Pro Se Divorce – Ditch the Attorneys

You’ve made a decision to represent yourself (Pro se) in divorce court. The decision was due to finances, your intense dislike of attorneys or your perception that you are the best person available to represent yourself in divorce court. Statistics show that pro se divorce is the new fad – so it’s your turn to prepare for your day in court.

Statistics also show that a large percentage of pro se litigants leave the courtroom with their bucket half empty. They assumed that because they were representing themselves everyone and his brother would offer a helping hand – wrong, judges don’t have the time to take you by the hand and the court staff isn’t allowed to offer legal advice.

Pro se litigants want their cake and want to eat it too – they don’t want to pay for legal counsel, they don’t want to learn family law rules and procedures and they darn sure aren’t going to take time to attend divorce seminars and workshops that are offered through our judicial system. 

The pro se litigant is flying by the seat of his or her pants and most likely will suffer an unmerciful beating in court – the American Bar Association and over 1200 judges that were interviewed say the pro se litigants lose more than they should in divorce court.

No doubt it makes one feel better if they can blame someone for their shortcomings, but the bottom-line is this – it isn’t the judge’s fault, or the fault of your ex’s legal counsel, nor the judicial system. You didn’t do your homework or prepare a solid case for your day in court.

This information comes from the American Bar Association, “Not knowing the legal requirements or procedural rules, omitting important signatures, not following Court schedule, missing deadlines are but a few of the problems that Pro Se litigants experience.” 

A few other problems that weaken your divorce case is not knowing the Statute of Limitations in your State, not knowing how to fill out interrogatories, not knowing how to serve papers legally on your spouse and the pre-conceived idea that everyone owes you a handout.

Divorce is tough, one day in court and a small window of time to present your case to a family law judge. Don’t end up in divorce court with a bunch of lose papers, receipts and sticky notes – build a case that is airtight and strive for a favorable decision from the judge.  Go to www.caseboss.com – there isn’t any charge and you have a great team at your fingertips to answer questions and guide 30 people for 1 year.

Quit shuffling thru papers, learn how to organize documents by day, time and subject – learn how to create specific reports, tag information and prepare a strong case.  

As Always,
Little Tboca

What Divorce Judges Hate

Judges are human, have feelings and need a little coddling now and then.  They don’t like their courtroom in disarray with spouses acting like hyenas in for the kill.  Nor do they like litigants who come to court expecting a “pitty party.” 

The judge has a very small window of time to hear your divorce and make his or her decision. Without realizing it, what you do and how you act in court impacts your case. 

For the women, if you’re dressed like a hooker don’t expect any special favors from the judge, this is especially true if there are children involved.  In fact you’ve already shown disrespect for the judge in his or her courtroom.

Same things goes for the men, arriving in court dressed like Fred Flintstone, looking like you’ve just crawled out of bed probably will get you a couple of bad dings before divorce proceedings start.

The judge is very perceptive and your body language can be extremely disruptive if you’re shaking your head, pointing your finger or shooting daggers at your soon to be ex.  The judge has a job to do - speak when spoken to and don’t turn the courtroom into a backyard brawl.

The fact that two people are appearing before a divorce judge probably means that the divorce is contested and very little is agreed upon – so do yourself a favor and follow the family law rules courtroom etiquette.   

The judge has your future in his or her hands. What does coddling the judge mean? It merely means that one should act respectful and behave appropriately in his or hers courtroom.  Your demeanor and actions in court will affect the judge’s final decision.

Refer to the judge as “your honor” not Judge Wilson, talk to the judge not to the soon to be ex or his or her attorney.  Give special attention to your attire and body language.  Never argue with the judge – present a strong case in court with verified proof of bills you have paid, parenting of the children including time spent with children, additional expenses since filing for divorce etc… 

When speaking to the judge, always include the spouse saying our children, our liabilities, our assets and our relationship. Give the judge the necessary tools to grant you a favorable decision – leave emotions out of the courtroom.  Stay on task – your job is to get a favorable decision from the judge.  Don’t play Russian roulette in the courtroom!

As Always,

Little Tboca     



Divorce – Best Interest of the Children

Best interest of the children

It’s not a secret that a good family law judge makes children their priority when making the decision which parent stays in the home, custody issues, alimony and division of assets or property. If you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of this written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com



The Pitfalls of Divorce 2013

Divorce litigants are facing extreme almost insurmountable roadblocks in 2013.  Before filing for divorce it’s important to understand what lies ahead.  Judges have a backlog of divorce cases and their courtrooms are clogged due to the fact so many litigants are trying to represent themselves in the courtroom. 

Each year courts are facing financial pains – their funding continues to be slashed, staff must be reduced or furloughed and some courts are closing their doors or adjusting hours.  Along with the financial problems, courts have been clobbered with pro se litigation.  People are trying to save money via self representation and/or they believe they have the ability to master the family law divorce laws and follow courtroom etiquette and procedures. 

Clogging in the courtroom comes from a variety of errors made by pro se litigants.  Many are not taking the time to file correctly for divorce following the Statute of Limitations.  Many don’t know how to fill out or take the time to answer interrogatories, ask for temporary orders or even complete divorce forms correctly.

Signatures are missing, papers not served on spouse timely; consequently pro se litigants may have their case dismissed or walk out of the courtroom with an unfavorable judgment.   

Many pro se litigants fail to prepare their case correctly or just assume that they will sit down and have a friendly little chat with the judge and a case isn’t really necessary.  Pro se litigation is becoming an epidemic that is heading south by the day. 

By law you have a right to represent yourself, but by law you also have a responsibility to study family law and learn how to prepare a favorable case for your day in court.  Court staff can’t give you legal support, no one is standing around to pick up the pieces for you – self representation requires hours of study and homework. A low percentage of pro se divorce cases have a favorable outcome. Pro se litigants can’t keep blaming the attorneys, judges, court staff or the system for their failures.

Here is one solution for divorce litigants – www.caseboss.com  This is a company getting ready to launch that is offering free assistance for one year to litigants who want to build a powerful divorce case for their day in court.

Their team will respond quickly to your inquiries or questions – but the bottom line is this: (1) No one cares as much about your case as you do, (2) You have taken on the job of legal counsel, and (3) There’s no easy way to win a divorce case in court.

As Always,

Little Tboca



Divorce - Adulterous Relationships

Don't Forget the Children

Is infidelity in a marriage taken into consideration by a family law judge?  If you’re in a no fault state, it probably isn’t going to be a deciding factor in your divorce. Infidelity will cause problems when the cheater tries to get their spouse to agree on a tentative settlement. It is only human nature to fight back when one feels betrayed or rejected; it’s the one trump card that the jilted spouse holds and it’s an extremely powerful card. 

At this point, the spouse no longer feels an inner need to be fair, whatever that may mean.  He or she turns into a banker, accountant, a strategist and what might have been a mutual divorce turns into the wreck of the century. What about the children, who’s is watching out for the children? Two outstanding attorneys always put the children first in their courtroom – neither judge approved of an intimate relationship during the divorce. 

Katherine Eisold Miller is a prominent Collaborative Lawyer and family mediator is now a public educator helping husband and wives choose the best way when divorce is eminent. 

Katherine feels the children should be the priority and encourages parents to make best choices for the children’s sake. She feels an adulteress relationship has very little impact in a no fault state. But, in those states that take fault into consideration the division of property, alimony, child support can be seriously affected.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Katherine%20Eisold%20Miller/

A family law judge (Judge Ann Kass,) from New Mexico always put the children first. She had zero tolerance for those intimately involved in a relationship before the divorce is final. 

http://www.divorcepeers.com/dating-during-divorce.htm

Although New Mexico is a no-fault state, Judge Ann Kass always put the children first. In one of her articles, she said,” But whatever the grown-ups do to themselves, they should absolutely avoid introducing any new companions to their children until the divorce is over and until there is a solid foundation for the new relationship with some reasonable degree of probability that it will last.

If married adults would put the children first, there probably wouldn’t be as many divorces or broken homes. Divorce devours the entire family; no one misses the angry fangs of divorce. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com



Pro Se Litigants - Share Your Story

  

 Everyone has a story – this week I’m inviting 5 people who want to help the divorce community.  I’m calling this week “pay it forward.”  If you have the time, sit down and write about your experience prior to the divorce, during the divorce and what you see in your future.

Tell us about your day in court – did your spouse have legal representation?

Did you go to court with just your story or did you present a strong case to the judge?  What would you do different if you could have redo your day in court. 

Names will not be used, this isn’t a facebook or twitter site – it’s the story that counts, not your name. Please send me your story to littletboca@gmail.com.

Fix a Marriage or Cremate It

When a marriage goes from honey I love you to honey you’ve got to go – it may be best to consider all options before chucking a once beautiful relationship. There probably was a time when your spouse was your confidant, you best friend, your defender and partner. So what happened that put you on the road to divorce?

                                          

Yeh, yeh it’s human nature to hurl the blame at your marriage partner. You’ve made a divorce list and checking it twice just to make sure you didn’t miss one little piddly diddly thing. You’re dead set on getting your freedom come hell or high water – after all you deserve a better life. 

So just for kicks let’s check out what you did to deserve this better life. When your spouse lost his or her job did you comfort them and give them a tad of encouragement or did you turn your back, because there was only one bread winner in the house now?

When your marriage partner needed a friend, were you there for them or did you look at him or her like they had two heads and say grow up, get a life? When your spouse wanted to spend the week end with you – did you opt to party with friends or have your parents come for a visit?

When your other half wanted to meet your for a luncheon date or catch a good movie with you – did you make it happen or just make excuses why you couldn’t spend time with them?

When your spouse bought you gift that you hated – how did you handle it?  When your spouse wanted to start going to Church, did you laugh and tell them it’s a waste of time?

It’s difficult times for families due to the recession – homes, jobs and hope has been lost. Did you let the tough external things that occur due to the recession ruin a once beautiful marriage?  Did you lose an awesome relationship, because you were swimming in your own sorrows and needed someone to blame? 

When was the last time you said, “honey I love you?  So often it’s the little things that are small red flags in the marriage, usually overlooked by one or both spouses. Judges have said that often neither spouse remembers what started the problems in their marriage – they just woke up one day with a stranger in their house.

No doubt there are many reasons why divorce is the best choice; there may be abuse in the marriage, a dysfunctional spouse, infidelity etc. and it may be time to move on…

But, when a marriage becomes fragmented because two people quit communicating and went their separate ways, it might be a good time to revisit all of the things that made your marriage beautiful and special. Marriage is like a roller coaster ride – it’s a mix of highs and lows. No one promised you a rose garden! 

Divorce isn’t a ‘get out of jail free card;” it is destructive to you, your spouse and the children. Families carry the scars of divorce for a lifetime.

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Three “D’s” of Divorce

Dress - Demeanor - Data

It’s your day in Court – first impression in the Courtroom is extremely important. Leave your anger, frustration and pity parties at the door – revisit them in the privacy of your home but never in front of the Judge. Remember your manners, speak softly make eye contact and put on a happy face. 

Does anyone really care what how you dress?  You can bet your bottom dollar that the Judge, your soon to be ex and his or her attorney are checking you out from head to toe. 

Men should wear dress slacks or a suit. Levis and a sloppy shirt hanging over your mid section just doesn’t fly in the Courtroom if you’re trying to make a good impression.  A nice hair cut adds a subtle touch and a soft pastel colored shirt makes a perfect picture. If possible cover all tattoos, remove any nose rings and for Pete’s sake leave the profanity at home.

Women should cover body parts, not having anything hanging out, over or flopping.  Dress like this is the most important day of your life, which it may well be if you come to court looking like a lady of the night. Pastels are a great choice, red is probably a little too bold and black may be a little to stern. Don’t come flaunting orange or purple hair and leave the “tiger claws” at home.

Keep your composure, don’t give way to frowns, muttering under your breath, shaking your head or pointing your fingers at anyone. If there are children, refer to them at all times saying, “our children,” not my children. Good rule of thumb until the divorce is final it’s good when being descriptive to say our home, our vehicles or our debts etc…

If your spouse has council and you’re a pro se litigant be prepared to be ripped, diced and sliced by his or her attorney. Do not act defensive or angry, smile and answer questions accurately and quietly. You’ve arrived at Court with a slew of “hot buttons” turn them off and don’t fall prey to lies, accusations or threats.

Before you head to Court, learn how to create a strong powerful case that tells your story based on facts and hard evidence. Learn how to eliminate the“he said, she said” testimony. Go to www.caseboss.com

Caseboss will help applicants for a year, no charge, no gimmicks - most of all you will have access to a great team who is available to answer questions and support you.

Have a Great Day

As Always,

Little Tboca



Chuck the “He Said, She Said” in Divorce Court

This is not a "Winning Case" 



It’s a proven fact that necessity is the “Mother of all inventions or ideas.”  Thomas Edison didn’t like to work by candle light so he invented the light bulb. Old Ben Franklin had problems with his eyesight so he put two lenses together known as bifocals. Steve Jobs was the founder and creator of “Apple.”  Where there’s a need – there’s usually a way to create a product or service that saves time, money and aggravation. 

Something many people don’t realize is divorce problems can show their ugly heads  years after a divorce is granted if there are children involved.  Picture the ex spouse sitting in your home, collecting alimony, child support and living high on the hog.  All that was left for you was 8 supervised visitation days per month with the children, horrendous legal bills and a broken heart. To make things worse, this person was a pro at manipulating the court system.

As the years passed, you became a frequent flyer in the courtroom – your ex wanted more money because you’d received a promotion, accused you of child molestation, accused you of stalking and the dirty list rambles on… Nothing went your way in the courtroom!

The ex defied the court’s rulings and pretty much got off free as a bird. This devious person refused to get counseling for your child, refused to help your child with homework. This shark spent all of their spare time thinking of ways to snatch more money from you, but one day everything changed.

You received full custody of the child, the ex had to pay their portion of all medical bills for the child, had to go for counseling and was ordered by the court to get a job (no more alimony payments.)  You’d been walking through “hell’ for 12 years, but a light bulb finally went off in your head and you did two things at this point: (1) Eliminated any “he said, she said” evidence, and (2) Created a powerful case for your next court visit.

This person who was beaten up by the judicial system is the boss at www.caseboss.com – the boss who really works for you.  This website will help those going through or contemplating divorce. The caseboss team has openings left for those who want to build a powerful divorce case for their day in court. No charges, no gimmicks or hidden agendas – you have free use of the site for 1 year and access to a team that will answer questions or offer assistance. This is not a legal site.

Until pro se litigants accept the responsibilities that accompany self representation, they will continue to leave the courtroom with head hung low feeling they had been ripped off and the whole world is against them. It’s not easy representing yourself – it takes an extensive amount of homework and energy on your part to prepare for your day in court. 

A story is just a story and everyone going to divorce court has a story to tell.  Be a good detective, take your story and turn it into a powerful divorce case backed with the cold hard facts, paid receipts, documents organized by subject, date and time.  www.caseboss.com  is just a mouse click away.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce – the Burden of Proof

When a divorce is contested by a spouse, usually the fight is on and battle has been declared. Whether you are flying solo and representing yourself as a pro se litigant or you have legal council there are some very important things to remember.

Preparing yourself for that brief visit in the Courtroom in front of the judge who is a total stranger who literally has your life in his or her hands requires time, energy and dedication.  

Just because you’ve hired legal council doesn’t insure a positive outcome in the courtroom. If you’re too busy to team up with your attorney, your day in court will probably be disastrous.

They can’t present a strong case without your assistance – they need organized data and specific information and this requires hours of input on your part.  Eliminating the “he said, she said” factor solidifies a trusting attorney/client relationship and increases the probability of having a winning divorce case. 

If you’re representing yourself as a pro se litigant you’d better plan on hours of sleepless nights as you prepare a powerful case. Ignorance of the judicial system or courtroom procedures is absolutely a non-winner; there’s no excuse for going to court with your pants down. 

Whether you have legal council or you’re a pro se litigant a winning divorce case depends on you and you alone. It’s unfair to blame your attorney if you haven’t responded timely to their requests. It’s unfair to blame the Judge if you haven’t arrived in court prepared.

In a nutshell the burden of proof rests on your shoulders. A judge makes his or her decisions based on information at hand – did you prepare your case like a good detective eliminating the hear say evidence and replacing it with hard facts that gives a judge the informational tools that he or she needs? 

A winning divorce case in the court of law isn’t an accident; it can only be attained by building a strong offense. It takes time, energy and even money sometimes to organize data and create specific reports by day, month or year. There is some great assistance out there for 100 people who are contemplating or in the process of divorce. 

Go to www.caseboss.com enter promo code and start today building a powerful divorce court for the judge. No hidden charges or unexpected surprises – it’s totally free to 40 applicants for one year.  Although they haven’t officially launched their site yet, they’re offering a hand up to 100 men or women. The team is anxious to assist you and will be happy to answer your questions.    

As Always,

Little Tboca



Marriage a Commitment – Divorce a Disability

Divorce to like an amputation. Sometimes it's necessary but it should be
avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.
Bill Doherty, DrBillDoherty.org

It’s not a mystery that divorce is now a common household word – about 1 out of 2 marriages fall by the wayside. Psychologist will give you their slant on why two people decide to part ways – they’ll say lack of communication, personal differences, religion, the children etc. It’s possible that “norm and technology” could be the culprits.

The “norm” changes almost as often as we change our underwear or brush our teeth. There was a time when the father was the breadwinner and the mother stayed at home running the household and raising the children. Both parents participated in mentoring, disciplining and loving their children.

But as the norm changed so did the family dynamics. Mothers ventured out into the real world looking for their pot of gold. They wanted a better education, a job and most of all they wanted to get out of the dependency pit; they wanted to fly on their own.

The family foundation suffered dramatically, father’s started losing their identity and the children lost their clout and were no longer a top priority. Father and mother were both working and someone else had to take the job of mentoring and raising the children. Teachers, daycare technicians, baby sitters and of course grandparents were assigned the role of parenting. 

About the same time, good parents jumped on the “Spock” bandwagon and set the children free, whatever that means. The family structure toppled and the children ran the household.  Love took on a new connotation – it was all about gifts, material things and freedom. 

The high tech society kicked in computers dominated the scene – the scuttlebutt on the street was that the computer age would free parents up, give them more time with their families. None of that happened! 

Fathers and mothers became unwilling victims of the high tech society that is still gobbling them up. Both parents are on a fast train to nowhere working longer hours, making less money and literally living separate lives. They become strangers in their own homes as marriage starts disintegrating. 

Could divorce be the result of a high tech society that has engulfed the daily lives of two people?  The norm for marriage has gone from love, honor and obey until death to an open ended contract without any parameters leaving the door wide open for divorce. 

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/Three-Major-Causes-Of-Divorce.htm

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same
person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."
Billy Graham

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com



Divorce Judges ALA Carte

Those going through divorce have a plateful, in fact it’s more like a tubful of do’s and don’ts.  If you’re going it alone (pro se,) here’s one more thought to fill your already cluttered mind. Do you know who your judge will be for your day in court?  Do you know how he or she controls the courtroom?  Don’t assume that just because you’re a good person – it will be smooth sailing in the courtroom. 

Are you going in front of a pussycat who wants both litigants to live happily ever after – if so he or she will probably slices the pie right down the middle. The pussy cat thinks it takes two to tango and strives to satisfy both parties.  He’s pleasant and provides a comfortable atmosphere in the courtroom – definitely not power driven!  

What if you find yourself in front of a legal eagle “owl” that follows family law statutes by the book?  He or she won’t budge and a pitty party may give the impression that you’re begging for mercy - that doesn’t sit well with the ole owl. Don’t take it personally, but he won’t budge and you’re about to have the family law book thrown at you.

Then again you may find yourself in front the no nonsense “tiger” and he or she pretty much considers the “he said, she said” testimony as crap and dives for the heart of the divorce.  Children are his or her priority and he’ll do whatever it takes to insure that the children get the best piece of the pie. He is well versed in family law and very capable of making tough decisions when necessary. This judge deserves a big thank you, because he’s honest, knowledgeable and the children are his priority.

No doubt there are a few family law judges who enjoy putting the squeeze on both parties. He or she basks in the power they possess in the courtroom - there won’t be any doubt in your mind that they are in control. Speak only when spoken to and don’t expect any favors.  Whatever you do don’t cross this person because he or she has your future in their hands!

 This article is based on personal experience and each judge has a name – cover your bet by preparing a powerful case for court and knowing your judge’s courtroom DNA. 

As Always,

Little Tboca  

www.caseboss.com

Code OWL963

Divorce - Proceed With Caution

As you’re surfing the Internet, you find a maize of divorce websites that offer “free” services for those contemplating or going through a divorce.  It’s human nature to go after the free stuff!  So often the “free” isn’t really free – be cautious and very selective when surfing for divorce assistance.

Divorce forms and information can be located at your State government website – this is a best policy because not all States honor the online divorce forms. Check out the websites that offer divorce support – take the time to find out their history and verify that their site does in fact offer good advice and support.

Here are a couple of divorce support sites that have an established online presence offering information on family law.  http://www.divorcesupport.com/

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/family_law.html

If you want legal advice, the safest bet is to get a consult with an attorney – usually there isn’t any charge for this service. Like any other profession there’s a few naughty attorneys out there just looking for the next “sucker,” but overall there’s a great bunch of divorce attorneys with stellar reputations.

Pro se litigants beware because the Net has a bunch of vultures out there just waiting to get in you pocketbook. Filing for divorce, filling out interrogatories, learning about the judicial system isn’t easy – don’t fall prey to the sites that promise you the perfect divorce wrapped up in a box with a pretty bow.  It’s the old adage, if it looks to good to be true then????

The American Bar Association says as much as eighty percent of the legal needs of the poor are left unmet.  Pro Se litigants are at a disadvantage due to lack of legal experience and knowledge. There’s no quick cure for this problem, but each State in our Union offers a variety of divorce venues that offer assistance to those going through a divorce.

Here is a new company preparing to launch that offers free assistance to those contemplating or going through a divorce. This company www.caseboss.com will help people for one year prepare a divorce case for their day in court. The service is entirely free – no hidden surprises or last minute charges. They have an outstanding team waiting to answer questions and give you assistance.  www.caseboss.com  .

The majority of pro se litigants don’t realize that the spouse who has taken the time to build a case will probably be the one walking out of the courtroom with a smile on his or her face.  Imagine going to court with a powerful case in hand – documents are organized by date, time and subject.  Financials, paid receipts, liabilities all neatly packaged and ready for your day in court.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce – Egg Cometh After the Chicken

Getting up one day and whacking your spouse with the news that you’ve filed for divorce may not be in your best interest.  If divorce looms on the horizon in the near future - here is a good rule of thumb to follow. Don’t let the egg come before the chicken!

It’s not wise to broadcast via Face Book, Twitter or other social media or share with your supposedly best friend that you hate your spouse and intend to pay him or her back. What you say out of anger or runaway emotions on a social venue may in fact affect a judge’s decision. 

It is critical to your future and the future of your children (if children involved) that you make rational well thought out decisions.  Usually it takes two to tango and both parties share responsibility for a marriage crash. If you feel all avenues have been exhausted for repairing the broken marriage, then go forward with Plan A and prepare for your day in court. 

Best idea at this time is to become a good detective – go back several years and gather up all documents that pertain to your assets. Start a journal and keep a daily log of money spent, children’s activities, medical bills, retirement funds and all paid receipts.  Now is the time to record any and all information that will be beneficial to you in court - record credit card bills, medical bills, bank statements etc. 

After doing this extensive homework it’s time to sit down and talk with your spouse.  Don’t let emotions or anger enter into this conversation – it’s a strong possibility that your spouse may want to end the marriage too and is open to a divorce by mutual agreement. This saves both parties the expense of legal counsel or arbitration. 

If on the other hand this turns into a free for all or nasty divorce you need to understand what it means to create a strong powerful case for your day in court. Your objective is to eliminate the “he said, she said” malarkey and replace it with the cold hard facts. 

There is a new company, not launched yet who has openings for those contemplating or going though divorce.  Go to www.caseboss.com   No secret charges or hidden costs involved – you’ll find a great team of people who will answer questions and assist you in your case building. 

As Always

Little Tboca



Big Thanks to “Blogger”

Thanks



The proof is in the pudding so to speak.  Very recently I started two divorce blogs, one on Blogger and a second one on --------.  Not being a computer geek, I can’t get into the nitty gritty and explain why Blogger outshines their competitor. 

Here’s what I know, Blogger is doing an outstanding job and I say this because my new blog on Blogger is hitting the airways, while the other blog is just sort of stashed in a closet doing absolutely nothing. 

Just wanted to give “Blogger” a big thumbs up and thanks for promoting my divorce blog at http://divorceden.blogspot.com   Using Blogger is a snap; it doesn’t take a computer tech to create a nice professional blog on Blogger. Their blog platform is user friendly and a delight to work with…

As Always,

Little Tboca



A Good Provider vs. Good Parent

It’s a proven fact that children’s love can’t be purchased – the bottom line is this children want your love, your mentoring and most of all your time. Presents, fancy clothes, expensive toys are actually a flimsy band aid that appears to be the perfect fix for children. Many parents substitute material things in place of unconditional love.

Are you a good provider or a good parent, actually many parents wear both hats?  But, inadvertently a good provider can be the trigger that ends up in divorce. He or she works 24/7 to provide a beautiful home, fancy clothes, expensive toys thinking they have done their duty for their spouse and their kids.

In fact, when divorce comes knocking they’re shocked, angry and on the fight – they feel they’ve been betrayed. They’ve been so busy providing over the years that they totally missed out on the God given blessing of parenting and strengthening their marriage.  To them money is the true measure of a successful spouse – they consider themselves a responsible partner and parent in the marriage.  If asked to rate themselves, they’re probably rating themselves somewhere between 8 and 10. 

When the spouse has filed for divorce the good provider feels they have been blind-sided and rejected. They don’t want a divorce and can’t understand why the spouse has turned on them.  They’ve worked 24/7 providing for the family only to be shunned or abandoned and without a doubt they’ve given their family the best of the best when it comes to a roof over their heads, fancy clothes, great schools and lavish gifts.

But a successful provider isn’t always considered a good parent or marriage partner because they haven’t had time to participate with spouse and children.  They’ve been to busy making money to hang out with the spouse and kids. Although they wanted to attend their children’s school or sports activities, their just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

So are you a good provider, but not a good parent?  Being a provider and good parent takes skill and the art of prioritizing.  It’s a balance that is difficult to achieve, but achievable. 

Your children and spouse need your time, your love and most of all your interaction with them as a family. The kids want to see you sitting on the bleachers watching them play a game or going with them fishing or on a picnic. The spouse deserves a date now and some free time just with you.

So before divorce reaches your doorstep, take a step back and evaluate yourself.  Have you carved out time for your family during your busy day?  Do you spend time hanging out with your kids, talking to them, playing games with them and mentoring them?  A great way to evaluate yourself is this; (1) Has your marriage grown stronger over the years, (2) Do you spend time with your children or just supply them with material things, and (3) Can you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because you’re a good provider and a great parent? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

But, What Happens to the Children

Divorce is a get out of jail free card in 2013.  If the marriage hits a few bumps in the road, no problem just get a divorce and live happily ever after.  Divorce has become a way of life – it’s accepted in our society not because it’s the right thing, but because it is now the norm.  In America, there is one divorce every 13 seconds. That’s 6,646 divorces per day, and 46,523 divorce per week.

Possibly dad and mom need to sit down and have a little meeting of the minds before deciding to bring children into their marriage. If the marriage is already on a shaky foundation, little angels from heaven aren’t going to be the glue needed to save the marriage. Children are our most precious gifts and blessing and yet they are the ones who take the hit from a divorce.

In 2013 marriage is one of those feel good things; it’s no longer about a commitment by two people to love, cherish, honor and cherish till death do us part. In this generation you can go out and buy marriage just like you would a new car and at any given time you can trade your spouse in for a new model.  But, what about the children?  Picture the family after divorce. 

The divorce is over parents have joint custody of the children. Dad and mom are adjusting to their new freedoms and single lifestyle, but not the children. Something is wrong with this scenario, because all is not well with the children.

Susie and Johnny literally live out of a suitcase; they’re frequent travelers from one parent’s home to the other without their security blanket. Do doubt dad and mom believe they’re giving the children the best two worlds, but no one bothered to ask the children.

50% of all North-American children will witness the divorce of their parents. Almost half of them will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage. (Furstenberg and others -Life Course-)

Statistics on children after divorce show that the little ones are truly the ones that suffer emotionally and physically.  http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-divorce-statistics.html

There are no easy solutions to this dilemma.  Parents make fairly quick adjustments after divorce and the children suffer for years sometimes their entire life.  There’s definitely something wrong with this picture. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Fairytale Divorce

Often times the picture perfect marriage where two people vow to love, care for and honor till death do they part falls apart at the seams. What appeared to be a perfect union between a man and women has disintegrated over the years and it seems that the marriage is fractured beyond repair.

Neither one is pointing a finger or blaming their spouse; they just wake up one morning and realize that the once powerful relationship no longer exists.  

They both agree that it’s time to go their separate ways. No need to hire legal council, after all they’re intelligent adults and both are willing to sit down and complete the necessary paperwork to end their marriage. 

They will divide up assets, retirement and financial obligations insuring that neither one will suffer needlessly. This is a fairytale divorce without hero or heroine – no villain and no magical being to come to the aid of the hero.

This type of divorce which definitely works for some is called a non-contested or mutual divorce. Both parties agree on division of property, assets and financial obligations.  If children are involved, usually both parents want to share custody so joint custody is agreed upon. 

But what happens when neither spouse can agree on division of property, assets, financial obligations and child custody. Oftentimes one spouse hires a high powered attorney to represent them while the other opts to be a pro se litigant. Unless the pro se litigant is prepared to do an extensive amount of homework and preparation odds are against them. 

Due to their lack of judicial knowledge and courtroom procedure they’re at the mercy of the spouse who has legal council. One has a case to present to the Judge and the other has a story laced with “he said, she said” testimony. Although many judges have empathy for the pro se litigant, their hands are tied and they must make determinations on information at hand.

The American Bar Association and many judges say, “Pro Se litigants often lose more then they should when representing themselves,” because the pro se litigant doesn’t know how to prepare his or her case based on hard facts. There are many workshops and self help information venues for the pro se litigants, but few take advantage of this type of support. 

An Arizona company not yet launched is extending a hand up to  pro se litigants for a year without any charges or hidden surprises.  Go to www.caseboss.com

Their team is waiting to assist you and answer your questions while you learn to prepare a powerful case for your day in court.

1. Judges have little patience with pro se litigants or legal counsel who comes to Court unprepared.

2.  Judges have a small window of time and make final decisions based on verified information presented to them.

3.  Judges are in control of your future – decisions are made on hard facts and not “he said, she said” information. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Remember the Children

When divorce knocks at the door often times the father and mother are preoccupied in their individual missions that they forget the children. One spouse is high tailing it out of Dodge because selfishly they consider “divorce” a lifeline and a pathway to freedom.  The other spouse sees no freedom in sight; they see their world as they once knew it going up in smoke.

Notice that neither parent thought of the children first – they were too busy arming themselves and preparing for battle.  This has nothing to do with their love for their children – most parents love their children unconditionally.  It’s all about priorities sort of like which comes first the chicken or the egg. 

They both feel that they’re in a sink or swim mode and their first instinct is to save themselves and deal with the children later.  During this survival instinct one or both decide to use the children as pawns. They degrade each other in front of the children and try to get the children to take sides. 

How evil, these little angels are just left there dangling without an advocate in their corner.  Sometimes dad or mom are so infatuated with their new playmate there isn’t any time to hang out with their kids.

The other spouse is on a never ending roller coaster ride of emotions, anger - they’re obsessed with the desire to cremate their once loving soul mate leaving them unfit to be around the children.

So what about the kids, who really cares about the kids?  Shouldn’t the kids be the first priority when divorce is on the horizon?  There are judges out there who are children’s advocates and they do everything in their power to protect the children.

One of these judges is a great lady (Judge Ann Kass) from New Mexico and she believes the courts should give more weight to the children’s rights than the rights of the parents.

Honorable Judge Ann Kass decided to include a “nesting” plan for some extremely out of control parents.  Nesting is when the children remain in their home and the parents with suitcase in hand take turns moving in and out of the children’s home.

This was Judge Ann Kass’s way of leveling the playing field where neither parent would have total control.  The parents experienced what the children will be going thru as they are shuffled back and forth with suitcase in hand.

“Nesting” seems rather extreme, but it encourages parents to put their children at the top of their priority list.  Divorce is a home wrecker and children are pretty much at the mercy of the parents unless the judge intervenes. 

Before jumping into a divorce, take time to think about your children’s welfare physically and emotionally. There’s no cut and dried solution when there’s a divorce with children. 

A few things that will ease the pain of divorce for your children is: (1) Both parents need to communicate a message to their children that they are loved, (2) Never make the children choose sides – don’t use them as pawns, (3) Both parents should do whatever it takes to help the children thru the confusing transitions created by divorce, and (4) Sit down with the children and assure them that the divorce isn’t their fault.

It’s a proven fact that children want your time, your love and the security you can offer them, not lavish gifts or expensive toys. 

Love Can’t Be Purchased – it’s a God given commodity that your children deserve!

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce - Children & Nesting

Don't Forget the Children



When divorce knocks at the door often times the father and mother are preoccupied in their individual missions that they forget the children. One spouse is high tailing it out of Dodge because selfishly they consider “divorce” a lifeline and a pathway to freedom.  The other spouse sees no freedom in sight; they see their world as they once knew it going up in smoke.

Notice that neither parent thought of the children first – they were too busy arming themselves and preparing for battle.  This has nothing to do with their love for their children – most parents love their children unconditionally.  It’s all about priorities sort of like which comes first the chicken or the egg. 

They both feel that they’re in a sink or swim mode and their first instinct is to save themselves and deal with the children later.  During this survival instinct one or both decide to use the children as pawns. They degrade each other in front of the children and try to get the children to take sides. 

How evil, these little angels are just left there dangling without an advocate in their corner.  Sometimes dad or mom are so infatuated with their new playmate there isn’t any time to hang out with their kids.

The other spouse is on a never ending roller coaster ride of emotions, anger - they’re obsessed with the desire to cremate their once loving soul mate leaving them unfit to be around the children.

So what about the kids, who really cares about the kids?  Shouldn’t the kids be the first priority when divorce is on the horizon?  There are judges out there who are children’s advocates and they do everything in their power to protect the children.

One of these judges is a great lady (Judge Ann Kass) from New Mexico and she believes the courts should give more weight to the children’s rights than the rights of the parents.

Honorable Judge Ann Kass decided to include a “nesting” plan for some extremely out of control parents.  Nesting is when the children remain in their home and the parents with suitcase in hand take turns moving in and out of the children’s home.

This was Judge Ann Kass’s way of leveling the playing field where neither parent would have total control.  The parents experienced what the children will be going thru as they are shuffled back and forth with suitcase in hand.

“Nesting” seems rather extreme, but it encourages parents to put their children at the top of their priority list.  Divorce is a home wrecker and children are pretty much at the mercy of the parents unless the judge intervenes. 

Before jumping into a divorce, take time to think about your children’s welfare physically and emotionally. There’s no cut and dried solution when there’s a divorce with children. 

A few things that will ease the pain of divorce for your children is: (1) Both parents need to communicate a message to their children that they are loved, (2) Never make the children choose sides – don’t use them as pawns, (3) Both parents should do whatever it takes to help the children thru the confusing transitions created by divorce, and (4) Sit down with the children and assure them that the divorce isn’t their fault.

It’s a proven fact that children want your time, your love and the security you can offer them, not lavish gifts or expensive toys. 

Love Can’t Be Purchased – it’s a God given commodity that your children deserve!

As Always,

Little Tboca