Divorce - Is There a Real Need for a Trial

Here's a bit of information from a Scottsdale, Az divorce attorney that affirms how many attorneys truly are interested in assisting divorce litigants.

I receive weekly emails from Scott which offer a hand up to those contemplating divorce.

Hello again,

We've covered a lot of territory together since you started this eDivorce Course several weeks ago. You're doing a great job of working through these materials, of building a solid foundation for your divorce education.

Today, I want to talk with you about the importance of making every effort to settle your case. Lots of couples are able to go through the divorce process without the need for trial; it's quite likely that you can avoid a trial as well. That's why I encourage you to work through as many agreements as you can with your spouse, and start negotiating early.

Before we begin, take a moment to review the following article:

10 Ways Settlements Help

Ready? Here's a list of five settlement principles to keep in mind when your divorce negotiations begin in earnest:  

1. Only you and your spouse (not the judge) are capable of creating a separation agreement with terms that work for you both, given your personal goals and unique circumstances.

2. When unresolved disputes are litigated at trial, the judge may render a decision in favor of a party who really doesn't deserve it.

3. Divorces are intensely personal. Any issue that is not settled will be decided by the judge, a decision-maker who does not know you or your family beyond the pleadings and relevant evidence.

4. Trials take a long time and are expensive to litigate. If you (or your spouse) don't like the result, you can appeal the judge's decision. But appeals cost money, too.  

5. No matter how prepared you are for trial, you could lose on the issues that are most important to you.

When you're frustrated with the pace of settlement negotiations, take a step back and reflect on these five principals. If there's any chance that lingering issues of custody, family support, or the division of property can be negotiated or mediated, then give settlement another try.

Sincerely,

Scott David Stewart
Attorney

www.sdsfamilylaw.com

www.caseboss.com

As Always,

Little Tboca 

Temporary Divorce Hearing

www.caseboss.com

If at the time of the temporary divorce hearing you are granted temporary custody of the children, child support, alimony and granted the right to live in the marital home until the divorce is final, remember the word “temporary.” 

 Don’t traipse out of divorce court thinking you’re about to slam dunk your spouse, because the family law judge granted you temporary custody of the children.

How you behave and handle the temporary orders will affect the judge’s final decision. Buyer beware - these orders by the divorce judge aren’t indicative of his or her final decision in court. Usually a divorce attorney will discuss temporary custody - the orders are for a limited amount of time only. 

If you become over zealous and get in a pay back mode, your king or queen for a day mode will come crashing down.  Don’t take unfair advantage of your spouse by running up excessive credit card charges, or neglecting your responsibilities in maintaining the marital residence.  Family law judges will take your behavior into consideration when granting a divorce.

Denying your spouse visitation rights won’t just get your fingers burnt – it may be the reason the judge changes the custody orders.  You should encourage visitation rights with your spouse and definitely shouldn’t use the children as pawns to punish the other parent.

This is a time when you better take a deep breath and follow the temporary orders granted to you – ditch the anger and emotion. The judge didn’t give you a free pass to be abusive of your spouse.  

Don’t get on the social media and brag about the judge’s orders. Don’t assume that you’re home free – your day in court hasn’t arrived yet and what you do or say will be held against you.

Temporary means during the interim, nothing is etched in concrete. A family law judge will decide what is in the “best interest” of the children and if you’ve acted like a knuckle head during this time, there’s a strong probability that you will walk out of court very displeased with the judge’s final orders.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce Without a Parenting Plan is Disastrous

Do it yourself divorce can become very complicated if there are children involved. Here’s one more thing on your plate that is something both parents need to create before arriving in divorce court.

When contemplating divorce, possibly one of the first issues to consider is a parenting plan. Do you have a parenting plan or are you just going to slide into divorce court hoping all decisions by the family law judge will be in your favor.

Without a parenting plant the family law judge is left to clean up the parenting mess, because parents can’t reach an agreement. Child custody is a critical issue of divorce and without a doubt one of the most contentious matters in the family law court.

The family law judge makes decision based on the “best interest” of the children. If both parents can lay aside the marital disagreements briefly and work together creating a parenting plan that specifically supports the child or children emotionally and physically it can be a win win situation for parents and children.

If one parent is seeking sole custody of the children, he or she must provide evidence or information showing the other parent as unfit. Sole custody is often granted if one spouse has a criminal history, abusive or addicted to drugs or alcohol. Sole custody is granted at times, but not without substantial proof that one parent hasn’t been involved in parenting or is incapable due to personal issues to be a substantial parent.   

If one parent is granted sole legal custody they make decisions about education, health and well being of the child or children and can make decisions about the faith environment they will be raised in…

Joint custody is just what it sounds like, both parents work together making decision in the best interest of their children. Physical custody refers to the amount of time each parent has with the children – most parents can create a feasible plan including the handling of holidays, summer vacation and time spent with each parent. 

Bottom line is this, if father and mother can’t agree on the custody issues, the Judge must intervene and decide custody based on the “best interest” of the children. 

Divorce is super charged with emotion, anger and often times the intense desire of one or both spouses to punish each other. Parents should attempt to be rational about custody of the children and present a parenting plan to the judge that is in the “best interest” of the children.  Without a parenting plan both parties are at the mercy of the court and the judge will be the final decision maker. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Dislike Attorneys - Representing Self

www.caseboss.com

You’ve made a decision to represent yourself (Pro se) in divorce court. The decision was due to finances, your intense dislike of attorneys or your perception that you are the best person available to represent yourself in divorce court. Statistics show that pro se divorce is the new fad – so it’s your turn to prepare for your day in court.

Statistics also show that a large percentage of pro se litigants leave the courtroom with their bucket half empty. They assumed that because they were representing themselves everyone and his brother would offer a helping hand – wrong, judges don’t have the time to take you by the hand and the court staff isn’t allowed to offer legal advice.

Pro se litigants want their cake and want to eat it too – they don’t want to pay for legal counsel, they don’t want to learn family law rules and procedures and they darn sure aren’t going to take time to attend divorce seminars and workshops that are offered through our judicial system. 

The pro se litigant is flying by the seat of his or her pants and most likely will suffer an unmerciful beating in court – the American Bar Association and over 1200 judges that were interviewed say the pro se litigants lose more than they should in divorce court.

No doubt it makes one feel better if they can blame someone for their shortcomings, but the bottom-line is this – it isn’t the judge’s fault, or the fault of your ex’s legal counsel, nor the judicial system. You didn’t do your homework or prepare a solid case for your day in court.

This information comes from the American Bar Association, “Not knowing the legal requirements or procedural rules, omitting important signatures, not following Court schedule, missing deadlines are but a few of the problems that Pro Se litigants experience.” 

A few other problems that weaken your divorce case is not knowing the Statute of Limitations in your State, not knowing how to fill out interrogatories, not knowing how to serve papers legally on your spouse and the pre-conceived idea that everyone owes you a handout.

Divorce is tough, one day in court and a small window of time to present your case to a family law judge. Don’t end up in divorce court with a bunch of lose papers, receipts and sticky notes – build a case that is airtight and strive for a favorable decision from the judge.  Go to www.caseboss.com – there isn’t any charge and you have a great team at your fingertips to answer questions and guide people for 1 year.

Quit shuffling thru papers, learn how to organize documents by day, time and subject – learn how to create specific reports, tag information and prepare a strong case.  

As Always,
Little Tboca

Don't P--s Off a Divorce Judge

Divorce judges are human, have feelings and need a little coddling now and then.  They don’t like their courtroom in disarray with spouses acting like hyenas in for the kill.  Nor do they like litigants who come to court expecting a “pitty party.” 

The judge has a very small window of time to hear your divorce and make his or her decision. Without realizing it, what you do and how you act in court impacts your case. 

For the women, if you’re dressed like a hooker don’t expect any special favors from the judge, this is especially true if there are children involved.  In fact you’ve already shown disrespect for the judge in his or her courtroom.

Same things goes for the men, arriving in court dressed like Fred Flintstone, looking like you’ve just crawled out of bed probably will get you a couple of bad dings before divorce proceedings start.

The judge is very perceptive and your body language can be extremely disruptive if you’re shaking your head, pointing your finger or shooting daggers at your soon to be ex.  The judge has a job to do - speak when spoken to and don’t turn the courtroom into a backyard brawl.

The fact that two people are appearing before a divorce judge probably means that the divorce is contested and very little is agreed upon – so do yourself a favor and follow the family law rules courtroom etiquette.   

The judge has your future in his or her hands. What does coddling the judge mean? It merely means that one should act respectful and behave appropriately in his or hers courtroom.  Your demeanor and actions in court will affect the judge’s final decision.

Refer to the judge as “your honor” not Judge Wilson, talk to the judge not to the soon to be ex or his or her attorney.  Give special attention to your attire and body language.  Never argue with the judge – present a strong case in court with verified proof of bills you have paid, parenting of the children including time spent with children, additional expenses since filing for divorce etc… 

When speaking to the judge, always include the spouse saying our children, our liabilities, our assets and our relationship. Give the judge the necessary tools to grant you a favorable decision – leave emotions out of the courtroom.  Stay on task – your job is to get a favorable decision from the judge.  Don’t play Russian roulette in the courtroom!

As Always,

Little Tboca     

www.caseboss.com

There Are Other Options - Divorce

When divorce is looming on the horizon often times it seems to be the only relieve for both parties involved in the marriage. 

Husband and wife wake up one day believing the grass is greener if they could just release themselves from this failing relationship.  Neither one is going to budge or change their minds.  So often only one party wants a divorce and they feel deceived and very abused. 

When abuse, adulterous relationship and addiction aren’t present the question arises – what has caused this beautiful marital relationship to fray?  It takes two to tango and it takes two people working together to make a marriage work. 

When anger and emotions dictate actions of people, the end results are at  times disastrous.  Decisions made during extreme stress can actually dictate one’s future and it’s not always positive or good.  Family law judges say most times neither party can remember what started this ugly pathway to divorce. 

If and this is a big “IF” both parties can find some common ground and start communicating again, there are several options out there that might save the marriage.  Both parties must want to save the marriage or it’s pretty much already headed too far south and beyond saving.

Court ordered legal separation is a great option for those not wanting to see their marriage dissolved.  Both parties must continue being responsible and accept the obligations that accompany a union or marriage.  The couples want marital assets, child custody and child support clarified and yet neither party wants a divorce. 

 Sometimes religion or taxes are the reasons that they agree on a legal separation, other times it gives them a cooling off period to live separately without their partner.

During this separation period some couples are considering reconciliation, counseling and some third party assistance that will help them put their marriage back together.  At other times, neither party wants to be reunited with their spouse – they just want to be legally separated without being divorced from their spouse.

Divorce is devastating when children are involved and there are other options available to husband and wife if they actually consider the “best interest” of the children. 

Remember way back when there were many valid reasons that you married this person – don’t let anger or outside elements like the recession ruin what was once a perfect marriage.  The extreme stress due to this Nation’s economic problems, Obamacare and overall a very dysfunctional Government tests a beautiful marital relationship. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

 

www.caseboss.com

Divorce Attorney Talks About Reconciliation

It's too bad that many have such a distaste for divorce attorneys - there are so many great professional men and women who actually want to help one make the best choices.

Here's an email that I recently received from an attorney in Arizona. Reconciliation certainly is an option if husband and wife are interested in saving their marriage.

Are you wondering what happens if you or your spouse wants to try reconciling differences to stay married?  

We encourage clients to consider marriage counseling and mediation before committing to divorce. But I don't want to create doubt for you in your decision-making process, nor do I want to create false expectations about the possibilities of reconciliation. Having said that, there are three things you should know. 

First. When one spouse files for divorce while the other spouse desires to remain married, the dissolution process continues. Depending upon your perspective, that may be overly harsh or a relief. But so long as one spouse believes the marriage is irretrievably broken, the divorce proceeds in family court.

Second. There is a mandatory 60-day cooling off period before the family law judge can issue a final divorce decree.

Third. Should you and your spouse agree to meet with a private marriage counselor, there are many qualified, licensed professionals throughout the state. Also, marital counseling is available through the Family Court's conciliation services. This service is available to couples who are contemplating divorce or already in the process of divorce. When the divorce is pending, conciliation counseling can temporarily suspend the process for up to two months while the couple tries to reconcile.

Here are two important articles about marriage counseling:

1. Counseling for Couples in Distress

2. Resolving Differences and Avoiding Divorce

Remember Alyssa? She went through counseling on her own, then she and her husband tried counseling together. Although they did divorce, both benefited from their counseling sessions.

If you think counseling could help save your marriage, then talk with your trusted advisor to schedule that first session. Need a referral? Call us anytime to request a list of marriage counselors in your area.

Sincerely,

Scott David Stewart
Attorney

www.sdsfamilylaw.com 

As Always,

Little Tboca                  

www.caseboss.com

The Road Blocks for Divorce

Divorce litigants are facing extreme almost insurmountable roadblocks in 2013.  For those contemplating divorce it’s important to understand what lies ahead.  Judges have a backlog of divorce cases and their courtrooms are clogged due to the fact so many litigants are trying to represent themselves in the divorce courtroom. 

Each year courts are facing financial pains – their funding continues to be slashed, staff must be reduced or furloughed and some courts are closing their doors or adjusting hours.  Along with the financial problems, courts have been clobbered with pro se litigation.  People are trying to save money via self representation and/or they believe they have the ability to master the family law divorce laws and follow courtroom etiquette and procedures. 

Clogging in the courtroom comes from a variety of errors made by pro se litigants.  Many are not taking the time to file correctly for divorce following the Statute of Limitations.  Many don’t know how to fill out or take the time to answer interrogatories, ask for temporary orders or even complete divorce forms correctly.

Signatures are missing, papers not served on spouse timely; consequently pro se litigants may have their case dismissed or walk out of the courtroom with an unfavorable judgment.   

Many pro se litigants fail to prepare their case correctly or just assume that they will sit down and have a friendly little chat with the judge and a case isn’t really necessary.  Pro se litigation is becoming an epidemic that is heading south by the day. 

By law you have a right to represent yourself, but by law you also have a responsibility to study family law and learn how to prepare a favorable case for your day in court.  Court staff can’t give you legal support, no one is standing around to pick up the pieces for you – self representation requires hours of study and homework. A low percentage of pro se divorce cases have a favorable outcome. Pro se litigants can’t keep blaming the attorneys, judges, court staff or the system for their failures.

Here is one solution for divorce litigants – www.caseboss.com  This is a company getting ready to launch that is offering free assistance for one year to a few litigants who want to build a powerful divorce case for their day in court.

Their team will respond quickly to your inquiries or questions – but the bottom line is this: (1) No one cares as much about your case as you do, (2) You have taken on the job of legal counsel, and (3) There’s no easy way to win a divorce case in court.

As Always,                            

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorce - Courtrooms are Clogged

Divorce litigants are facing extreme almost insurmountable roadblocks in 2013.  Before filing for divorce it’s important to understand what lies ahead.  Judges have a backlog of divorce cases and their courtrooms are clogged due to the fact so many litigants are trying to represent themselves in the courtroom. 

Each year courts are facing financial pains – their funding continues to be slashed, staff must be reduced or furloughed and some courts are closing their doors or adjusting hours.  Along with the financial problems, courts have been clobbered with pro se litigation.  People are trying to save money via self representation and/or they believe they have the ability to master the family law divorce laws and follow courtroom etiquette and procedures. 

Clogging in the courtroom comes from a variety of errors made by pro se litigants.  Many are not taking the time to file correctly for divorce following the Statute of Limitations.  Many don’t know how to fill out or take the time to answer interrogatories, ask for temporary orders or even complete divorce forms correctly.

Signatures are missing, papers not served on spouse timely; consequently pro se litigants may have their case dismissed or walk out of the courtroom with an unfavorable judgment.   

Many pro se litigants fail to prepare their case correctly or just assume that they will sit down and have a friendly little chat with the judge and a case isn’t really necessary.  Pro se litigation is becoming an epidemic that is heading south by the day. 

By law you have a right to represent yourself, but by law you also have a responsibility to study family law and learn how to prepare a favorable case for your day in court.  Court staff can’t give you legal support, no one is standing around to pick up the pieces for you – self representation requires hours of study and homework. A low percentage of pro se divorce cases have a favorable outcome. Pro se litigants can’t keep blaming the attorneys, judges, court staff or the system for their failures.

Here is one solution for divorce litigants that might help  – www.caseboss.com  This is a company getting ready to launch that is offering free assistance for one year to a few litigants who want to build a powerful divorce case for their day in court.

Their team will respond quickly to your inquiries or questions – but the bottom line is this: (1) No one cares as much about your case as you do, (2) You have taken on the job of legal counsel, and (3) There’s no easy way to win a divorce case in court.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce - Beware New Tax Laws 2013

Women contemplating or going through divorce may want to talk with a tax consultant, because the bill (ATRA) American Taxpayer Relief Act passed by Congress on January 1, 2013 isn’t exactly a bill that is going to benefit those going through divorce. 

Although this bill was presented in a manner that was specifically for the middle class to prevent or stop federal tax increases, as usual one needs to read the fine print.  What you see isn’t always what you get!

This is merely an FYI type of article that will highlight some of the obvious changes that men and women need to know – the ATRA bill will affect alimony payments. 

Some say lump sum alimony may be a wise route to take if you are good at managing your money.  Although normal alimony payments may fluctuate over the years depending on many variables, the lump sum is a one - time payment never to be visited again.

A lump sum or one-time payment instead of alimony allows one to by-pass paying taxes because the lump sum payments are not taxable.  The payee will find that paying the lump sum isn’t a deductible so it’s best to figure out how alimony payments will be negotiated prior to the divorce.  When alimony is a tax problem - before the divorce is the time to get a new balance between child support and alimony.  Child support is not considered taxable income yet for the one paying support it isn’t a deductible expense. 

It seems that alimony payments will be considered taxable income at this time.  There are ways of maneuvering around this law, but only a divorce tax consultant will be able to explain the necessary steps.   

Another important area to investigate before filing for divorce is the division of marital assets – the new ATRA law may affect you because the new law has a 3.8% surtax on capital gains.  

So if you fall in the new tax bracket it will save you time and probably money to have a consult with a good tax attorney. So many new changes in the tax laws – this is just one more thing to pile on your plate if you’re contemplating divorce.  Also, remember that many states are revising the old grandfather alimony laws and many states have put a stop to the lifetime alimony clauses. 

Maybe in the long run it would be best to confer with a financial advisor who specializes in divorce, taxes and division of marital assets. A great website that goes into depth about the new tax laws is http://www.BedrockDivorce.com  

As Always,                                                

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Flying Solo - Divorce

When a divorce is contested by a spouse, usually the fight is on and battle has been declared. Whether you are flying solo and representing yourself as a pro se litigant or you have legal council there are some very important things to remember.

Preparing yourself for that brief visit in the Courtroom in front of the divorce judge who is a total stranger who literally has your life in his or her hands requires time, energy and dedication.  

Just because you’ve hired legal council doesn’t insure a positive outcome in the courtroom. If you’re too busy to team up with your attorney, your day in court will probably be disastrous.

They can’t present a strong case without your assistance – they need organized data and specific information and this requires hours of input on your part.  Eliminating the “he said, she said” factor solidifies a trusting attorney/client relationship and increases the probability of having a winning divorce case. 

If you’re representing yourself as a pro se litigant you’d better plan on hours of sleepless nights as you prepare a powerful case. Ignorance of the judicial system or courtroom procedures is absolutely a non-winner; there’s no excuse for going to court with your pants down. 

Whether you have legal council or you’re a pro se litigant a winning divorce case depends on you and you alone. It’s unfair to blame your attorney if you haven’t responded timely to their requests. It’s unfair to blame the judge if you haven’t arrived in court prepared.

In a nutshell the burden of proof rests on your shoulders. A judge makes his or her decisions based on information at hand – did you prepare your case like a good detective eliminating the hear say evidence and replacing it with hard facts that gives a judge the informational tools that he or she needs? 

A winning divorce case in the court of law isn’t an accident; it can only be attained by building a strong offense. It takes time, energy and even money sometimes to organize data and create specific reports by day, month or year. There is some great assistance out there for people who are contemplating or in the process of divorce. 

Go to www.caseboss.com and start today building a powerful divorce court for the judge. No hidden charges or unexpected surprises – it’s totally free for one year.  Although they haven’t officially launched their site yet, they’re offering a hand up to men or women. The team is anxious to assist you and will be happy to answer your questions.    

As Always,

Little Tboca



Collaborative Divorce vs. Courtroom Divorce

If neither party can agree upon child custody, division of marital assets – the family law judge will follow the divorce guidelines of his or her State, which means both parties will have to give and take.
The divorce “pie” will be divided up between both parties.

But, when both parties are willing to work together and come to reasonable conclusions it’s a win win for them and the children.

Collaborative divorce is a positive alternative that prevents the parties from being exposed to the courtroom; it allows a couple to resolve the tough decisions together.  Both parties must be willing to follow the family laws of their State.

Collaborative divorce may be a much better option  ,because it will save them money, emotional trauma and alleviate the courtroom drama.  Both parties hire an attorney whose job is to act as referee and adviser while decisions are being made.

The attorneys will make sure everyone plays by the divorce laws in their state – in other words they not only look out for their client they insure that all decisions by both parties are legal.

One attorney can’t represent both parties – each party has their own attorney who is well versed in collaborative divorces. At times the attorneys will call on third party consultants to establish actual value of marital assets, financial experts or psychologists. The best interest off the children is a huge issue and the attorneys will serve as liaisons for the children trying to get the couple to work out child custody, who lives in the marital home etc…

The mail goal of the collaborate attorneys is to guide the couple on fair and reasonable solutions.  The attorney’s job is to make sure that decisions made are legal, fair and equitable for both parties. If at some time, the couples hit a snag and can’t agree on the main issues than the attorneys will step down.  Divorce is an extremely contentious subject and at times the couple hit a snag and refuse to collaborate. 

If this happens, divorce court is the next option on the horizon – remember the divorce judge will follow the same family laws that the collaborative attorneys did.  He or she will hand down the final decision based on the factual information given to them. 

Collaborative divorce is becoming popular saving both parties money and undue stress – many couples are finding this a great way to make the tough decisions without ending up in divorce court. 

As Always,    

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Is Divorce Really Free?

As you’re surfing the Internet, you find a maize of divorce websites that offer “free” services for those contemplating or going through a divorce.  It’s human nature to go after the free stuff!  So often the “free” isn’t really free – be cautious and very selective when surfing for divorce assistance.

Divorce forms and information can be located at your State government website – this is a best policy because not all States honor the online divorce forms. Check out the websites that offer divorce support – take the time to find out their history and verify that their site does in fact offer good advice and support.

Here are a couple of divorce support sites that have an established online presence offering information on family law.  http://www.divorcesupport.com/

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/family_law.html

If you want legal advice, the safest bet is to get a consult with an attorney – usually there isn’t any charge for this service. Like any other profession there’s a few naughty attorneys out there just looking for the next “sucker,” but overall there’s a great bunch of divorce attorneys with stellar reputations.

Pro se litigants beware because the Net has a bunch of vultures out there just waiting to get in you pocketbook. Filing for divorce, filling out interrogatories, learning about the judicial system isn’t easy – don’t fall prey to the sites that promise you the perfect divorce wrapped up in a box with a pretty bow.  It’s the old adage, if it looks to good to be true then????

The American Bar Association says as much as eighty percent of the legal needs of the poor are left unmet.  Pro Se litigants are at a disadvantage due to lack of legal experience and knowledge. There’s no quick cure for this problem, but each State in our Union has a variety of divorce venues that offer assistance to those going through a divorce.

Here is a new company preparing to launch that offers free assistance to those contemplating or going through a divorce. This company www.caseboss.com will help those contemplating or going through divorce for one year prepare a divorce case for their day in court. The service is entirely free – no hidden surprises or last minute charges. They have an outstanding team waiting to answer questions and give you assistance.

The majority of pro se litigants don’t realize that the spouse who has taken the time to build a case will probably be the one walking out of the courtroom with a smile on his or her face.  Imagine going to court with a powerful case in hand – documents are organized by date, time and subject.  Financials, paid receipts, liabilities all neatly packaged and ready for your day in court.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Adulterous Relationship and Divorce

Is infidelity in a marriage taken into consideration by a family law judge?  If you’re in a no fault state, it probably isn’t going to be a deciding factor in your divorce. Infidelity will cause problems when the cheater tries to get their spouse to agree on a tentative settlement. It is only human nature to fight back when one feels betrayed or rejected; it’s the one trump card that the jilted spouse holds and it’s an extremely powerful card.

At this point, the spouse no longer feels an inner need to be fair, whatever that may mean.  He or she turns into a banker, accountant, a strategist and what might have been a mutual divorce turns into the wreck of the century. What about the children, who’s is watching out for the children? Two outstanding attorneys always put the children first in their courtroom – neither judge approved of an intimate relationship during the divorce. 

Katherine Eisold Miller is a prominent Collaborative Lawyer and family mediator is now a public educator helping husband and wives choose the best way when divorce is eminent. 

Katherine feels the children should be the priority and encourages parents to make best choices for the children’s sake. She feels an adulteress relationship has very little impact in a no fault state. But, in those states that take fault into consideration the division of property, alimony, child support can be seriously affected.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Katherine%20Eisold%20Miller/

A family law judge (Judge Ann Kass,) from New Mexico always put the children first. She had zero tolerance for those intimately involved in a relationship before the divorce is final. 

http://www.divorcepeers.com/dating-during-divorce.htm

Although New Mexico is a no-fault state, Judge Ann Kass always put the children first. In one of her articles, she said,” But whatever the grown-ups do to themselves, they should absolutely avoid introducing any new companions to their children until the divorce is over and until there is a solid foundation for the new relationship with some reasonable degree of probability that it will last.

If married adults would put the children first, there probably wouldn’t be as many divorces or broken homes. Divorce devours the entire family; no one misses the angry fangs of divorce. 

As Always,  

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Difference Between Good Parent & Good Provider

It’s a proven fact that children’s love can’t be purchased – the bottom line is this children want your love, your mentoring and most of all your time. Presents, fancy clothes, expensive toys are actually a flimsy band aid that appears to be the perfect fix for children. Many parents substitute material things in place of unconditional love.

Are you a good provider or a good parent, actually many parents wear both hats?  But, inadvertently a good provider can be the trigger that ends up in divorce. He or she works 24/7 to provide a beautiful home, fancy clothes, expensive toys thinking they have done their duty for their spouse and their kids.

In fact, when divorce comes knocking they’re shocked, angry and on the fight – they feel they’ve been betrayed. They’ve been so busy providing over the years that they totally missed out on the God given blessing of parenting and strengthening their marriage.  To them money is the true measure of a successful spouse – they consider themselves a responsible partner and parent in the marriage.  If asked to rate themselves, they’re probably rating themselves somewhere between 8 and 10. 

When the spouse has filed for divorce the good provider feels they have been blind-sided and rejected. They don’t want a divorce and can’t understand why the spouse has turned on them.  They’ve worked 24/7 providing for the family only to be shunned or abandoned and without a doubt they’ve given their family the best of the best when it comes to a roof over their heads, fancy clothes, great schools and lavish gifts.

But a successful provider isn’t always considered a good parent or marriage partner because they haven’t had time to participate with spouse and children.  They’ve been too busy making money to hang out with the spouse and kids. Although they wanted to attend their children’s school or sports activities, their just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

So are you a good provider, but not a good parent?  Being a provider and good parent takes skill and the art of prioritizing.  It’s a balance that is difficult to achieve, but achievable. 

Your children and spouse need your time, your love and most of all your interaction with them as a family. The kids want to see you sitting on the bleachers watching them play a game or going with them fishing or on a picnic. The spouse deserves a date now and then, some free time just with you.

So before divorce reaches your doorstep, take a step back and evaluate yourself.  Have you carved out time for your family during your busy day?  Do you spend time hanging out with your kids, talking to them, playing games with them and mentoring them? 

A great way to evaluate yourself is this; (1) Has your marriage grown stronger over the years, (2) Do you spend time with your children or just supply them with material things, and (3) Can you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because you’re a good provider and a great parent? 

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Almost Perfect Divorce

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Often times the picture perfect marriage where two people vow to love, care for and honor till death do they part falls apart at the seams. What appeared to be a perfect union between a man and women has disintegrated over the years and it seems that the marriage is fractured beyond repair.

Neither one is pointing a finger or blaming their spouse; they just wake up one morning and realize that the once powerful relationship no longer exists.  

They both agree that it’s time to go their separate ways. No need to hire legal council, after all they’re intelligent adults and both are willing to sit down and complete the necessary paperwork to end their marriage. 

They will divide up assets, retirement and financial obligations insuring that neither one will suffer needlessly. This is a fairytale divorce without hero or heroine – no villain and no magical being to come to the aid of the hero.

This type of divorce which definitely works for some is called a non-contested or mutual divorce. Both parties agree on division of property, assets and financial obligations.  If children are involved, usually both parents want to share custody so joint custody is agreed upon. 

But what happens when neither spouse can agree on division of property, assets, financial obligations and child custody. Oftentimes one spouse hires a high powered attorney to represent them while the other opts to be a pro se litigant. Unless the pro se litigant is prepared to do an extensive amount of homework and preparation odds are against them. 

Due to their lack of judicial knowledge and courtroom procedure they’re at the mercy of the spouse who has legal council. One has a case to present to the Judge and the other has a story laced with “he said, she said” testimony. Although many judges have empathy for the pro se litigant, their hands are tied and they must make determinations on information at hand.

The American Bar Association and many judges say, “Pro Se litigants often lose more then they should when representing themselves,” because the pro se litigant doesn’t know how to prepare his or her case based on hard facts. There are many workshops and self help information venues for the pro se litigants, but few take advantage of this type of support. 

An Arizona company not yet launched is extending a hand up to  pro se litigants for a year without any charges or hidden surprises.  Go to www.caseboss.com

Their team is waiting to assist you and answer your questions while you learn to prepare a powerful case for your day in court.

1. Judges have little patience with pro se litigants or legal counsel who comes to Court unprepared.

2.  Judges have a small window of time and make final decisions based on verified information presented to them.

3.  Judges are in control of your future – decisions are made on hard facts and not “he said, she said” information. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Grandparents Have Rights - Divorce

What about the grandparents?  Why are they often times left out of the divorce picture – they’ve helped raise, mentor and love the children and now they are no longer allowed to continue their beautiful relationship with the grandchildren.  Grandparents, you have rights – fight for them.

Decisions are made in the “best interest” of the children and you may well be the missing piece that your grandchildren need. Don’t just wring your hands and walk away, contact an attorney and ask for legal advice and assistance.  Each State has laws that actually protect grandparents “rights” and if you’ve been an active participating person in the children’s lives, you’ll get more than a nod.

It may be a good idea to gather up some factual information before your first free consult with an attorney.  Try to show via pictures, birthdays, holidays, vacations etc. how you’ve been actively involved with your grandchildren. You want to prove that your relationship with the grandchildren is special and that you’ve been a devoted participant in their lives.  

If you present your case to the courts, be prepared to answer all questions about your relationship with the grandchildren. Be prepared to tell the judge how often you would like to visit with your grandchildren.  If the children are very small and you’ve moved out of State, this definitely could pose a problem, but maybe you could ask to spend a portion of the holidays or their birthdays with them.

Explaining your relationship with the custodial parent prior to divorce proceedings will help the judge make a decision – if it’s been stormy weather and extensive conflict with the custodial parent prior to the divorce this will be taken under consideration also.

The important question in court will be why the custodial parent refused you visitation rights with the grandchildren. Do they have a valid reason or is it merely a payback and punishment against their ex spouse?  How the custodial parent thinks grandparent’s visitation would harm the children?

Yes, grandparents have rights and many times continuing communication and visitation with the grandchildren is in the “best interest” of the children.  As a grandparent, I have been actively involved in my grandchildren’s lives and have helped raise each of them – there’s no way in h- - -, that I would allow my grandparent’s rights to be taken away.  

As Always,

Little Tboca

What About the Kids

www.caseboss.com

Don't Forget the Children



When divorce knocks at the door often times the father and mother are preoccupied in their individual missions that they forget the children. One spouse is high tailing it out of Dodge because selfishly they consider “divorce” a lifeline and a pathway to freedom.  The other spouse sees no freedom in sight; they see their world as they once knew it going up in smoke.

Notice that neither parent thought of the children first – they were too busy arming themselves and preparing for battle.  This has nothing to do with their love for their children – most parents love their children unconditionally.  It’s all about priorities sort of like which comes first the chicken or the egg. 

They both feel that they’re in a sink or swim mode and their first instinct is to save themselves and deal with the children later.  During this survival instinct one or both decide to use the children as pawns. They degrade each other in front of the children and try to get the children to take sides. 

How evil, these little angels are just left there dangling without an advocate in their corner.  Sometimes dad or mom are so infatuated with their new playmate there isn’t any time to hang out with their kids.

The other spouse is on a never ending roller coaster ride of emotions, anger - they’re obsessed with the desire to cremate their once loving soul mate leaving them unfit to be around the children.

So what about the kids, who really cares about the kids?  Shouldn’t the kids be the first priority when divorce is on the horizon?  There are judges out there who are children’s advocates and they do everything in their power to protect the children.

One of these judges is a great lady (Judge Ann Kass) from New Mexico and she believes the courts should give more weight to the children’s rights than the rights of the parents.

Honorable Judge Ann Kass decided to include a “nesting” plan for some extremely out of control parents.  Nesting is when the children remain in their home and the parents with suitcase in hand take turns moving in and out of the children’s home.

This was Judge Ann Kass’s way of leveling the playing field where neither parent would have total control.  The parents experienced what the children will be going thru as they are shuffled back and forth with suitcase in hand.

“Nesting” seems rather extreme, but it encourages parents to put their children at the top of their priority list.  Divorce is a home wrecker and children are pretty much at the mercy of the parents unless the judge intervenes. 

Before jumping into a divorce, take time to think about your children’s welfare physically and emotionally. There’s no cut and dried solution when there’s a divorce with children. 

A few things that will ease the pain of divorce for your children is: (1) Both parents need to communicate a message to their children that they are loved, (2) Never make the children choose sides – don’t use them as pawns, (3) Both parents should do whatever it takes to help the children thru the confusing transitions created by divorce, and (4) Sit down with the children and assure them that the divorce isn’t their fault.

It’s a proven fact that children want your time, your love and the security you can offer them, not lavish gifts or expensive toys. 

Love Can’t Be Purchased – it’s a God given commodity that your children deserve!

As Always,

Little Tboca