Communication - Divorce

Divorce is tough even in the best of circumstances when both parties are willing to work together to resolve problems.  Many couples facing divorce are still able to communicate and agree on child custody, division of marital assets, who stays in the home and how their liabilities will be divided.

Others who struggle with communication choose mediation or collaboration as options – by bringing a third party or parties to the table they seem to function rather well in making final decisions about their divorce.  

There are many divorces where the couples meet in the middle, no contest and wrap up their divorce in a neat little package that both agree upon.  Not all divorces are contentious and doomed to head for divorce court – this is a good thing and often has the best positive outcome for both parties. 

But there is another side to some marital relationships that lack communication or the desire to resolve their differences.  This marital relationship is toxic and one or both parties have “pay - back” etched on their foreheads. 

   

One or both spouses are “power driven” and refuse to collaborate or mediate – they want the lion’s share of marital assets and total custody of the children.  They live their lives via intimidation and threats – usually fearful though of any type of mediation because this would show a weakness on their part. 

Sometimes the marital relationship has been totally broken due to one or both parties refusing to communicate.  Without a line of communication nothing can be settled or resolved so the couple will probably end up in divorce court. 

There are a few red flags to watch out for in these very contentious divorces that are anger and emotionally charged.  Does your spouse have a high powered divorce attorney?  Are the children being used as pawns?  Has your spouse tampered with joint savings or bank accounts? 

The safest way to protect yourself and your children is to at least have a consult with a divorce attorney.  Find out what your legal rights are before it’s too late.  No one cares as much about the outcomes of this divorce as you do – so carefully weigh your options and take the necessary steps to receive a favorable decision from a divorce judge. 

Once the divorce is final, each parties lifestyles change and one must wonder was it for the good of both parties?

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money, and divorce a matter of course. ~ Helen Rowland

 As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorce - Children are the Priority!

Best Interests of the Children

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. The judge will want to know which parent has been the primary caregiver during the marital relationship. He or she may discover that both parents are excellent caregivers and that will determine custody issues. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”   

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce. http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Man Dissects Marital Relationship

Everyone has heard the expression a day late and dollar short and often this is the case with divorces. Instead of doing some soul searching about one's role in a marriage we do what is inherent human instinct - we ease our pain and disappointment by placing the blame on someone else.

Once we remove responsibility for our own actions and place it on someone else's shoulders we devote our time building a case against that person or persons. This happens often in marital relationships and the strange thing about this, we've actually sabotaged ourselves.

The video below is a man's viewpoint after his divorce and it has gone viral. Immediately after his divorce he dissected his marital relationship and accepts responsibility for his actions or lack of actions. This applies to women not just men. Hope it helps someone when they are contemplating divorce in the near future.

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

Divorce and Family Law

So you've decided to represent yourself in divorce court or go pro se - your decision may be based on finances, not trusting attorneys or you may just feel no one knows your case as well as you do...

Regardless of the reasons you've made the decision to represent yourself, it is important to study family laws in your State. Getting your divorce forms from your courthouse or State Government website may be best, because many online sites just have generic forms where one size fits all and that's not true.

Before plodding off into the wild blue yonder of divorce, consider this - no one cares as much about your divorce case as you.  Legally you can represent yourself, but with that right comes many responsibilities that a pro se litigant should consider. 

Does your soon to be ex have legal counsel?  Do you know the family laws and statutes in your State?  Do you have an extensive amount of marital assets?  Do you know which divorce forms should be used and do you know how to fill them out?  Are you prepared to burn the candle at night and create a powerful divorce case?  Are you assuming that your soon to be ex will be gracious, kind and considerate and honest?

Here is a short video from a divorce judge that may help you in making decisions.

As Always,
Little Tboca    

www.caseboss.com

Parents Abuse Their Parental Rights

There are parents who have abused their rights as parents. Although each State varies some on their laws regarding parents rights, the one thing that all States consider is the "best interest" of the children. If the children are suffering or placed in a position that might cause them harm a parent may lose their parental rights.

The laws regarding parental rights provide a safety net for the children and that's a very positive thing -
our children deserve protection at all times.

Many times and this is the sad part, children are too young and not capable of expressing themselves or discussing what is actually happening while they are residing with parents or a parent. These children need a liaison, someone who cares and takes the necessary steps to protect the children/

Other times parents actually threaten their older children in order to hide behind their abusive behaviors without any consequences. Family members, friends and co-workers don't like to get involved in family issues, sometimes relatives actually fear for their own safety if they expose an abusive parent or parents.

Thanks to law enforcement officers, social service workers and some family members children that are living in abusive situations are removed from their home. Often times this is a double edge sword for the children, because they love their parents and don't want to be separated from them even though removing them from parental control is in their "best interests."

It's extremely important to protect the children and yet removal of parental rights is a critical decision and the Courts base their decisions entirely on the "best interest" of the children. Here are some of the issues presented to the Courts when making a determination if in fact the children should be removed from the home.

Go to the Findlaw website that identifies abuse both physically and mentally

 http://family.findlaw.com/parental-rights-and-liability/checklist-grounds-for-terminating-parental-rights.html

Very seldom do I insert my opinion in my articles, but I'm a grandmother of eight beautiful angels and I have "zero" tolerance for abusive or negligent parents. If a parent is struggling financially or feels they need some help in caring for their children, there are many many programs that can and will offer assistance to a parent that is struggling.

Although it's the norm now in our Nation at this time, to turn your head and not get involved reconsider this shallow excuse that it's best not to intercede even for infants, toddlers and older children. I truly think we are our brother's keeper and as a human being and citizen of this great Country it is our duty to protect our children.

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce & Statute of Limitations

If you are contemplating divorce, one very important piece of information that should be researched before filing for divorce is the Statute of Limitations and the residency laws in your State.  States vary in their laws regarding divorce and Statute of Limitations.

With the exception of  Alaska, S. Dakota and Washington, most States have stringent residency requirements ranging from 60 days to a year. Be sure you know the residency requirements in your State - go to your State Government and search for divorce, then find out what your State requirements are... 

Your divorce isn't legal if you don't work within the Statute of Limitations. These State Statute of Limitations

are etched in stone on residency, serving spouse papers, answering interrogatories and not knowing your State laws just isn't a feasible excuse.  

A good rule of thumb is to file your divorce papers in the State that you reside in or you may have the added expense of traveling back and forth from State to State. If spouse lives out of State, you may want to consider filing divorce papers first, because if your spouse files first you will be going to his or her State for the divorce proceedings. 

It's important to remember that each State has their own Statutes of Limitations, residency laws and family laws pertaining specifically to divorce. There are guidelines that must be followed - if you're contemplating or going through divorce, it's your responsibility to apprise yourself of these laws and statutes.

Although divorce is touted as the latest and greatest way to dissolve a marital relationship, one must consider the consequences of divorce. How will divorce affect you financially?  How will divorce affect your child or children?  Last, will divorce actually relieve you from paying alimony, child support and liabilities?  

Sometimes the grass isn't greener and divorce can have devastating consequences that will affect you for years to come.  

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce and Assumptions Don't Mix

So often one stumbles and falls when they assume something to be true - this often occurs in a contested divorce. Safest strategy is don't assume!

One party in the marital relationship believes they have  been a good person, a good provider and excellent parent.  They feel that any divorce judge would acknowledge that they in fact had been an honest active participant in the relationship and deserve a big piece of the divorce pie.

They also assume that the family divorce laws in their State will protect them and what's good for the goose is also good for the gander meaning a family law judge will dole out a favorable decision in their behalf when it comes to custody, alimony and division of marital assets.

They have made a decision (not always a well - informed decision) to represent themselves in court, because they believe beyond a doubt that once the judge here's their side of the story he or she will smile on them favorably.  FYI, if your story is based on here say evidence or better know as "he said, she said" philosophy usually one can expect a disastrous crash in the courtroom.

The divorce judge uses the family laws as his or her tools that assist them in making informed decisions.  Just because one feels he or she can sit down and have a little chit chat with the judge telling him or her all the gory details of the marital relationship does not make much sense.

Divorce judges hear the same ole divorce stories day in and day out. Each story is stated in different ways with a few frills added - not much surprises them and frankly if you don't give them some concrete information and documentation to work with they are pretty much stonewalled.

If you go to court without documented information showing time, date, receipts actual proof regarding the marital relationship, the judge has nothing to work with when making a decision. Possibly your soon to be ex has legal counsel that has all information documented. This definitely puts you in a bad light when representing yourself if you're depending entirely on your "he said, she said" evidence.

When it comes to contentious divorce, don't assume or go half prepared because there are many different ways of interpreting the family laws. Study the family law in your State, go to workshops or venues offered in your State and learn how file papers, prepare interrogatories and prepare your divorce case.

Learn how to prepare your divorce case at www.caseboss.com  it's free for a year if you sign up now.

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

3 D's of DIvorce - ( Dress Demeanor & Data)

Dress, Demeanor and Documents take center stage if you want to make a favorable impression with the divorce judge and at the same time a favorable decision from the judge.



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It’s your day in Court – first impression in the Courtroom is extremely important. Leave your anger, frustration and pity parties at the door – revisit them in the privacy of your home but never in front of the Judge. Remember your manners, speak softly make eye contact and put on a happy face. 

Does anyone really care what how you dress?  You can bet your bottom dollar that the Judge, your soon to be ex and his or her attorney are checking you out from head to toe. 

                                                                                         

Men should wear dress slacks or a suit. Levis and a sloppy shirt hanging over your mid section just doesn’t fly in the courtroom if you’re trying to make a good impression.  A nice hair cut adds a subtle touch and a soft pastel colored shirt makes a perfect picture. If possible cover all tattoos, remove any nose rings and for Pete’s sake leave the profanity at home.

Women should cover body parts, not have anything hanging out, over or flopping.  Dress like this is the most important day of your life, which it may well be if you come to court looking like a lady of the night. Pastels are a great choice, red is probably a little too bold and black may be a little too stern. Don’t come flaunting orange or purple hair and leave the “tiger claws” at home.

Keep your composure, don’t give way to frowns, muttering under your breath, shaking your head or pointing your fingers at anyone. If there are children, refer to them at all times saying, “our children,” not my children. Good rule of thumb until the divorce is final it’s good when being descriptive to say our home, our vehicles or our debts etc…

If your spouse has council and you’re a pro se litigant be prepared to be ripped, diced and sliced by his or her attorney. Do not act defensive or angry, smile and answer questions accurately and quietly. You’ve arrived in court with a slew of “hot buttons” turn them off and don’t fall prey to lies, accusations or threats.

Before you head to Court, learn how to create a strong powerful case that tells your story based on facts and hard evidence. Learn how to eliminate the“he said, she said” testimony.  The D's of divorce, "Dress - Demeanor - Data."  Dress appropriately, control emotions and present a powerful case, not a sob story. 

Have a Great Day

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce - Not Get Out of Jail Free Card

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Marriage isn't a rose garden.

When a marriage goes from honey I love you to honey you’ve got to go – it may be best to consider all options before chucking a once beautiful relationship. There probably was a time when your spouse was your confidant, you best friend, your defender and partner. So what happened that put you on the road to divorce?

                                          

Yeh, yeh it’s human nature to hurl the blame at your marriage partner. You’ve made a divorce list and checking it twice just to make sure you didn’t miss one little piddly diddly thing. You’re dead set on getting your freedom come hell or high water – after all you deserve a better life. 

So just for kicks let’s check out what you did to deserve this better life. When your spouse lost his or her job did you comfort them and give them a tad of encouragement or did you turn your back, because there was only one bread winner in the house now?

When your marriage partner needed a friend, were you there for them or did you look at him or her like they had two heads and say grow up, get a life? When your spouse wanted to spend the week end with you – did you opt to party with friends or have your parents come for a visit?

When your other half wanted to meet your for a luncheon date or catch a good movie with you – did you make it happen or just make excuses why you couldn’t spend time with them?

When your spouse bought you gift that you hated – how did you handle it?  When your spouse wanted to start going to Church, did you laugh and tell them it’s a waste of time?

It’s difficult times for families due to the recession – homes, jobs and hope has been lost. Did you let the tough external things that occur due to the recession ruin a once beautiful marriage?  Did you lose an awesome relationship, because you were swimming in your own sorrows and needed someone to blame? 

When was the last time you said, “honey I love you?  So often it’s the little things that are small red flags in the marriage, usually overlooked by one or both spouses. Judges have said that often neither spouse remembers what started the problems in their marriage – they just woke up one day with a stranger in their house.

No doubt there are many reasons why divorce is the best choice; there may be abuse in the marriage, a dysfunctional spouse, infidelity etc. and it may be time to move on…

But, when a marriage becomes fragmented because two people quit communicating and went their separate ways, it might be a good time to revisit all of the things that made your marriage beautiful and special. Marriage is like a roller coaster ride – it’s a mix of highs and lows. No one promised you a rose garden! 

Divorce isn’t a ‘get out of jail free card;” it is destructive to you, your spouse and the children. Families carry the scars of divorce for a lifetime.

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

"He Said, She Said" Not in Divorce Court

So often one stumbles and falls when they assume something to be true - this often occurs in a contested divorce.

One party in the marital relationship believes they have  been a good person, a good provider and excellent parent.  They feel that any divorce judge would acknowledge that they in fact had been an honest active participant in the relationship and deserve a big piece of the divorce pie.

They also assume that the family divorce laws in their State will protect them and what's good for the goose is also good for the gander meaning a family law judge will dole out a favorable decision in their behalf when it comes to custody, alimony and division of marital assets.

They have made a decision (not always a well - informed decision) to represent themselves in court, because they believe beyond a doubt that once the judge here's their side of the story he or she will smile on them favorably.  FYI, if your story is based on here say evidence or better know as "he said, she said" philosophy usually one can expect a disastrous crash in the courtroom.

The divorce judge uses the family laws as his or her tools that assist them in making informed decisions.  Just because one feels he or she can sit down and have a little chit chat with the judge telling him or her all the gory details of the marital relationship does not make much sense.

Divorce judges hear the same ole divorce stories day in and day out. Each story is stated in different ways with a few frills added - not much surprises them and frankly if you don't give them some concrete information and documentation to work with they are pretty much stonewalled.

If you go to court without documented information showing time, date, receipts actual proof regarding the marital relationship, the judge has nothing to work with when making a decision. Possibly your soon to be ex has legal counsel that has all information documented. This definitely puts you in a bad light when representing yourself if you're depending entirely on your "he said, she said" evidence.

When it comes to contentious divorce, don't assume or go half prepared because there are many different ways of interpreting the family laws. Study the family law in your State, go to workshops or venues offered in your State and learn how file papers, prepare interrogatories and prepare your divorce case.

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Will Credit be Damaged From Divorce

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Will your credit be damaged due to a divorce?  Will you be responsible for credit cards or loans that are in both names?  If you wait until your day in divorce court, you may have a rude awakening – divorce doesn’t relieve you of financial obligations incurred during the marriage.

If the home is in both of your names and one party gets to live in the home, this doesn’t relieve you of liability – this is one reason if possible selling the home is the best way to protect yourself from this obligation.

If credit cards are in both names,  the credit card company can and will come after both parties if they’re delinquent on payments.  It would be a good idea to pay off credit cards and cancel them removing your name once again from a future unnecessary expense.  Meanwhile if divorce is imminent one or both parties can continue using credit cards etc., which can be an astronomical amount of money over a period of time. 

Divorce will not remove you from your obligations on credit cards – if cards are left in both names one spouse can continue using the card which may be very costly to you.

Both parties are responsible for anything that the marital couple has purchased together with both names on the loan or mortgage.  If you are a co- signer on a purchase made by your soon to be ex and he or she default on payments, you’re next in line to be dunned for the balance due.

 Logically this doesn’t seem fair if one party ends up with the house, car and half of the marital assets that you will be held accountable if mortgages, loan payments or credit cards debts are defaulted on. 

Even before divorce it is advisable to get some legal or financial counseling on any marital obligations which have both names on the loan or mortgage such as vehicles, furniture, air conditioning units, appliances etc.  Just a brief visit with an attorney, tax specialist or counselor may save you money and heartache in the future. The laws of your State will govern your decisions and you’re on a “need to know” basis at this time.

It’s again the old rule “don’t assume” anything when it comes to divorce – if you wait until you get to court the judge’s decision may in fact not be in your favor.  It’s best to get a game plan on your finances now before you get to court.

As Always,

Little Tboca

Men's Take on Divorce

No doubt men and women come from a different planet or so it seems. When it comes to divorce the little women gets engaged and plunges headlong into the many facets of divorce. She's more than a little bit pro active, because her anger and emotions have kicked in big time. Often times, she's not logical nor willing to communicate because in her eyes she's right and you're just plain wrong.

This person that you took the marriage vowels with has just gone south from friend, soul mate to number one enemy. In her mind she wants the house, the kids and even the kitchen sink. Of course not all women approach divorce this way, but a very large percentage goes for the "gusto" big alimony, the house, the children and child support. Family law were created to protect both parties, yet these laws can be misused and abused.

Men usually approach divorce in an entirely different manner.  First they believe that even though divorce is imminent that his spouse will be honest, fair and forthright when it comes to their divorce. That's the first biggest mistake, this person is no longer your partner nor does she worry about your feelings or future at this time.

Next mistake is assuming that the laws of our land are in place that will protect you come hell or high water, but this is strictly an old wives' tale.  Family laws can be manipulated by legal counsel until you will look like the scum of the earth.

Hopefully this will be a wake up call for some men.  Take the time to check you states' family laws regarding divorce.  Find out about division of marital assets, child custody and each spouse's obligations. Prepare yourself next with some hard questions for a divorce attorney and at least have a free consultation. Often times it better to work two jobs and have legal counsel than to try to fly on your own.  At least after your consultation you'll be better prepared and know what to expect.

If your're going pro se, then start studying the family laws in your State. Go to your State government site and put divorce in the search box.  Next learn how to build a powerful case for court - be prepared to stay up into the wee hours of the night studying. It's your life, your future and your hard earned money that's involved.

Building a divorce case is pretty much like taking on the job of a detective. Learn to document, organize and arrange your case by time, subject and date. A great place to start would be at www.caseboss.com - they are offering their website for one year free without any hidden expenses.

 Free is free - just take your time to do the homework and email their great team if you're in the dark and don't know how to start.  They have an awesome team there to assist you.

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca