2014 May Not be the Best Year for a Divorce

2014 will be very unpredictable for those contemplating divorce - it will be another year of Government glitches and unlawful compromises and deals. It's hard to know how Obamacare will play out in 2014, but it's a safe bet that Americans will have the Government gophers sneaking in their pocketbook and snitching their money.

Those deliberating on divorce may want to step back and review all of their options before jumping into the divorce frying pan. Obamacare has created an instability in our job market, because businesses will have to cut back employee hours to part time or just cut back on employees period.  Either way think before you jump into a divorce because your ex may not have money for alimony and not much if any for child support - he or she may be without a job.

Another factor which is huge is this: the parent who has the responsibility of providing health insurance for his family may not in fact have the finances to pay a large co pay or deductible, which in some of the Obamacare plans is somewhere between $4500 to $6000 per family member before insurance kicks in - so it may be wise to reconsider jumping into a divorce until you see what 2014 has on the horizon.

One more thing that I've written about many times is about those who are planning to represent themselves in the courtroom or going pro se.  Regardless of the reasons for going pro se, it's difficult and over 70% of those representing themselves leave the courtroom totally beaten up because they weren't prepared for their day in court.

Pro se divorce isn't  merely filling out a few divorce forms. You've decided to wear the hat of an attorney meaning it's going to take alot of studying and homework. The judge can't make favorable decisions for you if you haven't prepared your case for court. Do you know the family laws in your state?  Do you know the Statute of Limitations in your State?  Do you know how to fill out interrogatories?  Do you know courtroom protocol?  Do you know the laws in your State on serving divorce papers to your spouse?  

If your spouse has an attorney, do you feel qualified to get a favorable decisions from the judge?  There are so many unknowns when it comes to divorce, divorce judges, new State laws on alimony etc. - one must get a handle on their anger and emotions and make good business decisions when divorce is in your future.

I didn't write this article to scare anyone - it's just so very important to analyze your options before jumping into divorce.  Could you settle out of court maybe settle for collaborate divorce?  Could you and your spouse sit down together and negotiate fair terms that will benefit each of you or is there a chance that divorce could be put on hold for a while?

Lastly, remember the children in fact your priority should be the children first - so whatever your decision may be about divorce always do what is best for the children.

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Marriage - no Commitment

Marriage without a true commitment usually ends up in divorce court. Pro se divorce has become the norm – family law judges are left with the shattered pieces of a marriage and expected to deliver favorable decisions. Divorce statistics show that over half of the marriages end up in divorce. 

There was a time when shacking up, opting for single parenthood and same sex marriages wasn’t the norm – but in 2013 Americans participate in all of the above without ever considering consequences. Children raised without a father’s influence is the norm – somewhere around 20 to 30 million children are without a father figure.

"Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless." 
Fortune Magazine

Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears said recently, “ children born to unmarried women and to those in cohabiting relationships "must often overcome increased risks of poverty, education failure, child abuse, delinquency, emotional distress and mental illness."……the lack of a father's guidance in children's lives is a major cause of their suffering. "Marriage is the best child welfare, crime prevention, anti-poverty program we have," 

Isn’t it ironic that two consenting adults ignore the horrific consequences that occur from their selfish desire to do as they please without taking responsibility for the children that they bring into this world. 

As the norm changes so do the traditional values once associated with marriage.  Love, honor and obey till death do us part has been relegated to the ancient history shelves – the nonchalant attitude in many marriage isn’t based on vows but on convenience, material things and finances.  It’s sort of the old adage that two heads are better than one – two paychecks, a bed partner and a path to materialism.

Both parties enter the marriage with a “try it see if we like it” attitude actually the only commitment if one could call it that is we’ll give marriage a try, but divorce is their get out of jail free card. 

A High Court family judge, Sir Paul Coleridge suggests couples should not have children unless they have a stable relationship. Divorce is at epidemic proportions and is once again the norm in the USA. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. 

No one is pointing their finger at the people who wish to cohabitate, but everyone should be concerned for the children from these adults who are left to fend for themselves.  They’re the latch key kids or the children who are raised by the daycare technicians and schools – is it any wonder that this group of children struggle in their adult lives? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Best Interest of the Children - Divorce

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce Epidemic - Baby Boomers

Baby boomers are becoming frequent flyers in divorce court – even divorce attorneys are surprised and rather confused. One would think that during the recession a couple would want to weather the storm until the economy turns around, but that’s not the case. 

The baby boomers  appear to be reinventing divorce – they’re hell bent on getting out of Dodge with an armload of retirement funds, the house and all that the couple has accumulated over 25 to 30 years.  Family law judges are all ready on overload and many boomers are opting for do it yourself divorce which is stressing family law courts.   

Muslims are reverting to divorce and hot on the boomer’s trail which only makes divorce a much more complex issue.  What are the hot buttons causing the discontent?  What is going on in our USA that is triggering the boomers and Muslims to opt for divorce?

Muslims and boomers are strange bed fellows and no one has a definitive explanation about this divorce phenomena – Muslims and boomers certainly are marching to someone else’s drum as they dash to the family law courts. 

The boomers are suffering from their decision to get a divorce; many are dipping into their retirement funds to pay daily expenses. Assets are divided leaving each party with some money, but they would have more to share as a couple.  When they were married, one spouse usually stayed at home to raise the children (meaning he or she may not have worked outside the home,) so spousal support may be in order.

For the Muslims marriage was Allah’s gift to mankind – the family supposedly should be resilient and thrive on the union of man and women. But, Allah being a wise God knew that not every relationship between man and women would work, so divorce is an option if there’s a valid reason.  Allah frowns on divorce when the married couple doesn’t have a valid reason for parting ways. 

Christian for years didn’t approve or support divorce but the norm has changed for them too – although most Christians have a difficult time accepting divorce they are much more tolerant than they were 10 or 15 years ago.

http://knowledgebase.findlaw.com/kb/2013/Apr/979275.html

Is it something in the air, the water or does the grass appear greener now to those wanting to dissolve their relationships. Could it be boredom from our high tech society – maybe we’ve become gadget and service poor. 

Or could the state of the nation be the culprit causing the discontentment due to a recession, morality dysfunction, corrupt Government and constant turmoil within our Country?  Maybe people are just on overload with too much to carry on their plates or maybe they’ve lost site of the things that once made our Nation resilient, strong and a safe haven for all. 

As Always,

Little Tboca 

www.caseboss.com

Divorce - Temporary Means Temporary

If at the time of the temporary divorce hearing you are granted temporary custody of the children, child support, alimony and granted the right to live in the marital home until the divorce is final, remember the word “temporary.” 

 Don’t traipse out of divorce court thinking you’re about to slam dunk your spouse, because the family law judge granted you temporary custody of the children.

How you behave and handle the temporary orders will affect the judge’s final decision. Buyer beware - these orders by the divorce judge aren’t indicative of his or her final decision in court. Usually a divorce attorney will discuss temporary custody - the orders are for a limited amount of time only. 

If you become over zealous and get in a pay back mode, your king or queen for a day mode will come crashing down.  Don’t take unfair advantage of your spouse by running up excessive credit card charges, or neglecting your responsibilities in maintaining the marital residence.  Family law judges will take your behavior into consideration when granting a divorce. 

Denying your spouse visitation rights won’t just get your fingers burnt – it may be the reason the judge changes the custody orders.  You should encourage visitation rights with your spouse and definitely shouldn’t use the children as pawns to punish the other parent.

This is a time when you better take a deep breath and follow the temporary orders granted to you – ditch the anger and emotion. The judge didn’t give you a free pass to be abusive of your spouse.  

Don’t get on the social media and brag about the judge’s orders. Don’t assume that you’re home free – your day in court hasn’t arrived yet and what you do or say will be held against you.

Temporary means during the interim, nothing is etched in concrete. A family law judge will decide what is in the “best interest” of the children and if you’ve acted like a knuckle head during this time, there’s a strong probability that you will walk out of court very displeased with the judge’s final orders.

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Do Grandparents Have Rights - Divorce

What about the grandparents?  Why are they often times left out of the divorce picture – they’ve helped raise, mentor and love the children and now they are no longer allowed to continue their beautiful relationship with the grandchildren.  Grandparents, you have rights – fight for them.

Decisions are made in the “best interest” of the children and you may well be the missing piece that your grandchildren need. Don’t just wring your hands and walk away, contact an attorney and ask for legal advice and assistance.  Each State has laws that actually protect grandparents “rights” and if you’ve been an active participating person in the children’s lives, you’ll get more than a nod.

It may be a good idea to gather up some factual information before your first free consult with an attorney.  Try to show via pictures, birthdays, holidays, vacations etc. how you’ve been actively involved with your grandchildren. You want to prove that your relationship with the grandchildren is special and that you’ve been a devoted participant in their lives.  

If you present your case to the courts, be prepared to answer all questions about your relationship with the grandchildren. Be prepared to tell the judge how often you would like to visit with your grandchildren.  If the children are very small and you’ve moved out of State, this definitely could pose a problem, but maybe you could ask to spend a portion of the holidays or their birthdays with them.

Explaining your relationship with the custodial parent prior to divorce proceedings will help the judge make a decision – if it’s been stormy weather and extensive conflict with the custodial parent prior to the divorce this will be taken under consideration also.

The important question in court will be why the custodial parent refused you visitation rights with the grandchildren. Do they have a valid reason or is it merely a payback and punishment against their ex spouse?  How the custodial parent thinks grandparent’s visitation would harm the children?

Yes, grandparents have rights and many times continuing communication and visitation with the grandchildren is in the “best interest” of the children.  As a grandparent, I have been actively involved in my grandchildren’s lives and have helped raise each of them – there’s no way in h- - -, that I would allow my grandparent’s rights to be taken away.  

As Always,

Little Tboca

Parenting Plan Before Divorce

Do it yourself divorce can become very complicated if there are children involved. Here’s one more thing on your plate that is something both parents need to create before arriving in divorce court. 

Without a parenting plant the family law judge is left to clean up the parenting mess, because parents can’t reach an agreement. Child custody is a critical issue of divorce and without a doubt one of the most contentious matters in the family law court.

The family law judge makes decision based on the “best interest” of the children. If both parents can lay aside the marital disagreements briefly and work together creating a parenting plan that specifically supports the child or children emotionally and physically it can be a win win situation for parents and children.

If one parent is seeking sole custody of the children, he or she must provide evidence or information showing the other parent as unfit. Sole custody is often granted if one spouse has a criminal history, abusive or addicted to drugs or alcohol. Sole custody is granted at times, but not without substantial proof that one parent hasn’t been involved in parenting or is incapable due to personal issues to be a substantial parent.   

If one parent is granted sole legal custody they make decisions about education, health and well being of the child or children and can make decisions about the faith environment they will be raised in…

Joint custody is just what it sounds like, both parents work together making decision in the best interest of their children. Physical custody refers to the amount of time each parent has with the children – most parents can create a feasible plan including the handling of holidays, summer vacation and time spent with each parent. 

Bottom line is this, if father and mother can’t agree on the custody issues, the Judge must intervene and decide custody based on the “best interest” of the children. 

Divorce is super charged with emotion, anger and often times the intense desire of one or both spouses to punish each other. Parents should attempt to be rational about custody of the children and present a parenting plan to the judge that is in the “best interest” of the children.  Without a parenting plan both parties are at the mercy of the court and the judge will be the final decision maker. 

http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/divorce/article33.asp

As Always,

Little Tboca

Some Problems with Pro Se Litigation

So you’ve made a decision to represent yourself (Pro se) in divorce court. The decision was due to finances, your intense dislike of attorneys or your perception that you are the best person available to represent yourself in divorce court. Statistics show that pro se divorce is the new fad – so it’s your turn to prepare for your day in court.

Statistics also show that a large percentage of pro se litigants leave the courtroom with their bucket half empty. They assumed that because they were representing themselves everyone and his brother would offer a helping hand – wrong, judges don’t have the time to take you by the hand and the court staff isn’t allowed to offer legal advice.

Pro se litigants want their cake and want to eat it too – they don’t want to pay for legal counsel, they don’t want to learn family law rules and procedures and they darn sure aren’t going to take time to attend divorce seminars and workshops that are offered through our judicial system. 

The pro se litigant is flying by the seat of his or her pants and most likely will suffer an unmerciful beating in court – the American Bar Association and over 1200 judges that were interviewed say the pro se litigants lose more than they should in divorce court.

No doubt it makes one feel better if they can blame someone for their shortcomings, but the bottom-line is this – it isn’t the judge’s fault, or the fault of your ex’s legal counsel, nor the judicial system. You didn’t do your homework or prepare a solid case for your day in court.

This information comes from the American Bar Association, “Not knowing the legal requirements or procedural rules, omitting important signatures, not following Court schedule, missing deadlines are but a few of the problems that Pro Se litigants experience.” 

A few other problems that weaken your divorce case is not knowing the Statute of Limitations in your State, not knowing how to fill out interrogatories, not knowing how to serve papers legally on your spouse and the pre-conceived idea that everyone owes you a handout.

Divorce is tough, one day in court and a small window of time to present your case to a family law judge. Don’t end up in divorce court with a bunch of lose papers, receipts and sticky notes – build a case that is airtight and strive for a favorable decision from the judge.  Go to www.caseboss.com – there isn’t any charge and you have a great team at your fingertips to answer questions for 1 year without any charges.

Quit shuffling thru papers, learn how to organize documents by day, time and subject – learn how to create specific reports, tag information and prepare a strong case.  

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Judge's Take on Infidelity

Is infidelity in a marriage taken into consideration by a family law judge?  If you’re in a no fault state, it probably isn’t going to be a deciding factor in your divorce. Infidelity will cause problems when the cheater tries to get their spouse to agree on a tentative settlement. It is only human nature to fight back when one feels betrayed or rejected; it’s the one trump card that the jilted spouse holds and it’s an extremely powerful card. 

At this point, the spouse no longer feels an inner need to be fair, whatever that may mean.  He or she turns into a banker, accountant, a strategist and what might have been a mutual divorce turns into the wreck of the century. What about the children, who’s is watching out for the children? Two outstanding attorneys always put the children first in their courtroom – neither judge approved of an intimate relationship during the divorce. 

Katherine Eisold Miller is a prominent Collaborative Lawyer and family mediator is now a public educator helping husband and wives choose the best way when divorce is eminent. 

Katherine feels the children should be the priority and encourages parents to make best choices for the children’s sake. She feels an adulteress relationship has very little impact in a no fault state. But, in those states that take fault into consideration the division of property, alimony, child support can be seriously affected.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Katherine%20Eisold%20Miller/

A family law judge (Judge Ann Kass,) from New Mexico always put the children first. She had zero tolerance for those intimately involved in a relationship before the divorce is final. 

http://www.divorcepeers.com/dating-during-divorce.htm

Although New Mexico is a no-fault state, Judge Ann Kass always put the children first. In one of her articles, she said,” But whatever the grown-ups do to themselves, they should absolutely avoid introducing any new companions to their children until the divorce is over and until there is a solid foundation for the new relationship with some reasonable degree of probability that it will last.

If married adults would put the children first, there probably wouldn’t be as many divorces or broken homes. Divorce devours the entire family; no one misses the angry fangs of divorce. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce Can Last For Years

It’s a proven fact that necessity is the “Mother of all inventions or ideas.”  Thomas Edison didn’t like to work by candle light so he invented the light bulb. Old Ben Franklin had problems with his eyesight so he put two lenses together known as bifocals. Steve Jobs was the founder and creator of “Apple.”  Where there’s a need – there’s usually a way to create a product or service that saves time, money and aggravation. 

Something many people don’t realize is divorce problems can show their ugly heads  years after a divorce is granted if there are children involved.  Picture the ex spouse sitting in your home, collecting alimony, child support and living high on the hog.  All that was left for you was 8 supervised visitation days per month with the children, horrendous legal bills and a broken heart. To make things worse, this person was a pro at manipulating the court system.

As the years passed, you became a frequent flyer in the courtroom – your ex wanted more money because you’d received a promotion, accused you of child molestation, accused you of stalking and the dirty list rambles on… Nothing went your way in the courtroom!

The ex defied the court’s rulings and pretty much got off free as a bird. This devious person refused to get counseling for your child, refused to help your child with homework. This shark spent all of their spare time thinking of ways to snatch more money from you, but one day everything changed.

You received full custody of the child, the ex had to pay their portion of all medical bills for the child, had to go for counseling and was ordered by the court to get a job (no more alimony payments.)  You’d been walking through “hell’ for 12 years, but a light bulb finally went off in your head and you did two things at this point: (1) Eliminated any “he said, she said” evidence, and (2) Created a powerful case for your next court visit.

This person who was beaten up by the judicial system is the boss at www.caseboss.com – the boss who really works for you.  This website will help those going through or contemplating divorce. The caseboss team has openings left for those who want to build a powerful divorce case for their day in court. No charges, no gimmicks or hidden agendas – you have free use of the site for 1 year and access to a team that will answer questions or offer assistance. This is not a legal site.

Until pro se litigants accept the responsibilities that accompany self representation, they will continue to leave the courtroom with head hung low feeling they had been ripped off and the whole world is against them. It’s not easy representing yourself – it takes an extensive amount of homework and energy on your part to prepare for your day in court. 

A story is just a story and everyone going to divorce court has a story to tell.  Be a good detective, take your story and turn it into a powerful divorce case backed with the cold hard facts, paid receipts, documents organized by subject, date and time.  www.caseboss.com  is just a mouse click away.

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

If Divorce is the Only Solution

Getting up one day and whacking your spouse with the news that you’ve filed for divorce may not be in your best interest.  If divorce looms on the horizon in the near future - here is a good rule of thumb to follow. Don’t let the egg come before the chicken!

It’s not wise to broadcast via Face Book, Twitter or other social media or share with your supposedly best friend that you hate your spouse and intend to pay him or her back. What you say out of anger or runaway emotions on a social venue may in fact affect a judge’s decision. 

It is critical to your future and the future of your children (if children involved) that you make rational well thought out decisions.  Usually it takes two to tango and both parties share responsibility for a marriage crash. If you feel all avenues have been exhausted for repairing the broken marriage, then go forward with Plan A and prepare for your day in court. 

Best idea at this time is to become a good detective – go back several years and gather up all documents that pertain to your assets. Start a journal and keep a daily log of money spent, children’s activities, medical bills, retirement funds and all paid receipts.  Now is the time to record any and all information that will be beneficial to you in court - record credit card bills, medical bills, bank statements etc. 

After doing this extensive homework it’s time to sit down and talk with your spouse.  Don’t let emotions or anger enter into this conversation – it’s a strong possibility that your spouse may want to end the marriage too and is open to a divorce by mutual agreement. This saves both parties the expense of legal counsel or arbitration. 

If on the other hand this turns into a free for all or nasty divorce you need to understand what it means to create a strong powerful case for your day in court. Your objective is to eliminate the “he said, she said” malarkey and replace it with the cold hard facts. 

There is a new company, not launched yet who has openings for those contemplating or going though divorce.  Go to www.caseboss.com   No secret charges or hidden costs involved it's free – you’ll find a great team of people who will answer questions and assist you in your case building. 

As Always

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Nothing Free About DIvorce

It's Not Free

As you’re surfing the Internet, you find a maize of divorce websites that offer “free” services for those contemplating or going through a divorce.  It’s human nature to go after the free stuff!  So often the “free” isn’t really free – be cautious and very selective when surfing for divorce assistance.

Divorce forms and information can be located at your State government website – this is a best policy because not all States honor the online divorce forms. Check out the websites that offer divorce support – take the time to find out their history and verify that their site does in fact offer good advice and support.

Here are a couple of divorce support sites that have an established online presence offering information on family law.  http://www.divorcesupport.com/

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/family_law.html

If you want legal advice, the safest bet is to get a consult with an attorney – usually there isn’t any charge for this service. Like any other profession there’s a few naughty attorneys out there just looking for the next “sucker,” but overall there’s a great bunch of divorce attorneys with stellar reputations.

Pro se litigants beware because the Net has a bunch of vultures out there just waiting to get in you pocketbook. Filing for divorce, filling out interrogatories, learning about the judicial system isn’t easy – don’t fall prey to the sites that promise you the perfect divorce wrapped up in a box with a pretty bow.  It’s the old adage, if it looks to good to be true then????

The American Bar Association says as much as eighty percent of the legal needs of the poor are left unmet.  Pro Se litigants are at a disadvantage due to lack of legal experience and knowledge. There’s no quick cure for this problem, but each State in our Union offers a variety of divorce venues that offer assistance to those going through a divorce.

Here is a new company preparing to launch that offers free assistance to those contemplating or going through a divorce. This company www.caseboss.com will help people for one year prepare a divorce case for their day in court. The service is entirely free – no hidden surprises or last minute charges. They have an outstanding team waiting to answer questions and give you assistance.  www.caseboss.com  .

The majority of pro se litigants don’t realize that the spouse who has taken the time to build a case will probably be the one walking out of the courtroom with a smile on his or her face.  Imagine going to court with a powerful case in hand – documents are organized by date, time and subject.  Financials, paid receipts, liabilities all neatly packaged and ready for your day in court.

www.caseboss.com

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce Judge - A Pussycat or Tiger

Those going through divorce have a plateful, in fact it’s more like a tubful of do’s and don’ts.  If you’re going it alone (pro se,) here’s one more thought to fill your already cluttered mind. Do you know who your judge will be for your day in court?  Do you know how he or she controls the courtroom?  Don’t assume that just because you’re a good person – it will be smooth sailing in the courtroom. 

Are you going in front of a pussycat who wants both litigants to live happily ever after – if so he or she will probably slices the pie right down the middle. The pussy cat thinks it takes two to tango and strives to satisfy both parties.  He’s pleasant and provides a comfortable atmosphere in the courtroom – definitely not power driven!  

What if you find yourself in front of a legal eagle “owl” that follows family law statutes by the book?  He or she won’t budge and a pitty party may give the impression that you’re begging for mercy - that doesn’t sit well with the ole owl. Don’t take it personally, but he won’t budge and you’re about to have the family law book thrown at you.

Then again you may find yourself in front the no nonsense “tiger” and he or she pretty much considers the “he said, she said” testimony as crap and dives for the heart of the divorce.  Children are his or her priority and he’ll do whatever it takes to insure that the children get the best piece of the pie. He is well versed in family law and very capable of making tough decisions when necessary. This judge deserves a big thank you, because he’s honest, knowledgeable and the children are his priority.

No doubt there are a few family law judges who enjoy putting the squeeze on both parties. He or she basks in the power they possess in the courtroom - there won’t be any doubt in your mind that they are in control. Speak only when spoken to and don’t expect any favors.  Whatever you do don’t cross this person because he or she has your future in their hands!

 This article is based on personal experience and each judge has a name – cover your bet by preparing a powerful case for court and knowing your judge’s courtroom DNA. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Difference Between Good Parent & Good Provider

Its a proven fact that children’s love can’t be purchased – the bottom line is this children want your love, your mentoring and most of all your time. Presents, fancy clothes, expensive toys are actually a flimsy band aid that appears to be the perfect fix for children. Many parents substitute material things in place of unconditional love.

Are you a good provider or a good parent, actually many parents wear both hats?  But, inadvertently a good provider can be the trigger that ends up in divorce. He or she works 24/7 to provide a beautiful home, fancy clothes, expensive toys thinking they have done their duty for their spouse and their kids.

In fact, when divorce comes knocking they’re shocked, angry and on the fight – they feel they’ve been betrayed. They’ve been so busy providing over the years that they totally missed out on the God given blessing of parenting and strengthening their marriage.  To them money is the true measure of a successful spouse – they consider themselves a responsible partner and parent in the marriage.  If asked to rate themselves, they’re probably rating themselves somewhere between 8 and 10. 

When the spouse has filed for divorce the good provider feels they have been blind-sided and rejected. They don’t want a divorce and can’t understand why the spouse has turned on them.  They’ve worked 24/7 providing for the family only to be shunned or abandoned and without a doubt they’ve given their family the best of the best when it comes to a roof over their heads, fancy clothes, great schools and lavish gifts.

But a successful provider isn’t always considered a good parent or marriage partner because they haven’t had time to participate with spouse and children.  They’ve been to busy making money to hang out with the spouse and kids. Although they wanted to attend their children’s school or sports activities, their just wasn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

So are you a good provider, but not a good parent?  Being a provider and good parent takes skill and the art of prioritizing.  It’s a balance that is difficult to achieve, but achievable. 

Your children and spouse need your time, your love and most of all your interaction with them as a family. The kids want to see you sitting on the bleachers watching them play a game or going with them fishing or on a picnic. The spouse deserves a date now and some free time just with you.

So before divorce reaches your doorstep, take a step back and evaluate yourself.  Have you carved out time for your family during your busy day?  Do you spend time hanging out with your kids, talking to them, playing games with them and mentoring them?  A great way to evaluate yourself is this; (1) Has your marriage grown stronger over the years, (2) Do you spend time with your children or just supply them with material things, and (3) Can you look at yourself in the mirror and smile, because you’re a good provider and a great parent? 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Obamacare and Divorce

Most of us bragged for years about living in the land of the free. But, in 2013 a major glitch has arrived on the scene. It's called ACA (Obamacare) and at this time it appears Americans have just lost their freedom of choice. The Government is trying to take over our healthcare insurance hook line and sinker. 

Dr. Ben Carson said : "If we don’t stop Obamacare, we’ll end up with a single-payer system.  Dr. Carson goes one step further and compares Affordable Care Act (AKA Obamacare) to slavery saying, “It’s the worst thing since slavery.  Dr. Carson says that Obamacare is just paving the pathway allowing our Government to take over American Healthcare." 

Obama started Obamacare with the idea of attacking Insurers, Physicians, Surgeons and the entire medical field.  His strategy was to place Americans in such a comprising position that they had to depend on the Government. This is happening already as the few that are signing up for the healthcare program find themselves totally dependent on the Government.  

If you are contemplating divorce and you have children, it might be a good idea to find out what the future looks like for you when it comes to healthcare.  Possibly the company you work for will either dismiss you or cut your hours drastically, because in 2014 businesses are about to be attacked by Obamacare. No one can predict the actual outcome, but most analysts feel jobs will be in jeopardy.

Obamacare website has lost information, scrambled it sometimes listing a child as parent and actually ate your information so until you see something positive in writing from your Insurer it may be wise to hold off on divorce at this time. Find out what your deductible or co-pay will be - that deductible must be paid up front before receiving medical care so it's crucial to know that missing number.  

There are too many unknowns out there at this time. No one knows if they will have a job, lose their full-time hours, how much healthcare will cost, if they are even covered by healthcare insurers at this time, if unemployment benefits will be extended and if Obama and gang will change the rules for healthcare in the near future.

Maybe jumping into divorce at this time isn't the best choice - possibly keeping the marital relationship in tow is the best business decision. There's a possibility that it may take two paychecks just to survive the Government takeover of our healthcare - 2014 isn't looking too bright and shiny at this time. It appears that there may be insurmountable problems in the near future due to Obamacare.  

It’s obvious that Obama, Democrats and the Liberal News Media know by now that Obamacare is doomed and beyond salvaging. Their strategy is to continue this fiasco – they want to turn our healthcare into a single payer system?  

In the meantime, Obama and the Democrats are destroying our economy and weakening our Nation. Don’t forget that Obama has a slush fund that allows him to spend whatever he wants as long it’s under the Obamacare guise. This slush fund is good thru 2014 and ends in 2015. 

Ask your Senators to tell you daily how much is being spent on the promotion of Obama care and repair of a faulty website.  I’ll bet there’s not one Republican or Democrat that can give you accurate figures – that should tell you something. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Divorce - Children Should Come First

Divorce is a get out of jail free card in 2013.  If the marriage hits a few bumps in the road, no problem just get a divorce and live happily ever after.  Divorce has become a way of life – it’s accepted in our society not because it’s the right thing, but because it is now the norm.  In America, there is one divorce every 13 seconds. That’s 6,646 divorces per day, and 46,523 divorce per week.

Possibly dad and mom need to sit down and have a little meeting of the minds before deciding to bring children into their marriage. If the marriage is already on a shaky foundation, little angels from heaven aren’t going to be the glue needed to save the marriage. Children are our most precious gifts and blessing and yet they are the ones who take the hit from a divorce.

In 2013 marriage is one of those feel good things; it’s no longer about a commitment by two people to love, cherish, honor and cherish till death do us part. In this generation you can go out and buy marriage just like you would a new car and at any given time you can trade your spouse in for a new model.  But, what about the children?  Picture the family after divorce. 

The divorce is over parents have joint custody of the children. Dad and mom are adjusting to their new freedoms and single lifestyle, but not the children. Something is wrong with this scenario, because all is not well with the children.

Susie and Johnny literally live out of a suitcase; they’re frequent travelers from one parent’s home to the other without their security blanket. Do doubt dad and mom believe they’re giving the children the best two worlds, but no one bothered to ask the children.

50% of all North-American children will witness the divorce of their parents. Almost half of them will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage. (Furstenberg and others -Life Course-)

Statistics on children after divorce show that the little ones are truly the ones that suffer emotionally and physically.  http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-divorce-statistics.html

There are no easy solutions to this dilemma.  Parents make fairly quick adjustments after divorce and the children suffer for years sometimes their entire life.  There’s definitely something wrong with this picture. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Fairytale Divorce vs Contested Divorce

Often times the picture perfect marriage where two people vow to love, care for and honor till death do they part falls apart at the seams. What appeared to be a perfect union between a man and women has disintegrated over the years and it seems that the marriage is fractured beyond repair.

Neither one is pointing a finger or blaming their spouse; they just wake up one morning and realize that the once powerful relationship no longer exists.  

They both agree that it’s time to go their separate ways. No need to hire legal council, after all they’re intelligent adults and both are willing to sit down and complete the necessary paperwork to end their marriage. 

They will divide up assets, retirement and financial obligations insuring that neither one will suffer needlessly. This is a fairytale divorce without hero or heroine – no villain and no magical being to come to the aid of the hero.

This type of divorce which definitely works for some is called a non-contested or mutual divorce. Both parties agree on division of property, assets and financial obligations.  If children are involved, usually both parents want to share custody so joint custody is agreed upon. 

But what happens when neither spouse can agree on division of property, assets, financial obligations and child custody. Oftentimes one spouse hires a high powered attorney to represent them while the other opts to be a pro se litigant. Unless the pro se litigant is prepared to do an extensive amount of homework and preparation odds are against them. 

Due to their lack of judicial knowledge and courtroom procedure they’re at the mercy of the spouse who has legal council. One has a case to present to the Judge and the other has a story laced with “he said, she said” testimony. Although many judges have empathy for the pro se litigant, their hands are tied and they must make determinations on information at hand.

The American Bar Association and many judges say, “Pro Se litigants often lose more then they should when representing themselves,” because the pro se litigant doesn’t know how to prepare his or her case based on hard facts. There are many workshops and self help information venues for the pro se litigants, but few take advantage of this type of support. 

An Arizona company not yet launched is extending a hand up to  pro se litigants for a year without any charges or hidden surprises.  Go to www.caseboss.com  The service is free absolutely no strings attached, it will help the pro se litigant prepare a powerful case for divorce court. 

Their team is waiting to assist you and answer your questions while you learn to prepare your case for your day in court.

1. Judges have little patience with pro se litigants or legal counsel who comes to Court unprepared.

2.  Judges have a small window of time and make final decisions based on verified information presented to them.

3.  Judges are in control of your future – decisions are made on hard facts and not “he said, she said” information. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

What About the Children

When divorce knocks at the door often times the father and mother are preoccupied in their individual missions that they forget the children. One spouse is high tailing it out of Dodge because selfishly they consider “divorce” a lifeline and a pathway to freedom.  The other spouse sees no freedom in sight; they see their world as they once knew it going up in smoke.

Notice that neither parent thought of the children first – they were too busy arming themselves and preparing for battle.  This has nothing to do with their love for their children – most parents love their children unconditionally.  It’s all about priorities sort of like which comes first the chicken or the egg. 

They both feel that they’re in a sink or swim mode and their first instinct is to save themselves and deal with the children later.  During this survival instinct one or both decide to use the children as pawns. They degrade each other in front of the children and try to get the children to take sides. 

How evil, these little angels are just left there dangling without an advocate in their corner.  Sometimes dad or mom are so infatuated with their new playmate there isn’t any time to hang out with their kids.

The other spouse is on a never ending roller coaster ride of emotions, anger - they’re obsessed with the desire to cremate their once loving soul mate leaving them unfit to be around the children.

So what about the kids, who really cares about the kids?  Shouldn’t the kids be the first priority when divorce is on the horizon?  There are judges out there who are children’s advocates and they do everything in their power to protect the children.

One of these judges is a great lady (Judge Ann Kass) from New Mexico and she believes the courts should give more weight to the children’s rights than the rights of the parents.

Honorable Judge Ann Kass decided to include a “nesting” plan for some extremely out of control parents.  Nesting is when the children remain in their home and the parents with suitcase in hand take turns moving in and out of the children’s home.

This was Judge Ann Kass’s way of leveling the playing field where neither parent would have total control.  The parents experienced what the children will be going thru as they are shuffled back and forth with suitcase in hand.

“Nesting” seems rather extreme, but it encourages parents to put their children at the top of their priority list.  Divorce is a home wrecker and children are pretty much at the mercy of the parents unless the judge intervenes. 

Before jumping into a divorce, take time to think about your children’s welfare physically and emotionally. There’s no cut and dried solution when there’s a divorce with children. 

A few things that will ease the pain of divorce for your children is: (1) Both parents need to communicate a message to their children that they are loved, (2) Never make the children choose sides – don’t use them as pawns, (3) Both parents should do whatever it takes to help the children thru the confusing transitions created by divorce, and (4) Sit down with the children and assure them that the divorce isn’t their fault.

It’s a proven fact that children want your time, your love and the security you can offer them, not lavish gifts or expensive toys. 

Love Can’t Be Purchased – it’s a God given commodity that your children deserve!

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com