Pro Se Divorce - Not a Get Out of Jail Free Card

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So often pro se divorce isn’t the pathway to freedom – it isn’t a get out of jail free card.  Although pro se divorce is marketed, publicized and promoted, there isn’t any miraculous cure for pro se divorce litigants. Do it yourself divorce or pro se divorce has many hidden problems that need to be addressed. 

The Judicial system throughout the country is trying to assist the litigants by offering workshops and self help venues. There are great divorce websites on the Internet that offer free information and assistance to those contemplating divorce, but there are many Internet sites that prey on pro se litigant wanting their money. 

Don’t fall victim to the Internet sites that tout divorce as fast and easy – those sites play on emotions. Divorce that involves alimony, child custody, child support and division of property isn’t easy. Filling out divorce papers on line is a risk and it’s your life and future that is involved, what appears easy, inexpensive can cost much more than taking the time to do it right.

It’s best to control anger and emotions before jumping off the cliff into a lion’s den.  If divorce is the only option, take time studying the family laws in your State – learn what your options really are before diving into divorce.

Wearing the hat of legal counsel can be grueling and difficult. The Judicial system isn’t exactly user friendly – it takes hours of study and homework to understand how to maneuver within the divorce laws of your State.

In many ways the laws concerning self representation seem to confuse rather than assist litigants. It merely means that you are granted the right to present your divorce case in court without legal counsel – it doesn’t offer anything more than the legal right to represent yourself.

End of conversation, this law doesn’t insure a favorable decision from the judge, legal assistance from the court staff or any other options.  What you see is what you get –before going pro se remember it can be very costly by negatively affecting your future. 

Statistics show that pro se litigants are losing what is rightfully theirs in divorce court, because they fail follow the laws in their State. The pro se litigant can’t continue blaming judges or attorneys – it is their responsibility to follow family laws as established in their State. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

Divorce - Let the Games Begin

Divorce is up – will you hit a home run or strike out?  Sounds a bit crazy, but check out the “don’ts” first, because they may result in a strikeout before the balls even pitched your way.

So often it’s the little things that many people consider insignificant that is an irritant to the judge.

First of all your appearance is important, don’t dress like farmer Jones or Susie hot pants. Beware, your body language can be a dead give away – smirking, shaking your head, clenching fists and shooting daggers at your soon to be ex won’t win you any brownie points with the judge.

If you’re a pro se litigant don’t walk into court with an armload of loose papers decorated with a bunch of post it notes. Pertinent information should be organized and neatly packaged. Don’t antagonize the judge, chuck the yehs, huhs and shrugs at the door – address the judge as “your honor” and put on your best suit of manners showing respect to the man or women who has your future in the palm of their hands. 

Don’t forget to fill out interrogatories correctly and don’t miss a scheduled court date. You have a right to represent yourself - having said that you have certain responsibilities too!

Now for the “Do’s” that will give you a home run. Get your divorce forms from the court or go on line to your State’s government website and download them. Check on the Statute of Limitations and verify which court will hear your divorce. Learn the laws in your state before serving papers.

Do your paperwork, double check each form and make sure your signature is legible. Do study courtroom procedure and study your State’s divorce laws. Always address the judge not your spouse or his or her legal council when speaking.

Going to court totally organized is the icing on the cake that will help you get your home run. Take time to prepare a winning case for your day in court. Organize your documents, tag them correctly, compile all bills, receipts and data in an orderly manner by date, time and subject.

There is help out there for those contemplating or going through a divorce. CaseBoss has offered to help  people prepare their divorce case. Two important things: (1) This service is absolutely free, and (2) CaseBoss has a team ready to assist you and answer questions.  Go to www.caseboss.com get started today.

As Always,

www.caseboss.com

Little Tboca

   

Children a Priority in Divorce

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Children - Priority for Divorce Judge

Family law judges and divorce attorneys will say the best interest of the children is a priority in a divorce case. It’s not a secret that most family law judges make children their priority when handing down their final divorce decision.  

If you are a pro se litigant you’re filing or have filed for divorce, understand that the children come first in most divorces. 

Obviously family law judges should make final divorce decisions for both parties by determining what the “best interest" for the child or children.”  

But, the laws of our land serve as guidelines and some judges take it upon themselves to step outside of this window which at times isn’t in the “best interest” of the children. 

Here is an example of the "best interests" of the children written by an outstanding judge’s judge now retired.  Her history on the bench will show that the children came first when making final divorce decisions.  Judge Ann Kass said the “best interests” of children had many meanings and she took all precautions when children were involved in divorce.  

http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass2.html

Prepare your case for your day in court, but be sure you make the children your priority.  What is truly best for the child or children - who has been the primary caregiver?  Which parent has the time and desire to put the children first? What are the wishes of the children?  Are both parents emotionally stable and capable of mentoring and raising the children, if so joint custody is an excellent choice? 

Here is an excellent site that discusses children, parenting and divorce.  http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/children/children-and-divorce-221.shtml

It was one of those ridiculous arrangements that couples make when they are separating, but before they are divorced—when they still imagine that children and property can be shared with more magnanimity than recrimination. ~ John Irving

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Frequent Flyers in Divorce Court

Baby boomers are becoming frequent flyers in divorce court – even divorce attorneys are surprised and rather confused. One would think that during the recession a couple would want to weather the storm until the economy turns around, but that’s not the case. 

The baby boomers  appear to be reinventing divorce – they’re hell bent on getting out of Dodge with an armload of retirement funds, the house and all that the couple has accumulated over 25 to 30 years.  Family law judges are all ready on overload and many boomers are opting for do it yourself divorce which is stressing family law courts.   

Muslims are reverting to divorce and hot on the boomer’s trail which only makes divorce a much more complex issue.  What are the hot buttons causing the discontent?  What is going on in our USA that is triggering the boomers and Muslims to opt for divorce?

Muslims and boomers are strange bed fellows and no one has a definitive explanation about this divorce phenomena – Muslims and boomers certainly are marching to someone else’s drum as they dash to the family law courts. 

The boomers are suffering from their decision to get a divorce; many are dipping into their retirement funds to pay daily expenses. Assets are divided leaving each party with some money, but they would have more to share as a couple.  When they were married, one spouse usually stayed at home to raise the children (meaning he or she may not have worked outside the home,) so spousal support may be in order.

For the Muslims marriage was Allah’s gift to mankind – the family supposedly should be resilient and thrive on the union of man and women. But, Allah being a wise God knew that not every relationship between man and women would work, so divorce is an option if there’s a valid reason.  Allah frowns on divorce when the married couple doesn’t have a valid reason for parting ways. 

Christian for years didn’t approve or support divorce but the norm has changed for them too – although most Christians have a difficult time accepting divorce they are much more tolerant than they were 10 or 15 years ago.

http://knowledgebase.findlaw.com/kb/2013/Apr/979275.html

Is it something in the air, the water or does the grass appear greener now to those wanting to dissolve their relationships. Could it be boredom from our high tech society – maybe we’ve become gadget and service poor. 

Or could the state of the nation be the culprit causing the discontentment due to a recession, morality dysfunction, corrupt Government and constant turmoil within our Country?  Maybe people are just on overload with too much to carry on their plates or maybe they’ve lost site of the things that once made our Nation resilient, strong and a safe haven for all. 

As Always,

Little Tboca 

www.caseboss.com

Temporary Custody of Children

If at the time of the temporary divorce hearing you are granted temporary custody of the children, child support, alimony and granted the right to live in the marital home until the divorce is final, remember the word “temporary.” 

 Don’t traipse out of divorce court thinking you’re about to slam dunk your spouse, because the family law judge granted you temporary custody of the children.

How you behave and handle the temporary orders will affect the judge’s final decision. Buyer beware - these orders by the divorce judge aren’t indicative of his or her final decision in court. Usually a divorce attorney will discuss temporary custody - the orders are for a limited amount of time only. 

If you become over zealous and get in a pay back mode, your king or queen for a day mode will come crashing down.  Don’t take unfair advantage of your spouse by running up excessive credit card charges, or neglecting your responsibilities in maintaining the marital residence.  Family law judges will take your behavior into consideration when granting a divorce. 

Denying your spouse visitation rights won’t just get your fingers burnt – it may be the reason the judge changes the custody orders.  You should encourage visitation rights with your spouse and definitely shouldn’t use the children as pawns to punish the other parent.

This is a time when you better take a deep breath and follow the temporary orders granted to you – ditch the anger and emotion. The judge didn’t give you a free pass to be abusive of your spouse.  

Don’t get on the social media and brag about the judge’s orders. Don’t assume that you’re home free – your day in court hasn’t arrived yet and what you do or say will be held against you.

Temporary means during the interim, nothing is etched in concrete. A family law judge will decide what is in the “best interest” of the children and if you’ve acted like a knuckle head during this time, there’s a strong probability that you will walk out of court very displeased with the judge’s final orders.

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

What About the Grandparents?

What about the grandparents?  Why are they often times left out of the divorce picture – they’ve helped raise, mentor and love the children and now they are no longer allowed to continue their beautiful relationship with the grandchildren.  Grandparents, you have rights – fight for them.

Decisions are made in the “best interest” of the children and you may well be the missing piece that your grandchildren need. Don’t just wring your hands and walk away, contact an attorney and ask for legal advice and assistance.  Each State has laws that actually protect grandparents “rights” and if you’ve been an active participating person in the children’s lives, you’ll get more than a nod.

It may be a good idea to gather up some factual information before your first free consult with an attorney.  Try to show via pictures, birthdays, holidays, vacations etc. how you’ve been actively involved with your grandchildren. You want to prove that your relationship with the grandchildren is special and that you’ve been a devoted participant in their lives.  

If you present your case to the courts, be prepared to answer all questions about your relationship with the grandchildren. Be prepared to tell the judge how often you would like to visit with your grandchildren.  If the children are very small and you’ve moved out of State, this definitely could pose a problem, but maybe you could ask to spend a portion of the holidays or their birthdays with them.

Explaining your relationship with the custodial parent prior to divorce proceedings will help the judge make a decision – if it’s been stormy weather and extensive conflict with the custodial parent prior to the divorce this will be taken under consideration also.

The important question in court will be why the custodial parent refused you visitation rights with the grandchildren. Do they have a valid reason or is it merely a payback and punishment against their ex spouse?  How the custodial parent thinks grandparent’s visitation would harm the children?

Yes, grandparents have rights and many times continuing communication and visitation with the grandchildren is in the “best interest” of the children.  As a grandparent, I have been actively involved in my grandchildren’s lives and have helped raise each of them – there’s no way in h- - -, that I would allow my grandparent’s rights to be taken away.  

As Always,

Little Tboca

Represent Yourself in Divorce Court

So you’ve made a decision to represent yourself (Pro se) in divorce court. The decision was due to finances, your intense dislike of attorneys or your perception that you are the best person available to represent yourself in divorce court. Statistics show that pro se divorce is the new fad – so it’s your turn to prepare for your day in court.

Statistics also show that a large percentage of pro se litigants leave the courtroom with their bucket half empty. They assumed that because they were representing themselves everyone and his brother would offer a helping hand – wrong, judges don’t have the time to take you by the hand and the court staff isn’t allowed to offer legal advice.

Pro se litigants want their cake and want to eat it too – they don’t want to pay for legal counsel, they don’t want to learn family law rules and procedures and they darn sure aren’t going to take time to attend divorce seminars and workshops that are offered through our judicial system. 

The pro se litigant is flying by the seat of his or her pants and most likely will suffer an unmerciful beating in court – the American Bar Association and over 1200 judges that were interviewed say the pro se litigants lose more than they should in divorce court.

No doubt it makes one feel better if they can blame someone for their shortcomings, but the bottom-line is this – it isn’t the judge’s fault, or the fault of your ex’s legal counsel, nor the judicial system. You didn’t do your homework or prepare a solid case for your day in court.

This information comes from the American Bar Association, “Not knowing the legal requirements or procedural rules, omitting important signatures, not following Court schedule, missing deadlines are but a few of the problems that Pro Se litigants experience.” 

A few other problems that weaken your divorce case is not knowing the Statute of Limitations in your State, not knowing how to fill out interrogatories, not knowing how to serve papers legally on your spouse and the pre-conceived idea that everyone owes you a handout.

Divorce is tough, one day in court and a small window of time to present your case to a family law judge. Don’t end up in divorce court with a bunch of lose papers, receipts and sticky notes – build a case that is airtight and strive for a favorable decision from the judge.  Go to www.caseboss.com – there isn’t any charge and you have a great team at your fingertips to answer questions for 1 year without any charges.

Quit shuffling thru papers, learn how to organize documents by day, time and subject – learn how to create specific reports, tag information and prepare a strong case.  

As Always,
Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com

Infidelity in a Marriage Deadly

Is infidelity in a marriage taken into consideration by a family law judge?  If you’re in a no fault state, it probably isn’t going to be a deciding factor in your divorce. Infidelity will cause problems when the cheater tries to get their spouse to agree on a tentative settlement. It is only human nature to fight back when one feels betrayed or rejected; it’s the one trump card that the jilted spouse holds and it’s an extremely powerful card. 

At this point, the spouse no longer feels an inner need to be fair, whatever that may mean.  He or she turns into a banker, accountant, a strategist and what might have been a mutual divorce turns into the wreck of the century. What about the children, who’s is watching out for the children? Two outstanding attorneys always put the children first in their courtroom – neither judge approved of an intimate relationship during the divorce. 

Katherine Eisold Miller is a prominent Collaborative Lawyer and family mediator is now a public educator helping husband and wives choose the best way when divorce is eminent. 

Katherine feels the children should be the priority and encourages parents to make best choices for the children’s sake. She feels an adulteress relationship has very little impact in a no fault state. But, in those states that take fault into consideration the division of property, alimony, child support can be seriously affected.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Katherine%20Eisold%20Miller/

A family law judge (Judge Ann Kass,) from New Mexico always put the children first. She had zero tolerance for those intimately involved in a relationship before the divorce is final. 

http://www.divorcepeers.com/dating-during-divorce.htm

Although New Mexico is a no-fault state, Judge Ann Kass always put the children first. In one of her articles, she said,” But whatever the grown-ups do to themselves, they should absolutely avoid introducing any new companions to their children until the divorce is over and until there is a solid foundation for the new relationship with some reasonable degree of probability that it will last.

If married adults would put the children first, there probably wouldn’t be as many divorces or broken homes. Divorce devours the entire family; no one misses the angry fangs of divorce. 

As Always,

Little Tboca

www.caseboss.com