Marriage Doesn't Have to Crash

Does legal separation always lead to divorce?  Does legal separation remove responsibilities for paying bills or supporting children?  Sometimes legal separation is a very positive decision allowing both parties time to cool off, get a handle on their anger and emotions. Maybe there's other answers besides divorce for men and women.

For many couples legal separation is a positive step before actually arriving in the divorce arena - it gives both parties time to reflect, analyze and evaluate their marital relationship.

Not all marriages have to end up in divorce.  Marriage without a doubt requires a willingness on both parties to give and take. Blame is never a solution, but it can create havoc in a relationship. Below is a video from Findlaw that briefly discusses legal separation. Legal separation may be a better option at this time then divorce.

As Always,

Little Tboca  

www.caseboss.com

Man Dissects Marital Relationship

Everyone has heard the expression a day late and dollar short and often this is the case with divorces. Instead of doing some soul searching about one's role in a marriage we do what is inherent human instinct - we ease our pain and disappointment by placing the blame on someone else.

Once we remove responsibility for our own actions and place it on someone else's shoulders we devote our time building a case against that person or persons. This happens often in marital relationships and the strange thing about this, we've actually sabotaged ourselves.

The video below is a man's viewpoint after his divorce and it has gone viral. Immediately after his divorce he dissected his marital relationship and accepts responsibility for his actions or lack of actions. This applies to women not just men. Hope it helps someone when they are contemplating divorce in the near future.

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Are You a Victim of Domestic Violence?

Are you a victim of domestic violence?  This doesn’t just refer to married couples and no longer is just referred to as “wife abuse.”  Domestic violence encompasses many different types of relationships – it could be a friend, roommate, cohabitants or children.  This type of abuse can be against anyone and is definitely a critical problem in our United States - in fact one of the bigger problems existing in our Nation.

There are many different forms of abuse where one person is trying to control another person thru intimidation, physical or emotional abuse.  Other actions considered abusive would include sexual abuse, stalking, threats etc…

Many people who are suffering from domestic violence aren’t really sure if they are a victim of abuse or not so it’s very important to study and learn what constitutes domestic violence. States vary in their domestic violence laws, so it’s best to consult with an attorney or counselor and study your States laws on this type of abuse.

 Actually at times the abuser doesn’t realize that what they’re doing to another person is abuse.

Friends and family are sometimes the first people to realize that a loved one is being abused.  It is a very difficult conversation to have with a friend or family member that they are in fact a victim of abuse.  Sometimes a spouse is aware of abusive behavior of their partner against the couple children, but they are slow to intervene and some even are in denial. 

Some abusive behavior that can be sugar coated and hidden is when one person controls the purse strings making the other person totally dependent upon them.  Outsiders may not realize that this in fact is going on, because it happens in all walks of life including the poor and wealthy.

Emotional abuse is another severe problem and often occurs over a long period of time – the abuser is actually almost brainwashing the other person attacking them with verbal abuse and false accusations.  So often the abuser has gotten away with this devious behavior without being detected because the one being abused usually doesn’t share this with friends or family. 

 If there are children in the home, they may realize what is happening to a parent, but usually children don’t understand how to intervene and help a parent.

It’s a total myth that only a spouse can get a protective order – a person cohabitating can usually get a protective order (check with your State as the laws vary.)  Many states have laws that allow restraining orders against family members, roommate or other adult relationships etc...  

Domestic abuse runs rampant  in our United States. Don’t be or become a victim of an abuser – stop it immediately.  If you’re not sure what to do, ask for help –

As Always, 

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Honey I Love You - You've Got to Go

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When a marriage goes from honey I love you to honey you’ve got to go – it may be best to consider all options before chucking a once beautiful relationship. There probably was a time when your spouse was your confidant, you best friend, your defender and partner. So what happened that put you on the road to divorce?

                                          

Yeh, yeh it’s human nature to hurl the blame at your marriage partner. You’ve made a divorce list and checking it twice just to make sure you didn’t miss one little piddly diddly thing. You’re dead set on getting your freedom come hell or high water – after all you deserve a better life. 

So just for kicks let’s check out what you did to deserve this better life. When your spouse lost his or her job did you comfort them and give them a tad of encouragement or did you turn your back, because there was only one bread winner in the house now?

When your marriage partner needed a friend, were you there for them or did you look at him or her like they had two heads and say grow up, get a life? When your spouse wanted to spend the week end with you – did you opt to party with friends or have your parents come for a visit?

When your other half wanted to meet your for a luncheon date or catch a good movie with you – did you make it happen or just make excuses why you couldn’t spend time with them?

When your spouse bought you gift that you hated – how did you handle it?  When your spouse wanted to start going to Church, did you laugh and tell them it’s a waste of time?

It’s difficult times for families due to the recession – homes, jobs and hope has been lost. Did you let the tough external things that occur due to the recession ruin a once beautiful marriage?  Did you lose an awesome relationship, because you were swimming in your own sorrows and needed someone to blame? 

When was the last time you said, “honey I love you?  So often it’s the little things that are small red flags in the marriage, usually overlooked by one or both spouses. Judges have said that often neither spouse remembers what started the problems in their marriage – they just woke up one day with a stranger in their house.

No doubt there are many reasons why divorce is the best choice; there may be abuse in the marriage, a dysfunctional spouse, infidelity etc. and it may be time to move on…

But, when a marriage becomes fragmented because two people quit communicating and went their separate ways, it might be a good time to revisit all of the things that made your marriage beautiful and special. Marriage is like a roller coaster ride – it’s a mix of highs and lows. No one promised you a rose garden! 

Divorce isn’t a ‘get out of jail free card;” it is destructive to you, your spouse and the children. Families carry the scars of divorce for a lifetime.

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce Isn't a Mystery

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Divorce to like an amputation. Sometimes it's necessary but it should be avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability. Bill Doherty -  DrBillDoherty.org

It’s not a mystery that divorce is now a common household word – about 1 out of 2 marriages fall by the wayside. Psychologist will give you their slant on why two people decide to part ways – they’ll say lack of communication, personal differences, religion, the children etc. It’s possible that “norm and technology” could be the culprits.

The “norm” changes almost as often as we change our underwear or brush our teeth. There was a time when the father was the breadwinner and the mother stayed at home running the household and raising the children. Both parents participated in mentoring, disciplining and loving their children.

But as the norm changed so did the family dynamics. Mothers ventured out into the real world looking for their pot of gold. They wanted a better education, a job and most of all they wanted to get out of the dependency pit; they wanted to fly on their own.

The family foundation suffered dramatically, father’s started losing their identity and the children lost their clout and were no longer a top priority. Father and mother were both working and someone else had to take the job of mentoring and raising the children. Teachers, daycare technicians, baby sitters and of course grandparents were assigned the role of parenting. 

About the same time, good parents jumped on the “Spock” bandwagon and set the children free, whatever that means. The family structure toppled and the children ran the household.  Love took on a new connotation – it was all about gifts, material things and freedom. 

The high tech society kicked in and computers dominated the scene – the scuttlebutt on the street was that the computer age would free parents up, give them more time with their families. None of that happened! 

Fathers and mothers became unwilling victims of the high tech society that is still gobbling them up. Both parents are on a fast train to nowhere working longer hours, making less money and literally living separate lives. They become strangers in their own homes as marriage starts disintegrating. 

Could divorce be the result of a high tech society that has engulfed the daily lives of two people?  The norm for marriage has gone from love, honor and obey until death to an open ended contract without any parameters leaving the door wide open for divorce. 

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/Three-Major-Causes-Of-Divorce.htm

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same
person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."
Billy Graham

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce Child Custody

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Divorce law varies from state to state and so do divorce forms. Divorce decisions depend upon the type of relationship you have with other person.

Marriage and cohabitating are two entirely different lifestyles – divorce judges try to make child custody decisions based on the “best interest” of the children.

When couples cohabitate rather than marry, the family law judge in most states grant sole custody of the child or children to the mother, if she is deemed to be a good parent. There are exceptions to this sole custody law if the father can provide evidence that the mother is unstable or unable to function or perform the duties required of a parent.

When the mother isn’t in the home, has passed away or is in an institution the father is granted sole custody over grandparents, aunts, uncles or family friends. The exception to this rule is when the father is unable to provide a home for the children or suffers from chronic addictions, in an institution or has passed away. 

When deciding custody family law judges make final decisions based on the “best interests” of the children – usually the “best interests” of the children supersedes all other laws. A parent is considered to be a fit parent unless he or she is ruled unfit due to personal lifestyle or activities. 

Child custody remains one of the most contentious, heart breaking battles in family law courts. When a good parent allows anger and emotion to dictate their actions they may lose the custody battle before their day in court.

http://www.zoefamilylaw.com/blog/2013/02/texas-father-seeks-sole-custody-of-child.shtml

If a couple is married, judges at times will make the decision to give one parent sole legal custody – this allows one parent to make all major decisions about the child or children’s physical and emotional welfare. 

Often times the judge grants a parent sole physical custody of the children, but grants the other parent visitation rights unless the court feels visitation rights at this time isn’t in the best interest of the children. A judge’s ultimate goal is to allow the children to interact with both parents if possible.

A word of caution about custody battles, if one spouse has legal counsel and one spouse has opted to themselves (pro se,) the spouse with legal counsel will probably get the custody nod from the judge. Of course if the pro se litigant has studied family law, child custody laws and knows courtroom procedures they may win the custody battle – it’s a risk when one spouse has legal counsel. 

Pro se litigants must be prepared to show evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have been the primary caregiver during the marriage. This takes documentation and proof in the courtroom. Child custody battles prove to be a slippery slope that can head any direction – this might be the time to hire legal counsel. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Perils of Divorce in 2013

Is divorce a real solution or merely a band aid in 2013?  Will dissolving a marriage be the answer to fixing the problems you’re facing?  Maybe you and your spouse have fallen victim to the ever changing DNA of our country.  

Emotions are running high due to hard times that have rocked our Nation’s citizens – fear of what the future may hold is prevalent in millions of households in 2013.   

You’re fed up with your fractured family life – everything about your married life seems

unfair and distorted. No one seems to care, especially your spouse.  Every day is a struggle to exist and keep afloat.  Millions of married men and women are contemplating divorce in 2013 and here’s where the problem begins.

Marital relationships are being tried and tested daily – possibly neither party is to blame for the discontent, anger and tension existing in the homes.  There may be outside stimulants that are gnawing and shredding what once was a nearly perfect relationship between husband and wife.  

It’s a grim picture that the US Census bureau offers on divorce – over 6,000 divorces per day equating to over 46,000 divorces per week.  Some statistics suggest that almost 50% of marriages end up in divorce.  http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/blog/divorce/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/  October 30, 2012

Divorce is like an after shock caused by the times, Government scandals make headlines and we the people take the hit left to pick up the pieces of a corrupt Government.  Starting with the housing bubble, the stimulus package, and the many changes in our Government administration America has steadily regressed. 

Not just married couples, but people from all walks of life have suffered due to a fractured economy, an ever growing National debt, steady increase in unemployment and a barrage of other things that are attacking us.

The sad thing is marriage is taking a “hit’ due to outside influences that the average human being can’t control.  The middle class which has been the Nation’s mainstay is quickly disappearing.  This class of people has truly been hit below the belt due to loss of homes, jobs, savings, retirement and hope. 

In many instance, the blame for a broken marriage has shifted from the real culprits to the spouse.  Dysfunction in the family often times comes form the loss of hope. Spouses have lost their jobs, their homes and their ability to function, not because of their marriage partner but because of the disgusting DNA that our Nation now embraces. 

Possibly the old adage that two heads are better than one should be revisited, because it’s going to be pretty darn lonely out there if you go it alone.  It’s almost impossible for either spouse to function alone when neither one has a job. Maybe understanding what is actually creating havoc in the marriage would ease the anger and uncontrolled emotions that husband and wife are experiencing daily.

 God is alive and well and times will get better.  People will once again have jobs, homes and hope – nothing wrong with putting divorce on hold for a while. 

As Always,

Little Tboca   

www.caseboss.com

Marriage a Commitment – Divorce a Disability

Divorce to like an amputation. Sometimes it's necessary but it should be
avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.
Bill Doherty, DrBillDoherty.org

It’s not a mystery that divorce is now a common household word – about 1 out of 2 marriages fall by the wayside. Psychologist will give you their slant on why two people decide to part ways – they’ll say lack of communication, personal differences, religion, the children etc. It’s possible that “norm and technology” could be the culprits.

The “norm” changes almost as often as we change our underwear or brush our teeth. There was a time when the father was the breadwinner and the mother stayed at home running the household and raising the children. Both parents participated in mentoring, disciplining and loving their children.

But as the norm changed so did the family dynamics. Mothers ventured out into the real world looking for their pot of gold. They wanted a better education, a job and most of all they wanted to get out of the dependency pit; they wanted to fly on their own.

The family foundation suffered dramatically, father’s started losing their identity and the children lost their clout and were no longer a top priority. Father and mother were both working and someone else had to take the job of mentoring and raising the children. Teachers, daycare technicians, baby sitters and of course grandparents were assigned the role of parenting. 

About the same time, good parents jumped on the “Spock” bandwagon and set the children free, whatever that means. The family structure toppled and the children ran the household.  Love took on a new connotation – it was all about gifts, material things and freedom. 

The high tech society kicked in computers dominated the scene – the scuttlebutt on the street was that the computer age would free parents up, give them more time with their families. None of that happened! 

Fathers and mothers became unwilling victims of the high tech society that is still gobbling them up. Both parents are on a fast train to nowhere working longer hours, making less money and literally living separate lives. They become strangers in their own homes as marriage starts disintegrating. 

Could divorce be the result of a high tech society that has engulfed the daily lives of two people?  The norm for marriage has gone from love, honor and obey until death to an open ended contract without any parameters leaving the door wide open for divorce. 

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/Three-Major-Causes-Of-Divorce.htm

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same
person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."
Billy Graham

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com