and how their liabilities will be divided.

 

Others who struggle with communication choose mediation or collaboration as options – by bringing a third party or parties to the table they seem to function rather well in making final decisions about their divorce.  

There are many divorces where the couples meet in the middle, no contest and wrap up their divorce in a neat little package that both agree upon.  Not all divorces are contentious and doomed to head for divorce court – this is a good thing and often has the best positive outcome for both parties. 

But there is another side to some marital relationships that lack communication or the desire to resolve their differences.  This marital relationship is toxic and one or both parties have “pay - back” etched on their foreheads. 

   

One or both spouses are “power driven” and refuse to collaborate or mediate – they want the lion’s share of marital assets and total custody of the children.  They live their lives via intimidation and threats – usually fearful though of any type of mediation because this would show a weakness on their part. 

Sometimes the marital relationship has been totally broken due to one or both parties refusing to communicate.  Without a line of communication nothing can be settled or resolved so the couple will probably end up in divorce court. 

There are a few red flags to watch out for in these very contentious divorces that are anger and emotionally charged.  Does your spouse have a high powered divorce attorney?  Are the children being used as pawns?  Has your spouse tampered with joint savings or bank accounts? 

The safest way to protect yourself and your children is to at least have a consult with a divorce attorney.  Find out what your legal rights are before it’s too late.  No one cares as much about the outcomes of this divorce as you do – so carefully weigh your options and take the necessary steps to receive a favorable decision from a divorce judge. 

Once the divorce is final, each parties lifestyles change and one must wonder was it for the good of both parties?

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money, and divorce a matter of course. ~ Helen Rowland

 As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorced Man Tells All

Everyone has heard the expression a day late and dollar short and often this is the case with divorces. Instead of doing some soul searching about one's role in a marriage we do what is inherent human instinct - we ease our pain and disappointment by placing the blame on someone else.

Once we remove responsibility for our own actions and place it on someone else's shoulders we devote our time building a case against that person or persons. This happens often in marital relationships and the strange thing about this, we've actually sabotaged ourselves.

The video below is a man's viewpoint after his divorce and it has gone viral. Immediately after his divorce he dissected his marital relationship and accepts responsibility for his actions or lack of actions. This applies to women not just men. Hope it helps someone when they are contemplating divorce in the near future.

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca